That study is about tobacco not pot.
I think you’re being unnecessarily harsh, rh. And whether you think so or not, you’re coming off as judgemental.
“Life is not a contest. A non-verbal child who requires lifelong care isn’t a source of horror. Giving birth to an anencepahlic baby is much worse. To think that comparing a child with autism with “mourning” a child with zero future, like an anencephalic or other child would have, well, that shows a serious lack of education or lack of empathy. A future of having even one smile is different than death, or being bed-ridden and non-responsive.”
Who are YOU to say what’s worse? While I wouldn’t wish either on anyone or on myself and I’m glad I don’t have this kind of choice, I would personally find it preferable to have an anencephalic child who will pass on shortly and not be in pain and not have a lifetime of not being able to express himself - because then closure can occur. A lifetime of a non-verbal child who cannot communicate, who requires intensive hands-on care, who may be prone to temper tantrums, who “looks normal” but will never say I love you to his mother – that strikes me as far worse.
But anyway,you’re right it isn’t a contest. So stop making it one. We all have our burdens to bear in life, whether it’s sick children, relatives requiring care, spouse getting early dementia, someone in our family abusing drugs, etc. No one gets out of life unscathed, and no one gets exempt from having some kind of tragedy – no one.
This lady is entitled to feel she’s been handed a big burden in life. I think the expression “you get what you get, and you don’t get upset” is a horrid one, up there with “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”
The mother is mourning the death of her imagined child, the one who didn’t have a developmental disability. It is normal and healthy to mourn the imaginary non-disabled child when learning of a child’s disability. It’s like mourning infertility: you’re mourning the death of the dream. You expected, hoped for and looked forward to one kind of life, and now you find out that’s not the life you’re going to have. You expected a child who would grow up, leave the house, get a college degree, get married and give you grandchildren, and now that dream has been snatched away.
This parent had to get the devastating news that her beloved child is disabled. Do not tell her she can’t grieve. Do not be so heartless.
It’s possible both to love your autistic child with every fiber of your being, and to wish the child were not disabled. This is my reality, and the reality my friends with kids on the autism spectrum. We are not horrible. It is you who are being horrible, by negating our legitimate emotions.
Beautifully put, @“Cardinal Fang”
One of my really good friends has a child with severe autism. She’s a wonderful, patient mom but I know she’s had her moments of pain of missing typical milestones of sleepovers and dances and boyfriends and now college. She tells me she’s no braver or more wonderful than anyone else, she just does the best she can for her child. She finds joy with her but it’s a challenge few would choose.
In my son’s case, I KNEW him as a capable, healthy teenager, THEN we lost him to mental illness. It truly feels like a death, every day. Just yesterday, he was telling me all about the voices, how they’re actually “good spirits” that give him revelations. 
He’s on meds, but they obviously don’t do enough. I think I need to “let go” in a way, but it is hard.
((((MaineLonghorn))))
The worst is that sententious “Everything happens for a reason.” No it doesn’t. Sometimes bad things happen to good people for no reason at all, just bad luck, and even if good things come out of a tragedy (and they don’t always) it’s still better not to have the tragedy in the first place.
Also keep in mind, that kids with autism have personalities too. Just like some toddlers and teens are easy and sweet, some are challenging and willful. Add autism to an already difficult kid, and I can only imagine how frustrating that can get.
I truly feel for all the parents of kids with CP, autism, Sz, etc. ML has shared with the CC community what she has lived through, and she is one of the strongest women I know.
Some problems are not genetic. My sister’s close friend had a child who was severely burnt as a 5 y.o. multiple surgeries to rebuild a face. Dressing changes every hour. She was featured on Newsweek as a great kid with a supportive community. Still, the husband left, the wife needed to be home 24/7. This is a tragedy. So much pain for everyone.
Well, that’s why real doctors don’t make decisions on the basis of just one study. They look at the preponderance of evidence. (Pssst … HuffPost science reporting is awful.)
