<p>Not sure what leverage the parents have to bring an unwilling party to mediation. The underlying premise of mediation is CONSENT. Ther seems no mutual respect or consent in this case. </p>
<p>Amandakayak & Oldfort,</p>
<p>Ok. That clears things up a bit. Thanks for putting up profiles.</p>
<p>Am a bit floored by the Catholic HS profile as even their top 25% mean SAT profile is only slightly higher than the overall mean SAT profile of the NNJ HSs attended by my NNJ relatives. </p>
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<p>I don’t know if you had the chance to wade through the documents, particularly the dad’s comments, the reconciliation email from the girl (“I am trying to change”) and how it all got off the rails very quickly. What was particularly sad was the meeting that the dad had with the other adult who was housing her in December of last year. That clearly could have gone better and it seemed that at that point the lawyer for the girl was already called and working the case.</p>
<p>So yes, sad all around.</p>
<p>I know a little something about what happens to families who go through things like this. May they have better luck putting the pieces back together again someday than we have had. My older sister got our next door neighbors to help her pursue a false abuse case against my parents, and after my parents spent every penny they had defending themselves and the charges were finally dropped, my sister was completely estranged for 7 years or so. In that time she got married and had three kids, which we missed out on. She’s not estranged anymore but she might as well be. The relationship is gone, we keep up the pretense only for the children. She is very mentally ill and still lies like she breathes and doesn’t take responsibility for what she did, so she has probably told her kids awful things about our family anyway. </p>
<p>My feelings about the other family involved in our case are complicated. On the one hand, everyone in town knew my sister was lying-- as did the courts, her therapists, and all the social workers that came to our house during the trial. On the one hand I think, how could they really have believed her? Her stories were so far fetched and ridiculous and obviously designed to get back at my parents for not kowtowing to her every whim-- like, for example, she claimed they refused to buy her a winter coat because they had gotten her a designer coat for christmas and she lost it and they told her “you have four other coats in the closet, wear one of those and learn how to take better care of your things.” She was mad at them for refusing to replace it so she told the police they were making her freeze to death. I saw her go outside and hit her head against the side of the house, and she told the neighbor my dad threw a tv at her head-- a tv I was watching spongebob on during the argument in another room. She was lying. But then I think, if a very distraught young girl shows up on your doorstep and tells you her parents are mistreating her, is it so easy to say “I just don’t believe it” and send her home? Probably not. We haven’t made eye contact with those neighbors in 15 years. They still think my parents are evil bad people who throw tvs and don’t give their kids coats.</p>
<p>I agree with all the distaste for the family that is helping her support this lawsuit, but part of me wonders what exactly she told them that spurred them to help her with this. My sister is pretty good at making my parents sound unbearable even without resorting to fictional abuse and neglect, if you exaggerate in just the right way people believe you. The people that helped my sister are good people but my sister manipulated the heck out of them, I don’t think they stood a chance.</p>
<p>So sorry Ema, for you and all who have suffered due to manipulation of others. I admit, I suspect the family and attorney probably believe they are doing the right things. It is just very upsetting when all of the family issues are aired publicly in court. I would be astounded if any relationship between Rachel and her family can be salvaged at this point. </p>
<p>Does anyone know anything about the Inglesino family? Is there a mother around? Personally, as I said upthread, as a wife and mother I would have a huge problem with my husband investing all this time and our family resources into the problems of another family. When you look at pictures of Rachel and the Inglesino girl, the Inglesino girl looks a bit dejected. Wonder how all of this is affecting her? Honestly, I was tight with my dad as a teenager. I would have been upset if so much of his attention had been focused on one of my friends. IMO Inglesino is a huge part of this problem.</p>
<p>Some Inglesinofamily info - married, attorney, Chris Christie ally:</p>
<p><a href=“News | Heavy.com”>http://www.heavy.com/news/2014/03/rachel-canning-lawyer-john-inglesino-chris-christie-friend/</a></p>
<p>With some ethics issues pending:</p>
<p><a href=“Inglesino's lucrative Parsippany job on the line, pair allege 'egregious' ethics violations - nj.com”>Inglesino's lucrative Parsippany job on the line, pair allege 'egregious' ethics violations - nj.com;
<p>Was the Chris Christie ally info really germane to this topic?</p>
<p>I have no idea. Not an expert on NJ politics. But there are stories implying animosity of a political nature between Rachel’s father and John Inglesino. So - it begs the question - is John Inglesino an altruistic guy trying to help his daughter’s friend? Or is this an opportunity to stick it to someone he dislikes? Politics in NJ seems to get very personal - so yes, it is relevent.</p>
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<p>Considering there may be a small town political dispute angle and the fact he’s being investigated for other possible ethical/criminal allegations related to legal work he’s done for a town, the fact he’s associated with Chris Christie is relevant.</p>
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<p>I don’t get that.
