<p>I’m wondering if he can’t order it because the girl is an adult now. </p>
<p>A friend of mine had a difficult period with her daughter when her daughter didn’t want to follow the house rules (curfews, usual kinds of things). The daughter was 17. The daughter actually called the police because Mom wouldn’t let her leave to go to a party. The police came and informed Mom that at 17, she could not stop the daughter from leaving but she also could not throw her out of the house because she was legally obligated to care for her until she was 18. The officers told her this in front of the kid. From that point, until the D was 18, she did whatever she wanted knowing that Mom couldn’t kick her out but she also couldn’t make her stay. It was a disaster. Thankfully they got through it and the girl matured and they have a good relationship now. </p>
<p>I think this varies very much by region and the discretion of the individual officers. </p>
<p>In some other places I know of, the police officers would be more inclined to back up the parent, lecture the legal minor, and warn him/her that there are legal penalties for making frivolous/false reports to the local police. </p>
<p>sigh.
so you can’t stop your kid from going to a party, but if something goes wrong (drugs, alcohol, etc), you can get in trouble for allowing your kid to go to that party.</p>
<p>@johnri - so it didn’t seem as if the parents gave permission for the daughter to be with the boyfriend until it was out of control and the school intervened.</p>
<p>I have a friend who had a D who was very difficult. Once she was 16, the police told her they couldn’t help her if the D ran away, was using drugs, was with a pimp or anything, even if she was in the parents’ sight. It was a very difficult situation for the parents and they ended up raising their first grandchild, which was born to this D, who was a troubled unwed, single mom. The D has had several other kids from different men but the parents are having the D raise them. Very tough situation.</p>
<p>Have had other families told similar things. You can’t hold a child over 16 for mental health treatment without their consent in HI. There is a small exception where you can hold for 72 hours if the patient is in imminent danger of hurting himself or others, but that’s it. If the young person is in a program and chooses to leave or run away, parents can’t get police to help retrieve or pretty much do anything.</p>
<p>Seems that the school is in an unenviable position in this case as well. Have never heard of a school having a disciplinarian who can give or withhold consent as to where a student lives, but that’s not the world I live in. </p>
<p>The judge is definitely in an uncomfortable position, IMHO. Would NOT want to be in his shoes. All the parties sound like they could benefit from some counseling, but it may well be too late to salvage much in the way or relationships.</p>
<p>We are very generous with our children. However, the moment any of them “demand” money is the precise moment that we would most likely deny them. This sense of entitlement is a frame of mind that we do not wish to propagate. It is not an attitude that invites success in life. This young lady is extraordinarily immature and it looks like she is intent on learning things the hard way. So be it.</p>
<p>Yes, we are very generous with our loved ones (especially our kids). Would likely stop all support if any ever DEMANDED from us. Lawsuits are definitely one way of slamming doors and burning bridges–the nuclear and most toxic option I know of for trying to get your way, with as much bad publicity as possible.</p>
<p>Cobrat - you mentioned Rutgers, in our public school down the road, unless hooked, you need a 3.8 to get it. Not sure why that would be any different for Morris Catholic.</p>
<p>You need a 3.8 GPA to get into Rutgers even as an in-stater? Is this due to the perceived rigor of Morris Catholic HS or the local public? </p>
<p>Just wondering as in many of the well-off NNJ towns I know of, Rutgers is often regarded as one of the academic/financial safeties of last resort…especially by students with 3.8+ GPAs. </p>
<p>I’d be very surprised if it applies even to New Brunswick as the folks I know from those NNJ towns would already be holding their noses up in disdain when forced by parents to apply to that branch. </p>
<p>It’s more doubtful they’d apply to Newark or Camden. They’re not only regarded as academically inferior, but also most parents from such suburban towns would have serious issues with their kids applying on perceived safety grounds. </p>
<p>Especially Camden which is widely perceived as a crime-ridden city by most well-off suburban NJ residents along with those in the greater Philadelphia area. </p>
<p>Yes, New Brunswick. I’m just relating what is the knowledge I have from our Morris County public HS by way of Naviance. Really, just the facts, not some conjecture on my part.</p>
<p>Well, here’s a link to rankings if that makes anything clear. I posted before the piece Morris Catholic puts out with SAT scores a few days back. This at least could compare apples to apples. As far as publics vs. Morris Catholic, I would wonder why someone would find a benefit to Morris Catholic over publics. SATs were lower and there were fewer APs offered - but they can be very large - 450-500 per class year as opposed to Morris Catholic having something like 600 overall so there’s that. </p>
<p>Did the lawyer actually say the girl is emancipated? If so, this makes her independent for federal aid … therefore, if I were her parents’ lawyer I would argue that the parents cannot possibly be ordered to pay for her college, because even the federal government lets the parents of emancipated young adults off the hook for responsibility in paying for college. (Edit: I suppose the attorney meant emancipated due to age … so forget this argument!)</p>
<p>This is a sad situation all around. If I were the Cannings, I would certainly be trying to take care of this through means other than a public court case. They are, after all, the adults. They should be working with the courts to try to get some type of family mediation.</p>
<p>Maybe kelsmom. But, I think if my out-of-control 18-year old sued me I would want to win. That’s quite a lesson. Of course, I have little faith that mediation, counseling, therapy or anything else is ever really going to fix this. Sometimes there is no going back and this family, sadly, seems to be at that point. </p>