<p>It’s clear that the differences in addressing family problems like this are created by differences in generations and differences in family/cultural backgrounds and values. I never took a dime from my parents for college, and was pretty much spending my own [meager] money anyway when it came to entertainment, gasoline etc. by the time I was 16. And having a degree of independence didn’t mean I was detached from my parents or familial obligations and family life in general. Otherwise I am sure I would have found myself slapped silly by my mother, a woman half my size. Concerning Lake Jr., I told him early on in high school that I paid my own way through college with scholarships, summer jobs etc. and that he may be compelled to do likewise. The funny thing is, I have never ignored his financial needs and would never do so. I’m probably a helicopter parent but frankly it’s a joy to provide for children as they seek to make a place for themselves in the world. As an observer in this Canning family matter, I guess I am just hung up and royally annoyed by the possibility of courts and rose eyeglasses advocacy groups mandating what parents must do in such a situation for an “adult” child. Well, that’s it…no more rants from me today. LOL.</p>
<p>I am very careful about throwing around things, like “it must be the parents fault” or “the kid is a spoiled brat” or how 'it was so much better when we were growing up"…it gets me more than a little irked, because how many of us knew kids from “good, solid families”, who turned out less then stellar in high school, who caused their parents grief? How many people who were considered ‘good parents’ and you find out later that was an image, a facade? I don’t know what happened here, I don’t know if the daughter was influenced by the wrong people (it doesn’t sound like it, from the description of her, but who knows), I don’t know if the parents were uber strict to the point where the girl rebelled, I don’t know. Without that story, I won’t judge, maybe the people she is staying with truly believe the girl was mistreated, even if it is mistaken. </p>
<p>One of the reasons courts get involved with families is because families don’t often do the right thing, one of the reasons courts will force in the case of a divorce the parents to pay for college is because out of spite at their ex, take it out on the child, when the plan all along had been to have the kid go to college. I saw a case like this, guy who was my ophthalmologist had found some young woman, dropped his wife (who had helped him get through college and medical school by working), and basically said he wanted to devote his resources to his new wife, literally said his kids were on their own…families should be our base of support and love, they should be this thing we can rely on, but it doesn’t always work out that way, Ozzie and Harriet is a myth far too many people kind of swallow as being real…</p>
<p>Like I said, seeing the vitriol in this case, and also that the school and someone familiar with the situation both seem to agree with the daughter, tends to make me think there is more to this then simply a girl out of control (among other things, unless things have changed, Catholic schools were not exactly promoters of the wild life style and at least in my day, would be a lot more likely to side with the parents then the kid, sadly including covering up for abusive parents in some cases), so I suspect there is more to this than an ungrateful child. CPS might not have found evidence of real abuse, but also understand that CPS has real cases of horrible abuse to deal with and probably wouldn’t waste too much time on something like this, where the girl had not been beaten or sexually abused and appears to be a family dispute, not over the top abuse. </p>
<p>As a parent, this kind of thing saddens me and there is no winner here, no right and wrong, because in the end all that is happening is everyone is getting hurt. I don’t automatically assume the kid is a spoiled brat, like ‘all these spoiled high schoolers today’, I don’t assume the parents were abusive, harsh people, the only thing I assume or believe is that this likely is not the fault of one party or the other, but a lot of mistakes on both sides that escalated. If I was the judge (which you can all be thankful I am not, the law and I don’t mesh well <em>lol</em>) I would probably use what power I had to force the sides to get help, whether arbitration or counseling. One of the things that is important here is when the sides testify, ‘facts’ will be brought out into the open, and both sides kind of have to tell the truth. If the parents say they didn’t kick her out of the house, and it turns out they did, they could be liable for perjury, same with the girl. If they say her college account is available to her and testify to that in court, but then there is proof they are witholding it, it is perjury, in the papers and court of public opinion you can say what you want, in court you cannot, and I am hoping maybe when the ‘facts’ come out that with that out there, something can happen to allow them to reconcile. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>None of us here possess all the information needed to make the case that this is all on the parents.</p>
<p>^^^ Agreed, Nrdsb4. That was an outlandish conclusion to arrive at given what we know (and don’t know).</p>
<p>Reading through the PDF of court documents that was posted a few pages back, I would be leaning towards the parents story being more reliable. It seems like the boyfriend and his family and the inglesinos both served rachel alcohol, brought her home drunk, etc. it also seems like the contract with the high school was met when they paid for the first semester. It sounds like the amount in the college fund is limited and the parents had not agreed to tuition at any price and they were not consulted on the college list. The copies of nasty emails and voice mails that rachel sent also don’t do her any favors. </p>
