<p>This is an absolutely fascinating take on why many teens end up frustrated or feeling “lost”. </p>
<p>[Why</a> Teenagers Are Growing Up So Slowly Today - Newsweek](<a href=“http://www.newsweek.com/blogs/nurture-shock/2009/11/05/why-teenagers-are-growing-up-so-slowly-today.html]Why”>Why Teenagers Are Growing Up So Slowly Today)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I’m curious to know what Allen would consider an acceptable ‘painful real-life experience’ or ‘real stress and challenges’. Not curious enough to buy and read the book because honestly the two page article didn’t make enough of a case. It’s not really ground breaking. If he wants to roll with the idea that kids brains are not maturing because they are not experiencing the stress, in other words because of parenting, I would disagree.<br>
</p>
<p>He argues that brains must have developed faster in earlier times. People also had much shorter life expectancy rates. Nutrition was much different, which we now know can play a role in maturation. There are a lot of things at play here. To point a finger at parents and say ‘See, it’s your lousy, over protective instincts that are causing the prefrontal cortex from changing from gray matter to white’, is silly. I have no idea what color my kids prefrontal cortex is. My parenting has affecting my students, for better or worse, however I highly doubt it has changed the color of their prefrontal cortex.</p>
<p>I’m reading this right now and it is actually an interesting look at our adolescence has changed in the the last several generations. I don’t believe that all teens are held in perpetual childhood of overbearing or fearful parents, there are plenty that are holding down jobs, driving around, navigating public transportation, and totally ready to move out and navigate at the point they do. I do agree there is much more “controls” in place for better or worse whether they it is the laws, the parents, society beliefs or whatever. Also many more kids are still in the education system in their late teens and early twenties than decades ago which in and of itself is a quasi sheltered environment.</p>
<p>$14.85 for the Kindle edition - really?</p>
<p>I think the best point here is that we do live longer - that (and the “pill”) has allowed for marriage and childbirth to occur later in life, retirement is rarely at 65 anymore, not just because of the economy but because we’re still spry at 65 and would go crazy in retirement. Every stage has started later because our increase longevity allows it to.</p>
<p>This article resonates with me - it echos my own observations and guesses about what’s going on with kids and teens today. </p>
<p>I have neighbors who won’t let their 12 year old walk the quarter mile up to the corner market to get something by himself - it’s not safe (by the way, this is in an ultra safe suburban neighborhood). Plenty of teens call home every time something unexpected comes up (flat tire, a road is closed, etc). So many kids are wrapped in bubble wrap, because we try so hard to protect them from a whole list of things we can imagine happening (abduction, broken wrists, getting in trouble at school for being late, etc), but some of these kids are turning out so…uninspired, conventional, dependent, risk-averse, whiny, anxious, etc. Ha - I make it sound so bleak and exaggerated. It’s a subtle thing, but it’s there in a lot of kids today.</p>
<p>I read Sidney Poitier’s autobiography years ago and one thing that really stayed with me was when he was talking about his childhood and how rich it was - how much it taught him, and the qualities it developed in him that served him well his whole life. He grew up on a Caribbean island, poorer than anything, but spent his days swimming, exploring, hanging out with kids, etc. He says that the experience developed his sense of self preservation. He might be at the edge of a cliff, but even at the age of 3, with no mom telling him to back up, he knew not to get too close to the edge. When kids and teens face real situations, they learn to trust their intuition and good sense. When we protect them from any possible negative experience by making decisions for them, watching them, telling them not to go too close to the edge, they can develop learned helplessness. They just shut down their own judgment and become dependent on the judgment of others.</p>
<p>And the article talks about taking away REAL responsibilities and replacing them with artificial ones. Teens (or younger) used to have responsibilities that the family relied on - collecting kindling, bringing the cows in, gathering the eggs, bringing in fire wood. Now they are fairly useless to the family, and everyone of any age NEEDS to be a useful, needed human being. Their “job” is to do well in school, and if they don’t, any consequence they get is abstract - no one is saying “oh my gosh, the fire is dying because we don’t have any more firewood here.” </p>
<p>Obviously, life has changed and most families don’t need anyone to bringing the cows or the firewood, but even in modern life, i think our kids are lucky if we make sure they have responsibilities that actually matter. And enough unscheduled, unmonitored time to skin their knees, get a sunburn, get turned around when they’re playing in the woods and take an hour to find their way back, or run out of gas because they were careless.</p>
<p>You know, I think that I might find this view more compelling if we had any idea what the future looked like for our teenagers. When most of us were young there was the very realistic belief that you would graduate high school and find a decent job or graduate college and find a very good job. </p>
