<p>I was looking forward to 2010, because 2009 was a very hard year. My husband lost his job, my nephew was diagnosed with cancer (in remission, thankfully), and then my very best friend died unexpectedly in December. Now another friend has been diagnosed with cancer and it is stage 4. It is almost more than I can take. 2010 has already started off on a bad foot.</p>
<p>I am grieving so deeply already for the loss of my best friend. I miss her desperately, because we shared special confidences that we didn’t even talk about with our husbands. I am angry at the world that she died. And now I have to face losing a second friend? </p>
<p>I know it sounds selfish, but I feel such an acute loss. I was just not prepared for the loss of such a close friend, because it was completely unexpected. I miss her more than I can say. For the friend with cancer, I may have some time to prepare, but I don’t want to. I don’t even know how to deal with my own emotions, and it’s hard to explain to people, who haven’t lost such dear friends. I know it isn’t quite like the loss of a spouse or sibling, but it feels just as painful.</p>
<p>I also know grieving has stages, and takes time, but if anyone has any advice on how to deal with the pain of the death of friends, I would love to hear it.</p>
<p>I don’t really have any advice, but I think I can understand what you feel. The very first death that ever affected me strongly was the death of a friend. It has been more than 20 years since then, but there’s still a hole in my life – and I suspect, quite a few other people’s lives – where she should be. But it’s not a death that I have ever talked about much, except with other people who knew her as well as I did, because losing a friend seems less important than losing a family member. Nevertheless, the grief is very real.</p>
<p>At the time when my friend died, there were few resources for people in my (and your) situation except for professional counseling – and I didn’t feel the need for something that extensive (and expensive). But in 2010, I wonder whether there might be some sort of online forum on this topic. It might be helpful to be able to talk about the experience with others who have gone through something similar, and there seem to be forums about everything.</p>
<p>Yesterday’s newspaper ran pages of inspirational quotes. I usually skip things like that but a few of them stuck with me. 2009 was such a bad year that this quote attributed to Winston Churchill resonated with me: When you’re going through hell, just keep going.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for your losses Delta66. I don’t know of any online grief support groups. although I would think they exist. I would recommend, however, that you might consider seeing a member of the clergy- in whatever denomination you prefer. Even if you have no religious affiliation, or religious beliefs, many pastors have some training in providing grief counseling. Another resource might be your local funeral director- most offer referrals to grief groups and would have a list of places to go, or perhaps online sites. Another resource might be the guidance counselor at your local high school- they too have experience with grief counseling and could provide places, sites to go.</p>
<p>It is very painful to lose a friend or a family member. There is no measurement for which may be worse. The pain is real and all too often it is difficult to discuss it with people for some very basic reasons. They don’t really want to hear about it after a while because they feel you should be over it by now, or they are uncomfortable with the subject. I have been there with my own brother at a young adult age. They way you grieve is your own and their is no right way. One thing that helped me was writing down all my feelings, anger and also things I wish I had said to my brother before he passed away.<br>
Many local hospitals have FREE bereavement groups that you can tap into. There is usually no committment and it is on your own terms. Also you can call the local hospice chapters/services to get information on free bereavement support groups in the area.</p>
<p>We make the mistake that we can handle this on our own, but being able to get it out in a non judgemental and supported environment makes the transition so much better.
I wish you good luck.</p>