Giving a slight bump to this… I just finished reading Breathing Space by Gregg Mitmann. It’s an environmental and cultural history of allergies and asthma in the US from the 1800s through the present. It helps explain why many of you, who are white and presumably didn’t grow up in “ghettos,” didn’t have friends/family with asthma and allergies growing up. (And why people who lived in poor, minority-dominated neighborhoods like my dad and me had very different experiences.)
It’s an easy and approachable read and I highly recommend it.
http://www.amazon.com/Breathing-Space-Allergies-Shape-Landscapes/dp/030014315X
romaningyeyes a person I know with tree nut allergies (peanuts are separate they are beans) when he had his first anaphylaxis reaction I saw him after he left the hospital he looked like a zombie. splotches all over his body,red like a tomato and marks that would move around (over the day not while you were watching) I was told by his mother he tasted a tree nut (no history of allergies in the family) instantly started spitting, than throwing up, broke out in hives and starting going unconscious. she dialed 911 and luckily they were there really fast. it went on for several days, not just the initial hospital/er trip, back for a second round of treatment the next day. it just seemed to keep going. and after discharge he was on oral steroids, antihistamines, and of course had an epi pen(which is only for buying time to get to the hospital) scary scary stuff. and of course he became a regular at the allergist and pediatricians office (he got the asthma bonus shortly there after) as he have gotten older the asthma is “gone” when he gets a cold the cough goes on for months but no more 2-3 times a day nebulizer treatment. and he has only had one more ER visit for an allergic reaction.
allergies and asthma are no joke and when I hear people dismiss allergies it drives me nuts(pun intended?)…same people who scoff at mental illness.
It is terrifying to see it happen to someone. Both my sister and I have been rushed to the ER with asthma attacks and it’s terrifying to see your sibling essentially turn blue. I absolutely cannot imagine what it would be like to watch your child go through that especially a few decades ago when there was nothing that could be done because of either a lack of technology or a lack of funds.
I have never gone into anaphylactic shock (fingers crossed) but I am allergic to seemingly everything. I’m actually right now in the process of being shuffled from specialist to specialist to figure out why I’m always so sick. Their current theory is Lupus but it’s one of those diagnosis by exclusions type things.
It is incredibly frustrating to have something very obviously “wrong” and have people brush it off. That goes for allergies, mental illness, and “invisible” diseases like fibromyalgia and the like.
"It is incredibly frustrating to have something very obviously “wrong” and have people brush it off. That goes for allergies, mental illness, and “invisible” diseases like fibromyalgia and the like. "
amen!!!
p.s. with your insurance/$$ situation can you get to a place like the mayo clinic ?
My husband once was feeling bad, then broke into hives, drove himself to the hospital, and by the time he got there his blood pressure had plummeted. They never did figure out what specifically happened, he doesn’t have nut or peanut allergies or any other food allergies. He carried an epi-pen for years and it’s never happened again. So I guess anyone can have an allergic/histimine response at any time if the conditions are right (wrong).
No idea. I’m currently being treated by UMich doctors though so I feel like I’m in good hands. They have definitively determined that it’s autoimmune but they’re just working on the what now.
good to hear you are in good hands romanigy!
umich… good folks at the school at all levels (separate from the med/hospital system. Which is a superior hospital system in it’s own right!)
A few nights ago, DH was standing in front of his mirror, and told me “I’ve got these two weird red and kind of itchy patches at the top of each rib cage.” I could only see him from the front/left side. I said, “hmm…well, I don’t know what that’s about.” He shrugged his shoulders, and turned around to walk into his closet. His ENTIRE BACK was like one huge red welt. I said “OMG! Your back!” He looked over his shoulder at it to try to get a glimpse of it and was a little taken aback by the sight.
The only thing we could think of that has been new for him is that he had taken Nyquil twice in a row for a bad cold. He has never been allergic to anything before. He didn’t take a dose that night, and by morning, his back looked almost, though not quite, back to normal.
No more Nyquil for him.