<p>Our teenagers don’t have this belief anymore. MOF, they have lived nearly all of their teenage years during one of the worst recessions in this country’s history. They’ve experienced job or home losses within their own families or their friends. </p>
<p>Not only that, most of them were old enough to experience 9/11 but not really understand the context of it. Our country has been in hunker down mode since that day. Teenagers grew up with the consequences of security changes and perpetual war. </p>
<p>These are not excuses but how is it realistic to expect our teenagers to have jobs when they are hard to find for experienced and qualified adults? And if our government is telling us how unsafe and vulnerable we are as a country then how can the author expect parents not to internalize that in ways which our parents had the luxury to avoid? </p>
<p>Even if we consciously do not buy into the terror/danger hype it impacts us on a personal level because the ‘fear culture’ is everywhere. It’s a huge money making industry, for sure. You think it’s bad for teenagers then you should see what they are doing to toddlers. And yet, those toddlers are not expected to be tossed out of the nest in a matter of a year or two into an uncertain future no matter how well you’ve prepared them.</p>
<p>I’m not making excuses or trying to justify valid points the author is trying to make but I do think it’s rather insulting to those of us who have had to parent teenagers during some very trying conditions since the turn of the century.</p>
<p>My point is that parents have hunkered down with their teenagers due to a sense of self preservation and not some need to keep them children or being adverse to them becoming adults. In the end, isn’t that what being a parent is all about in addition to raising them to be productive adults.</p>
<p>Nutrition was much different, which we now know can play a role in maturation. There are a lot of things at play here</p>
<p>My older daughter managed to thrive ( eventually), despite being born 10 weeks early ( 28 years ago) because she was under stress in the womb. ( she tied her cord into three knots increasing her cortisol level which possibly helped her lungs to mature- somewhat)</p>
<p>THis is not uncommon- babies under stress in utero mature faster- a defense mechanism that probably can be traced back to our hunter gatherer days.</p>
<p>HOWEVER, even though this helps the lungs to mature so they can take in oxygen, it does not mean the rest of the system is healthy. Often compromises have been made and another less critical body system is at risk.</p>
<p>If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs- Physiological needs- HAVE to be met for the body to function. Security needs come next, then Social/love/belonging needs, then esteem and self-actualization.</p>
<p>If you are consumed by finding food/shelter/ fighting predators, you aren’t going to have a lot of energy for creative self expression.
However, if your basic needs are met, then you * will have * more time to consider & pursue, your full human potential & I think that is a good thing for all of us in the long run.</p>
<p>I hear the concerns but I see more of a connection to newsstand magazines like Newsweek losing market share & so print more hyperbolic articles, than to the reality of the young people I know.</p>
<p>It seems to me that teens are under more stress than ever before in history. They’ve grown up under a terrorist alert system (just getting through security at the airport or listening to the nightly news reminds them that there are people out there who want to kill them). Society now tells them that EVERYONE should go to college - they’re a loser if they want to go to trade school or drop out at 16 to get a job. Many, many high school students work a part-time job or take on extra-curricular activities such as sports or volunteer work. They deal with the constant bombardment of information that today’s technology lays at their feet. Bullying has reached new levels with the addition of cyber- bullying. American society is much more diverse than ever before. Teens have alot to deal with these days.</p>
<p>We’re overprotecting our teens from real life? I wish I could. Today’s teens know more about the world than any other generation with the exception of those who volunteer for military service; those teens who fight in wars grow up fast - too fast. </p>
<p>I think teens are “slower” to mature because they have so much more information they have to process than teens of earlier generations. They just need more time to sort through the information so they can make educated decisions. </p>
<p>And many kids do help around the house. Milk the cows? No. Cut the grass? Do the dishes? Do their own laundry? Yes.</p>
<p>Get their homework done? Practice their instruments? Practice their sport? All of these require time management skills, dedication, perseverance, patience, etc. Skills all needed to live a successful adult life.</p>
<p>I think today’s teens are amazing. Most get through the process and turn out to be wonderful adults.</p>
<p>I have read the book because the title intrigued me. The author’s point is that teenagers need real, meaningful interactions with adults in the adult world to become less dependent on their parents and transition into independent adulthood. They need to feel that they are doing something worthwhile and more tangible than just preparing to get into college, and then get into law or med or grad school- the “endless adolescence”. They need someone else besides Mom and Dad to work with them, set rules, impose consequences. The work can be volunteer but meaningful, but not just standing around in someone’s way. Or the job should involve some real responsibility, like opening or closing the store, taking care of children, etc.
