<p>I see what you all are saying about Dharma not bringing her mother back to the house, but I can’t agree. To me, it seems backhanded and cruel not to give her a chance to see her house for the last time. When she left to go to the hospital, she didn’t realize she was saying goodbye to her house. So, though I agree it could cause a scene, I think she should be taken to the house if she wants to go. </p>
<p>At least don’t go alone. When you hire the move managers, have one with you and a fixed reason you can’t stay more than 1-2 hours. It’s a tough call, but as aggravating as all this is, this woman doesn’t have dementia. This is a way off, right? By then she’ll have signed the sale papers, no? </p>
<p>CF, I agree with you. She is so weak–yesterday she said she could hardly stand–and she will have to go to the house from the NH, not the AL–I think it is right that she go back once; one thing for certain, she is weak and cannot stay for a long time. The paintings she is talking about are in an upstairs closet and it will be an effort to help her up and down the stairs. It is quite a sad picture illustrating how we all are now (sort of)) vibrant adults, and eventually come to rely so much on others.</p>
<p>She likes one particular friend of mine, ten yrs older than me, who is free during the day. I will ask her if she would like this friend to go through the house that day together. This friend has an extremely extroverted and warm personality and my mother has always liked her. I don’t know–she may welcome it, or she may want to be alone. If my friend is free the day we go, I am sure she would compassionately oblige.</p>
<p>LasMa, I revived and am going to that link now that has elder clean-up services and call them. In their photo they’re a young couple, so 8:10 shouldn’t be too late.</p>
<p>I put a thank you note to the Social Worker in the mail this afternoon, using special words.</p>
<p>LF, when we have move managers at her house, she certainly won’t be there ( stay 1-2 hours at the AL, do you mean? Under any circumstances, 2 hours is a long time. My daughter set up her dorm room in like a half-hour, but I know that’s quite, quite different.) But, no, I have done enough AL meals with her. </p>
<p>About signing papers, everything that’s needed signing so far has simply needed a photocopy of my power of attorney. I can ask our lawyer about the closing, if I can bring my copy of DPOA so she can avoid going to the closing.</p>
<p>LF, I somehow overlooked 430 and just read it now. Thank you and you’re right. Part of the problem is my mother’s voice, but part is that I have some some significant things in the past and deplore my stumblings now. Being scatterbrained, making errors, much of it grows out of the horrific scenes of July and August leading to confusion. I think we can all see, things are pulling together. </p>
<p>LasMa, I just left a voice mail with “Sort and Settle” and told them best times to call me back home/cell and, politely, the sooner the better as contracts for the house sale will be signed next week.</p>
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<p>Don’t make her climb the stairs. Bring them downstairs for her to look at. The exertion could be too much for her.</p>
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<p>Have you got a signed offer yet?</p>
<p>Suggestion: Don’t bring her back to the house til she has settled in for t least a few days at the AL and has more strength back. And hopefully she’ll love the AL and when at the house can’t wait to get back to the AL!</p>
<p>I hadn’t posted it but I, too, always note how hard you are on yourself and how much negative self talk there is (dumb/etc).</p>
<p>I agree with jym. I wouldn’t take her straight from the SNF back to the house. Let her go to AL for a few days first.</p>
<p>Awesome @ contacting the senior movers. Once they’ve explained what they can do for you, I think you’ll feel less stressed and more organized. </p>
<p>How much art is this? One option is to drive it over, have it in her space at the new AL when she moves in. Then she gets to choose which pieces stay, which go back with you. A woman in my grandmother’s place had lots of her own art on her walls, it pleased her and was a conversation starter. Later, you can get some advice from the social worker about these transitions- right now, the paperwork is still pending. So, first things first. </p>
<p>I think the advice earlier was to keep it simple with the senior movers. They know their usual time frames, depending on the tasks, so let them operate efficiently. No this won’t be like settling in a dorm room. More about that when you get to that point. </p>
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CF, I thought I mentioned that the buyer 's lawyer either said to my realtor (1) I’m sending the signed contract over or (2) I’m sending the signed contract over to you after the soil is tested after the oil tank removal and new one put in the basement. I can confirm with my realtor today. I’d like to know which is right, for myself. </p>
