<p>8:45 pm. I read and took in all the comments and suggestions, very wise, Thank you. Just minutes ago the nurse on duty on my mother’s unit called to say they (the MD arranged/called in) are giving my mother a mild sedative tonight (I don’t remember the name - it starts with an S) and I feel, not only relieved, but that the team there is doing their best for my mother.</p>
<p>Try to keep notes. It would allow you do do some research and if, say, her psychiatrist asks, you could tell him.</p>
<p>Shellfell is right that family can become advocates- but you have to have an idea of why, what the right variables are, and what the right course is, etc.</p>
<p>They probably gave her sinequan. </p>
<p>Next time, if you have the dr paged, perhaps you can encourage mom to talk directly to the Dr, report her symptoms and request assistance. Even if you have healthcare proxy (I forget) its really helpful for both of you for you to encourage mom to talk directly to the dr rather than to you and then you try to problem-solve. </p>
<p>Glad to hear it, Dharma. </p>
<p>It is true that family often have to be patient advocates, both at hospitals and SNFs. But it’s sometimes a fine line between advocating and telling the professionals what to do.</p>
<p>Suggest you talk to the doctor and, rather than telling her what she should prescribe, ask her why she needs to talk to the mental health people about it. I’d be very surprised if she doesn’t have an answer that will make sense to you. Express your concerns, ask for her thoughts, and let HER be the MD. </p>
<p>In other words, don’t go trying to do other people’s jobs again. ;)</p>
<p>I looked up sinequan; it is an old tricyclic anti-depressive that also relieves anxiety and sleep disorders. So that fits. </p>
<p>Yes, I do have healthcare proxy.</p>
<p>But thinking it over, LasMa, I think I was more trying to get the MD and psychologist to EXPLAIN their choices (“MD, why do you have to consult the psychologist? Psychologist, why do you have to wait till Tuesday to consult the psychiatrist”) than TELLING them what to do and certainly I wasn’t trying to “do their job,” certainly not in this complex and delicate field. The MD would go no further than say she had to consult the psychologist and rushed away, I mean, she just walked away, just like she did when I asked her to give me her assessment of my mother’s legs problem). My mother takes many meds for many different things, and I would never dream of TELLING an MD to give a med, knowing how complex interactions can be, especially in the elderly. </p>
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<p>Just wanted to point out I said IF. </p>
<p>I am certainly letting the realtor “do her job” and she did not suggest a contingency about the oil tank be written in the contract and that contracts be signed ASAP (The oil company confirmed yesterday afternoon that the work is being done today) but followed the course of action she counseled. </p>
<p>And I let the psychiatrist, elder care lawyer, and SW “do their job” and let her mother “make the choice” to have an in-home caregiver, and look where that got me. </p>
<p>Sometimes it is right to be more assertive; sometimes it is right to step back. Sometimes it is hard to negotiate the difference.</p>
<p>I got a sweet return email from my mother’s handyman saying he would be delighted to meet my mother and me at the house after contracts are signed and be there to help physically and help her pick out the paintings she wants to take to AL with her, and then do an “outing” at Dunkin Donuts. He offered to go to the house beforehand and bring all the paintings downstairs. I told him to wait till contracts are signed because the house is still officially on the market and being shown. </p>
<p>At 7 pm the audiologist called me back (I said what are you still doing in the office? She said it was typical); she had already ordered a new pair of hearing aids. The lost ones had a one yr warranty, but will still cost $500. </p>
<p>$500 for hearing aides is cheap.</p>
<p><a href=“http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/292498-medication”>http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/292498-medication</a></p>
<p>Assessment and recommendations for behavioral interventions for acute sleep problems is within the standard of care. Especially in the elderly, with risk of falls and drug interactions form multiple medications and health issues, non pharmacological approaches are appropriate. And, as an aside, if meds are prescribed, some meds are not covered by Medicare. have to stay within their formulary wit a med that is safe for a fragile patient on multiple meds. </p>
<p>So is the oil tank replaced? Any soil issues?</p>
<p>I am in my house and my mother’s house is two doors down the street. I am too scared to go over. They said they would start at 8 am and it is 10:50. I told the receptionist to tell the team leader where to find the “hidden” key to get into the house so they can go to the basement and open the big hatch door to bring in the new oil tank. Unless they call me first, I will call around 3 pm. Even if the soil looks good (both technicians who read the tank report doubt any leakage) three soil samples have to be sent out and analyzed, and I want to ask how long that will take to get the results.</p>
<p>Thanks for the link to medicine </p>
<p>About the hearing aids, $500 is what she has to pay because the hearing aids were NEW and still under warranty. Even being under warranty, she still has to pay.
