“A thank you call, email, text or card is “over the top” after we got their family $10,000 they were struggling to come up with? Yeah, strongly disagree with you.”
That’s not at all, not one little bit, what I said. I said it was over the top not to tell them about the renewal option because of the missed thank you. But it seems you came here to vent, and to get approval for your plan of action. Some people thought that was not what they would do. Don’t ask for opinions if you don’t want to hear the answers.
I imagine the information about potential renewal of the scholarship is not a secret, and could be learned by your niece with some effort on her part. So I think you have no further obligation to assist if you prefer not to do so.
“It’s also worth noting she/they are the only family not to write a thank you letter to the committee at work who doles out the awards (which isn’t mandatory, but something everyone else did).”
That’s another thing you (or your DH if it’s his sibling) should broach with the Niece’s parents. “I’m so glad Niece is settling into college and the Company Scholarship was able to make that possible. Would you please make sure to write a thank you letter to the scholarship committee? Since I am the employee who referred you, it would reflect badly on me if that didn’t happen. The company does track those niceties and consider them when making future awards. Thanks.”
Not only should you be the bigger person and tell them about the follow-ons, but you should tell everybody here how to easily get $10,000/year for college. This way you can get MANY thank yours!!
@teahour, can my kids become your friend? They will write thank you notes. I promise.
Seriously, when I first read this, I got the impression that you owned the company and you handed out the scholarship, but now read it a little differently. I think I’m right in saying that you work for a company that gives out these very generous scholarships. You tipped your niece off that it might be an easy one to get. In that case, a note I don’t think is really necessary. When you tipped them off, did they thank you for giving you the information then? I really think that would have been appropriate. I tend to think the best about people (and am often disappointed) but generally I doubt that they were using you. They just might be “poor” in the social skills department.
I have to say that I would be more upset about the lack of acknowledgement to the company. That really is a must. I totally agree with @milee30 that I would talk to your sibling (or have your spouse do it if it’s their sibling) and tell them their daughter needs to send a thank you to the company ASAP.
That said, I agree with the poster who said to be the bigger person here about informing your niece about the renewal nature of the scholarship.
No, there was never a thank you. They were a bit suspicious and didn’t seem to treat it very seriously. I suspect they thought we were exaggerating the likelihood of winning a free $10,000. But they did win. And still no thank you. By the way, it was won several months ago. We’ve been biting our tongue for months thinking we’d get a thank you at the open house. Or maybe around move-in time. Or maybe a random letter, text or email. Nope. Nothing.
I’d write an email that said, “Hey, I never got confirmation that you were happy that I tipped you off to that scholarship last year. I don’t think anyone at the company heard from as well. But I assume you were happy, so you should be aware that she can apply for future years as well.”
I also think your opening to niece is that she needs to thank the company ‘or they might not get the renewal.’ Suggest the daughter write a note to the committee about which school she chose and how it is going.
My daughter attends a school where all the scholarships from the school are ‘named’ for an alum. The student is required to write a note to the alum or family thanking them for the $2000 and it is suggested the student mention how the money helps with tuition, books, housing, etc. I think it is a great policy to have as it make the students realize there are real people behind the money funding their educations. Dick Cheney and family provide a lot of money for study abroad programs, and they get a letter from every student. No note, no scholarship.
While I think your neice or her parents should have sent a thank you note, I think you are being VERY petty by not wanting her to get the scholarship for the next 3 years. Are you not personally rewarded that you did something nice for your niece? That would have been enough for me, with or without the acknowledgement.
@teahour: Similar experience with a company about 20 years ago. The scholarship was $25,000 or $35,000 and they could not find a single taker despite repeated pleas. Had to be a child of an employee.
With respect to your situation, I think that you are right to feel unappreciated. I do not know what to suggest. Could it be that the thank you card or other acknowledgement somehow got lost ? If not, ask the couple why they never thanked you. Then, depending upon their response, either walk away or tell them of the ongoing opportunity for $10,000 per year.
OP, you mentioned it was a “life changing” event. So presumably the renewal scholarships would also make a big difference. Are you really going to pat yourself on the back if you don’t tell them, and there is financial hardship because of it, that you could have helped them avoid? “Well they got what they deserved”.
Not the way I personally want to live my life. They are family, right?
By all means tell them that you would have liked a thank you (and especially that the committee really deserves one).
I have to agree with you @teahour ! Bottom line is, she would not have this large sum of money if you and your husband hadn’t initiated the entire thing. A thank you from both your niece and her parents should have been given to you immediately. I don’t think you’re being petty at all. I’d feel the same way you do.
Wow. Since when do good deeds come with an expectation of acknowledgement? IMO, it should be enough for you to bask in the private glow of helping someone you love at this level. It might be considered rude not to say “thank you,” but I sure hope a pat on the back was not what you were looking for when you passed along this helpful information. And withholding the additional information is the definition of small, stingy, and petty in my book. Do you understand the term “unsung hero?”
It was a good deed to help your niece get the scholarship. It will be another good deed to teach her about thank you notes. If she doesn’t know when they are expected, or how to write one, help her out. Give her the benefit of the doubt. She needs this lesson in her personal and professional life. She needs an adult to insist she write your company. Insist and model the behavior for her several times before giving up on her.
I would reach out to the niece with a note explaining that a thank hyou note to your company should be forthcoming from her asap. She may not be aware that it is something that is expected.
For me, I expect no notes or cards expressing gratitude, though it is nice to get them. I would never consider being vindictive about the slight.
I am reminded of the people who check to see who sends a them a Christmas card each year to see who should be on their list the following year. Either send cards because you like to share your enjoyment of them or stop sending cards. If it is an obligatory thing, it has no meaning anyway.
If I were you, I would feel better about myself if I did not withhold the info about the recurring scholarship. Wouldn’t you rather just do a good thing? Karma, grace, whatever you believe in, doing the right thing and taking the high road is usually what will bring you peace.