Especially, they need to feel they have some autonomy and purpose beyond prepping for the SAT. I agree whole-heartedly.</p>
<p>You want stress, try growing up male and healthy during the MUCH more deadly Vietnam War era. The hothouse flower treatment of kids today is all too common. Ask any teacher or anyone dealing with kids on a regular basis. Add in the unintended social alienation of the “social networks” and the impact of constant electronic versus real contact and you have a recipe for really screwed up kids.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>How are the above unique to today’s teens?</p>
<p>I just finished the book also and found the ideas in it insightful and provocative. The Newsweek article’s focus on that brains might be different because of lack of stresses was a minor point in the book, not the main point at all.</p>
<p>One of the main ideas I took away is that, with the rise of the industrial age, teenagers stopped being contributing, albeit junior, members of society because they needed further education in order to contribute at a higher level. So, they stopped having regular interactions with adults, and started being segregated with their own age group much more often. This took away their opportunity to be socialized into adult society by the adults around them.</p>
<p>And, further, teens want autonomy, they want to grow up, they just don’t know how. They grab at things that make them seem grown up - alcohol, drugs, sex - and these become the cornerstones of teenage society. Even crime, which occurs much more often among young people is one of the ways that a teenager can act as if they are an adult.</p>
<p>The Drs Allen give examples of programs that have been effective preventing teenage pregnancy and juvenile delinquency. Their analysis attributes the program successes to the fact that the teens were given real work to do, that made a difference, and that provided opportunity for meaningful (even if brief) interaction with adults. They have more research underway into this issue.</p>
<p>Huh. And all this time I thought kids were being forced to grow up too fast, with the increasing sexualization of television/media – and childhood – and the huge numbers of latchkey kids responsible for watching themselves and younger siblings after school until parent(s) get home from work. It’s also sad how many kids are forced to fend for themselves due to parents’ drug/alcohol problems, marriage/relationship-go-rounds, etc.</p>
<p>Yes, some kids today are over-protected and being raised in a bubble, but unfortunately there are a lot more kids who growing up fending for themselves.</p>
<p>*So, they stopped having regular interactions with adults, and started being segregated with their own age group much more often. *</p>
<p>Sounds pretty rough.
My grandfather was forced to leave school in 8th grade- not unusual for a farming community- but hey he learned how to work side by side with adults- just what all 13 yr olds should be doing.
But [maybe some think we should turn back the clock](<a href=“The History Place - Child Labor in America: Investigative Photos of Lewis Hine”>http://www.historyplace.com/unitedstates/childlabor/</a>)</p>
<p>I’m not sure why conversations like this often turn to sarcasm pretty quickly, except maybe the anonymity of the internet.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This makes sense to me. One of our sons does a sport that isn’t through school or kids’ groups - he participates with all age groups together. My husband grew up doing the same sport, and he said one of the biggest things he loved about it (and we love that our son has experienced this too) is the interaction as peers with adults. It’s cool when an adult comes up after an event and asks a 13 year old how they managed one move that put them out ahead. It’s a real conversation. And since these events are often out of town, the kids, teens, and adults interact socially in the evening. </p>
<p>I think kids are really missing out if they lack these kinds of experiences in their lives - interacting with adults as peers. </p>
<p>And it’s just as good for them if they have some real responsibilities or contributions to make toward their families or communities. It’s such a basic need - to be needed, valued, appreciated. It’s only natural that it’s good for kids to feel those things. It’s difficult in our society to find those opportunities for kids, although household chores are certainly the easiest and most obvious ones to include in a kid’s life. Volunteering can give a kid that feeling too, or having a job. Comparing these ideas to forced child labor and dropping out at age 13 to work on a farm seems an exaggeration.</p>
<p>You thought my post was sarcastic?