<p>The local papers do not give details on all of the “rules” she had to follow to live at home, but one specifically was to “give up your boyfriend, we don’t like him”. All three parties sound like idjits who can’t see the forest for the trees.</p>
<p>My advice to the young lady is to either leave and not go back, and get herself declared independent, or go back and suck it up until graduation day. It sounds like a power struggle. </p>
<p>One point that is not stressed is that they did in essence stop paying for her to go to Catholic school, in the middle of her senior year. Why they didn’t take that saved money and get family counseling, with or without her, is beyond me. Don’t you think an 18 year old “coming home drunk” needs professional help?</p>
<p>This story reminds me of the many “I got in, but my parents and I can’t pay the EFC” posts on CC. The broader issue is why parents MUST or at least are expected to pay the college costs for an adult. </p>
<p>Luckily, I was 17 when I entered college; I wonder if that matters. Only one of mine will still be 17 when entering college (if he goes).</p>
<p>The people I feel the most sorry for are the boyfriend’s family. Because of this girl’s selfish, self centered, brattiness, now he and his family are subjected to what should have been private conversations between this girl and her parents and it’s in the media. Even if her parents did not like this boy it is now on pubic record. I’m sure his parents are counseling him to get as far, far away from this awful girl as possible. </p>
<p>No parent “owes” their child a college education and I highly doubt that would survive any kind of court order.</p>
<p>
I wonder where the girl’s college fund is parked. One of the advantages of a 529 over an UGMA/UTMA account is that I or my H is the owner of the account and we have the freedom to change the beneficiary of the accounts anytime. </p>
<p>Well, the boy’s father spoke to the DailyMail about how his son isn’t the bad influence…so don’t worry too much about the boyfriend’s family.</p>
<p>Everyone is talking about this. I was at my doctor’s office, I over heard the doorman, delivery person, and a visitor (complete strangers to each other) discussing this issue. I think this touches so many people.</p>
<p>This case reminded me of this funny poster:
<a href=“http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UdirLCUb01M/Uv1FJ6K6sII/AAAAAAAARNk/54wK9Myxitc/s1600/teenagers.jpg”>http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UdirLCUb01M/Uv1FJ6K6sII/AAAAAAAARNk/54wK9Myxitc/s1600/teenagers.jpg</a></p>
<p>I think everyone is talking because this is a story of an underage girl who is drinking, who is staying out past curfew, who has speeding tickets, who was kicked off the cheerleading squad and it goes on and on yet SHE is suing her parents but she is NOT suing for emancipation…quite the opposite, she wants everything her parents can afford and that SHE feels is due her, but she doesn’t want them to set any conditions on the largesse. It is quite fascinating in a perverse sort of way. </p>
<p>Her parents should be getting her help. She needs help. As a parent of a child who has had suicidal ideations, I am wondering if this thread would change if the worst happened. The brain is still forming even into the early 20s. What is the parents’ excuse, if they can afford Catholic school, and then even stopped paying for it, WHY aren’t they getting her help for apparent alcohol and behavior issues?</p>
<p>What they needed from the judge is that they have to pay for her IF she gets professional help, which they will also pay for. I do not think this is a poor family that is struggling to get by.</p>
<p>If the parents can’t even get this girl to come home and live with them while she completes high school (and yes, abides by some really basic house rules) why do you think that they can get her “help.”? Do you think that she would agree to go to rehab for her alcohol problem? She’s 18 which means she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. It’s just unbelievable that she and her “hosts” have the gall to insist that her parents support her financially under the circumstances.</p>
<p>If you haven’t read the court papers (linked a few pages back) you really can’t grasp how bizarrely awful this girl is. Obviously the parents have had problems of their own and made mistakes but one could argue that dealing with a child as incorrigible as this one could easily put a huge strain on the marriage and family and actually be the cause of many of the problems outlined.</p>
<p>Sometimes teenagers can be really horrible people, through no fault of the parents.</p>
<p>According to the linked court documents, Rachel did have therapy while at home (she also has a diagnosed eating disorder). In addition, the parents did make a counseling appointment and had counseling as one condition toward an attempt at reconciliation. Rachel would not go and filed suit instead . </p>
<p>hey she only wanted $650.00 a week, or 2600 a month. Hey that is doable for parents with two other kids in the house.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You make very judgmental comments about the parents but obviously haven’t availed yourself of the facts… What makes you so certain that her parents had not attempted to get her help for her problems? Among the court documents that I linked were numerous references to the fact that the daughter had been getting counseling, but at some point she refused to go or to take the medication that had been recommended. Also in an email the father sent the daughter, one of the conditions for her coming home was that she resume therapy. But she refused.</p>