<p>CT mom’ the BEST suggestion is to bring the art downstairs. Its possible that when she is strong enough to walk with a cane, the Estate Sale Manager (a woman I have known for years and is coming to appraise things next wk) is coming over next wk, and I don’t want them to overlap.</p>
<p>I will have to take her to the house from the NH because her home from the NH home to AL might overlap with clearing out the house/closing. Both may be at the end of Nov. It will definitely be a hectic time. There is not a lot of art to look at, maybe a “fair” amount I can easily bring downstairs. Yesterday, the Director of the AL talked about how she and the Social Worker talked about moving my mother "on or before Nov 1 which means she is staying much longer than I expected (the cardiologist said she would need one night in the hospital). I don’t know how much control I have over when my mother’s move is, but I do think I have some control over when the closing is. In other words, she perhaps can’t look at the art from her new home in AL depending on the state of the interior of the house and the pending closing. Does that make sense?</p>
<p>Any thoughts on bringing VERY cheerful friend along to look at the paintings and…what amounts to saying goodbye to the house? Honestly I dont know my mom well enough in some ways to judge if she would relish the company or find it intrusive (depending of course my friend agreed to go,which I think she would), It might mean the difference of the occasion being cheerful or gloomy. Maybe we could all three stay for a snack at Dunkin Donuts (last time we tried a restaurant,it was too much, the steps, the crowds, the small print on the menu).
He menu in the dim dining room).</p>
<p>YOu will need help transferring your mother in/out of the car, in the house, etc. You dont have the caregiver anymore. And you dont want a scene. Have someone with you. Doesnt matter who.Someone who is a help to you.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice jym626. There are two people (besides the friends I mentioned earlier) whom I can call on.</p>
<p>Funnily enough, my mother became very close to her handyman.He would actually stay for hours and listen to her stories about her childhood and her early years as an"artist." (She never talked at all to anyone, including my sister and me, about any incidents about being a mother and having two daughters. It is all about being an artist.) He is a kind, gentle man about my age. I have already given him some stuff from the house. He left a note to ask if he could buy three things. I am going to reply, Are you kidding? Im sure my mother would want to gift them to you. I will check with her before or after the care date this afternoon. Sadly, he was her only friend: I don’t think I count but I was always on the scene practically daily. She would call me to come over simply to open a can of Apple Juice. Actually, asking the handyman might be the first best choice.</p>
<p>My social worker friend works only a few days a week and would also be willing, so there are three options we can work with time-wise. </p>
<p>CF, to answer your question, I emailed the realtor and she already replied that my lawyer will send the contract(s) to the buyer’s lawyer after the oil tank situation is fixed.</p>
<p>I would suggest you get that contract SIGNED sand simply put the oil tank repair contingency in the contract. Thats what we did.</p>
<p>Agree with jym. You need a SIGNED contract. Put the oil tank contingency in the contract if necessary. I can’t emphasize enough that if you don’t have a SIGNED contract, you don’t have a deal, and the buyer can walk at any time.</p>
<p>They may be transferring your mother from NH to AL via ambulance, if she has trouble walking.
Right now we’ve got some “cart before the horse.”<br>
You need to finish the AL paperwork. Get that off the to-do list.</p>
<p>I know you’re thinking the senior team can help, but is it so hard you can’t do it and be done with it? It doesn’t have to be absolutely perfect you can always supply a detail or some correction later.</p>
<p>Even if the senior movers help, you still need to get those details from your mother or from files or wherever. They aren’t even scheduled yet. </p>
<p>Overall, keep notes, so you have these bits and details on hand.</p>
<p>**And Oops. In my state, there has to be a specific clause for real estate/real property, for one to use “durable power of attorney” for a home sale. Check your paperwork.</p>
<p>Not a bad idea to make the oil a contingency. It’s a line that says, in essence, “This contract is contingent upon completion of the oil tank work, blah, blah.” It’s legal.</p>
<p>I also agree with getting a signed contract with the oil work as a contingency. </p>
<p>The contingency protects the buyer and having a signed contract means actually selling the house, instead of hoping it sells.</p>