Suing to get money for college will, at best, get you money for college.
It will do nothing good for any sort of relationship with the parents, siblings, grandparents, friends of the family and so on. It will also do nothing good for your reputation.</p>
<p>The right thing is to work hard and patiently towards a reconciliation. One approach in that December meeting could very well have been “hey, we are happy to have her stay with us for a couple of months until things cool down and you guys can have some time for joint and individual counciling”. </p>
<p>Ema, my sympathies to your family. As I’ve mentioned before, a friend of mine had a D who pulled a lot of the same stuff, including the false abuse claims. She ran away to a friend’s house, moved in with a BF, and so on. Many people in their town still believe that they were at least mentally abusive to her. Just appalling. </p>
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<p>I think this is a big challenge for the parents, the kid and the friends. If you know the family for a while, it is often hard to understand how little Johnny or Jane, who you have known since they were adorable, precocious and wonderful little kids, could now be in so much trouble. Of course, in some cases it is abuse and in some cases it is just the bad luck of changes in the person and in some, it is some combo (e.g., kid starts to go off the rails and the parents are ill prepared to help in the right way).</p>
<p>When our middle child was in 6th grade, we took him to a counselor who pronounced that he was “situationally depressed,” and my husband and I were the situation! Bunch of nonsense. Fortunately, after a few weeks, she figured out that my son was good at exaggeration.</p>
<p>It is easy for people to be tricked. Just recently the woman next door posted a picture of herself with my sister on facebook saying something about having lunch with her “adopted daughter” – they are quite close. I think “lady, if she were really your daughter you would not trust her enough to stand so close!” Nor would she need “adoptive” parents had she not thrown hers in the trash. My sister is still friends with this couple and their kids-- who are in their mid 30s and late 20s now. They have no idea who she really is or what her life with us was actually like. They believe what she says, and she tells it quite convincingly if you don’t already know she’s full of it. She once tried to lie to me and tell me she never really claimed abuse, and mom and dad just blew it all out of proportion, thinking that would sound more realistic to me and that she’d win me to her side-- forgetting I was old enough to remember what really happened for myself, apparently. </p>
<p>The sad thing is, they don’t realize she is dangerous. When her case was dropped she threatened to hurt me and kidnap my younger sister, and my mom found out she had been going around town telling people my younger sister was really her child so that when she did it people would think she was just rescuing her own child from abusive grandparents-- seriously. My mom picked us up from school in the office for months so the school could verify who we were leaving with, we had a PPO. And these people have lunch with her. Some people actually believe what she says, wholeheartedly. </p>
<p>I have to assume this girl is just as dysfunctional, honestly, to get so tied up in such a farce-- unless the other father is the ringleader here, which is possible and extremely disturbing. It makes you wonder what is going on here. One of the two of them is seriously messed up in the head if you ask me. I think it takes more than a sense of entitlement to take your parents to court, there is a complete disconnect from reality there in my opinion. Having seen firsthand the commitment it takes to throw your parents under the bus like that, I don’t think any mentally sound person could do it. Either she is completely nuts and off the rails, or she is extremely vulnerable and this guy is taking advantage. </p>
<p>Perhaps BOTH the atty AND Rachel are “off the rails” and figured out this scenario together, synergistically feeding off one another. In any case, all of it is beyond sad for the family, especially the two younger sisters. Seems like the atty has to believe his case if he is to argue it convincingly. Rachel up had to have supplied many of the details that the atty is using. </p>
<p>Not to mention that lawsuits can be as expensive if not more so than college - it’s very disturbing that he cannot take a higher ground on this case. </p>
<p>Since the atty is seeking legal fees, his motives are especially suspect and has cost the parents, having to hire their own defense atty. Can’t see that there will be many resources left after legal fees. Doesn’t appear any party wants the higher ground, as so much ill will has already been publicized. </p>
<p>I’m surprised that after reports that the Inglesinos provided Rachel with alcohol when she was 15, that their suitability as parents for their own children is not being investigated.
Here CPS will remove children from the home as a precaution after only receiving a phone call that they may be at risk.
<a href=“Teen suing parents rages at ‘spoiled’ baby boomers”>http://nypost.com/2014/03/07/teen-suing-parents-baby-boomers-are-the-spoiled-ones/</a></p>
<p>@fluffy2017 Thank you. Thank you for saying exactly what was on my mind in so few words.</p>
<p>I can understand the Inglesinos taking her in - they couldn’t have left her on the street, and they couldn’t have forced her to go home. But what I don’t understand is why they couldn’t just quietly keep her while they talked things over with her parents. I’m sure a compromise of some sort could have been reached - they could’ve stuck some basic rules on her, agreed to let them see her on weekends, anything that could have tided the family over while keeping things under the table. They obviously have influence over Rachel, and it’s sad that they used it to spark a court case rather than convince her to get the help she and her family need.</p>