Out of curiosity I read an article online about the cost of hearing aids. They can vary greatly. The cheapest you can get are at Costco. The most costly are $4,000 for the pair, and I do think my mother paid $4,000 for her hearing aids. This article did not at all compare the quality of cheaper against more expensive hearing aids, which must be meaningful.</p>
<p>I stronglly, STRONGLY advise you to stop over at the house while the s tank is being removed and soil is being tested. You want to see for yourself if there is anything in the soil they are concerned about and have them point it out to you. Ask all your questions NOW, not later. If I could have been at the tank removal I would have, but the insurance guy was there to handle it.</p>
<p>As for the hearing aids, I can see if warrantee covered a defect but am quite surprised it covers loss due to carelessness.</p>
<p>Agree, go over there. Jym says ask your questions- but understand that these need to be on topic. </p>
<p>Fine to ask if any concerns are cropping up and about them, what the options are, if they encounter something. Or what a timetable is, etc. But unneeded details or questions about too many what-ifs can distract from their work and how they interact with you. You can do it. </p>
<p>Remember the Three Bears: not too much, not too little, just right. Remember that in all these interactions you are now managing, that’s a goal. And if they say anything of significance- ie, someting that relates to the severity, timing or costs- keep notes, so you can have that info to move forward.</p>
<p>Yes, I did draw together my courage and went over at noon. Very disappointed to see nothing had been touched. Called, and the receptionist talked to the Director who said the work would be done on Tuesday. I said I was told yesterday that it would be done today, but no explanation was given. I said, no later than Tuesday, because my whole family is on an urgent time limit to get this done. In fact, I will be at my mother’s house early on Tuesday – jym626 and LF make me see the sense of this. I will be there through the whole removal of the tank, but not get in the way. And I will have a yellow legal pad and pen.</p>
<p>jym626, by “timetable” do you mean, when will the soil be sent for analysis? When can we expect the report on the results of the analysis? What else would come under “timetable”?</p>
<p>I’d be annoyed.
Sometimes workers are called off to an emergency or something with higher priority. I’m afraid it’s the nature of the business. You were right to call in your concerns. </p>
<p>By timetable, I meant, if they encounter something that stops their work or increases the labor involved. </p>
<p>Sorry about today’s snafu. </p>
<p>I’d be more than annoyed; I’d be furious, especially since they didn’t even bother to let you know. If it were me, I’d call really on Tuesday – "Just confirming that we’re still on for today. "</p>
<p>This is why you need an oil tank contingency and a signed contract.</p>
<p>That’s why you need that glass of wine tonight.</p>
<p>Wow, I thought you really liked this oil company, and they stood you up? I suppose they aren’t coming on Monday because of the Columbus day holiday?? 
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<p>I would definitely confirm like LasMa said!</p>
<p>Two out of three off your list is excellent. Congratulations! I think the house sale is going to work out. Take a break and celebrate this weekend. I am celebrating for you. : )</p>
<p>I think you can/should get assisted living insurance that covers liability as well as property insurance?</p>
<p>I meant “really early” like when they first open.</p>
<p>LasMa:
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<p>Yes, I was quite quite annoyed and told the woman over the phone “absolutely no later than Tuesday because the whole family is caught in a tight time frame to get this house sold” but only a small possibility (said begrudgingly) that she passed on that comment to the Director. I mean, would she bother? If I were working at a desk I would pass that message along pronto but I don’t know how things are done any more…</p>
<p>I figure they simply didn’t have enough men today for the job today. But now, with jym626’s advice I will be at the house with my dog an NYT and book at 8 am (LasMas,they open at 7:30 am and I will call ) Tues for full observation. </p>
<p>This is a VERY small laid-back town where almost everyone uses this handed-down many-generations of oil company people. They are very competent but low keyed. To commute to Manhattan from here is only for the extremely hardy. </p>
<p>Yes, I will call at 8 am on Tuesday. On Monday I am meeting at the house with the man who ( with his wife) will conduct the tag sale/donation/dumpster.</p>
<p>I told the realtor about the oil tank rescheduling and she wrote me back a very relaxed reply saying “that’ fine, as long a it’s done before the closing.” Surely she meant “before contracts were signed?” I wrote back to her to clarify.</p>
<p>LasMa, I told her about the senior-assitance movers website and will send her the website now. She will certainly appreciate it. Scrolling back now to find the link…found it, just set it to her.</p>
<p>Tried to call my mother all day and the nurses’ station all day but no one picked up. Interrupted just now with a call from my mother–of course I can hear her (slow, unsteady) voice perfectly, but she could hardly understand a word I was saying. Those of you here must have had many different but similarly painful experiences with elders. She actually said she preferred living without hearing aids (being in a silent world…what does that connote?) than getting a new pair. Painfully I drew from her a list of things she wants tomorrow, and now I have to go over there, collect, and come home to a sink-full of dishes…</p>