I really don’t understand.</p>
<p>There is a reason why we passed child labor laws.
Children need time to be children- & spending the bulk of their time with other children does not take away their ability to contribute.
It is not difficult to find opportunity for children to be able to feel like they make a difference , however we have to start allowing them to make choices and learning the consequences from when they are small.</p>
<p>Having all the decisions made for them, is what hampers their ability to learn the rights and responsibilties that come with maturation, not the fact that they dont have to work to put food in their mouth.</p>
<p>I also wonder if we let our kids be “children” longer than teens were allowed to be in the past, then will they actually end up more mature at 30, 40, or 50 years old because they had time when they were younger to live through all the phases necessary to reach maturation. How many adults do you know are immature - at least in some area of their lives? So many of us were rushed through childhood only to find ourselves as adults having to learn those lessons that should have been learned long ago? </p>
<p>It seems to me the kids who haven’t matured properly aren’t the kids who come from loving, caring, nurturing families. It’s the kids who are neglected by their parents, forced to grow up too fast, and are shoved into the adult world too soon. </p>
<p>And, it seems to me that past generations weren’t more mature. How many lived in extended family situations? How many lived in the same town as their parents often talking to their parents on a daily basis? How many depended on family members to help them raise their children or run the family business/farm? </p>
<p>I don’t know any kids who have all their decisions made for them. They are away from their parents at school, must make choices about how to interact with others (teachers, other students, school administrators, coaches, supervisors, etc.), and do plenty of things that we, as parents, would find questionable (if we only knew what they were doing when we weren’t around!) I’m happy I am able to be there for my kids, put in my two cents as they get older, and watch them learn to make their own decisions - even if it means rejecting my ideas.</p>
<p>“There is a reason why we passed child labor laws.
Children need time to be children- & spending the bulk of their time with other children does not take away their ability to contribute.”</p>
<p>This post about children misses the point of the book, as expressed in the title, the endless ADOLESCENCE. It’s about TEENAGERS not being giving the chance to become emerging adults. Rather, they are being kept in an artificially long adolescence because their parents fear there are too many dangerous things out there, the neighborhood isn’t safe, there are germs everywhere, they might get a B and not get into a good college…and how this contributes to generalized anxiety and conditions such as anorexia, unhappiness, senior slump, and other conditions that mostly affect overprotected middle-class teens, not neglected ones. Some modern teens have gone from being contributors to the family to just beneficiaries of others’ efforts. Mom and Dad both work two jobs so Junior can just focus on her GPA and college aps, go on school trips to Europe, have private flute lessons, SAT tutoring, etc, etc. But all this largesse heaped on Junior comes with strings attached- the burden to get straight A’s, be first chair in the youth orchestra, get into a top-tier school. It’s a lot of pressure that some can’t handle. It also sets up a sense of entitlement that can’t possibly be maintained in this economy unless Ms. Junior marries Mark Zuckerberg. When asked about getting a job this past summer, one of my D’s friends (college freshman) told her father, “I’ll get a job when Mom gets a job.” She took two overseas trips instead, to Europe and Costa Rica, and went to a movie and dinner every other night of the summer, courtesy of Mom and Dad.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yuck. I was at the hair salon one day when I overheard this story: A woman was in her front yard playing with her young son when she observed her neighbor (just turned 16 years old) coming out of her front door, followed by her mother, who was filming her with a video camera. In the driveway was a brand new Hyundai SUV with a large red bow on the roof. The 16 y/o girl began to sob, saying “That is SUCH a crappy car.” Mom chuckled, and right about that time, Dad came around the corner, driving the “real present,” a brand new BMW. They had rented the Hyundai as a joke, knowing that their daughter would be upset, and wanted to capture the whole thing on video so that they could preserve the moment for perpetuity. </p>
<p>While I felt the teen’s behavior was abhorrent, the problem clearly lies with the parents. If teens aren’t growing up or becoming good citizens, it’s not all their own fault. They aren’t any worse than teens of any other generation, they are just not being parented well.</p>
<p>That said, I have observed some really fantastic young people who are far more mature, accomplished, and responsible than I was at that age, so I have a whole lot of faith in today’s youth.</p>