<p>With you LW</p>
<p>People keep making reference to the court over stepping their bounds and the parents having failed since the dispute ended up in court. Please keep in mind that the ONLY reason this matter ended up in court is because that is precisely where the “host father” wanted it to be. He engineered it, he financed it and he obviously egged the girl on. I am sure the judge would have been happy to have never laid eyes on this sorry bunch. </p>
<p>The court papers reflect that the “host father” did meet with Sean Canning at a diner a few months ago. His last words to him were “get a lawyer”. In my mind this Inglesino guy is a huge part of the problem. I think he wants to play hero to an attractive young girl who, like most teenagers, just wants what she wants. This matter should have never escalated to this point. This Inglesino guy is a jerk and I hope this all comes back to bite him in the ***.</p>
<p>I don’t think we know enough to draw the conclusion that Rachel is a spoiled brat. There hasn’t been any sort of trial; the case isn’t over. I’m NOT saying I think Rachel’s parents should be forced to give her carte blanche ; I am saying that maybe the parents are partially at fault here. </p>
<p>There are some red flags here. The parents separated ; we aren’t being told what caused the separation. I know that in one sense this is nobody else’s business, but it was certainly Rachel’s. According to the mother’s affidavit, she and Rachel’s father were living in the same house for much of the summer “but not as husband and wife.” Did Rachel leave what was in effect a war zone between her parents?</p>
<p>While Rachel’s voice mail to her mom was horrible–what if there was a kernel of truth in the part about mom focusing on Rachel’s issues rather than her own? There certainly are situations in which a parent who is upset with a spouse takes his/her anger out on the kids. We do know that school personnel were worried enough to contact social services. From what I’ve read, this was not based solely on Rachel’s allegations, but also on the interractions school personnel observed… Rachel told her parents that it was the school that reported them to social services. Is it so hard to believe that the parents reacted to this by refusing to pay tuition and thus trying to force Rachel’s withdrawal? Look, even if the allegations of abuse were flat out lies, I think the school acted reasonably in contacting social services and I don’t think the appropriate response to the report was to withdraw her from school. </p>
<p>Moreover, I sincerely doubt that if Rachel had withdrawn from her Catholic high school in December that she’d be able to graduate from high school in June. It’s rarely possible to enroll in exactly the same courses. Moreover, it’s common for Catholic high schools to have required religion courses for which public schools don’t give credit. Often, this leaves kids who transfer short of the necessary credits. </p>
<p>The boyfriend’s father has spoken to the press and denied that he and his wife were driving the kids to alcohol fueled parties and that he drove Rachel home drunk at 3:30 am. He says that Rachel’s father met his son for all of 5 minutes and decided he was “no good.” One thing he said that struck a chord with me is that Rachel’s father objects to every boy and always blames anything Rachel does wrong on any boy she is dating. Since it’s clear from the affidavits that this isn’t the first time Rachel’s parents have demanded that she stop seeing a certain boy, you do start to wonder… </p>
<p>I also find it incomprehensible that Rachel was left in charge of her two younger siblings while her parents took a 5 day trip to Chicago. I don’t say that it’s always inappropriate, but in this case it clearly was. </p>
<p>And Rachel didn’t leave home until the end of October. Were there no college discussions before she left? If so, could that be in part because her parents were separated when she left? </p>
<p>I’m bothered by her father’s response to Rachel’s email asking to come home. I think the right answer was “Of course, but you are going to have to abide by our rules.” It’s not, first you need to go to therapy of our choosing …and do all of these other things. (Yes, you can reasonably demand that when your kid moves back home he or she must see a therapist… That’s different than saying you must be in therapy with someone of our choosing before you can come home. ) That doesn’t sound like an unequivocal “Of course you can come home!” to me. </p>
<p>While you’re all dumping on the attorney, note that he is NOT representing Rachel. I’m not going to jump to any conclusions as to what motivated him. Note though that based on the timing, Rachel had nowhere to go. She’d already left home and was living with her boyfriend’s family. The Catholic school said she couldn’t do that. She asked to go home and dad threw up a bunch of stumbling blocks. It’s then that thaye lawyer and his wife took her in. </p>
<p>I think it’s sad the record in this wasn’t sealed. However, I think we should all withhold judgment until the hearing in April. I hope the family can work things out. I’m just trying to make the point that perhaps Rachel’s less than perfect behavior was at least in part the result of her parents’ marital difficulties. It IS hard to parent a teenager. Sometime when we are under stress for other reasons we have more difficulty parenting well.</p>
<p>Again, maybe Rachel IS a spoiled brat. I don’t know. I just don’t think we should jump to the conclusion that she is based on what we know thus far.</p>