<p>For a 60th anniversary party, is it OK to write “No gifts please.” At the back of the invitation, is it ok to provide info about a charity if the guests would like to make a tax-deductible donation in lieu of a gift?</p>
<p>The guests of honor want it but their kids are split on whether its even appropriate to mention gifts in any way. </p>
<p>The party will be a formal dinner at a nice restaurant with drinks for several hundred friends and relatives.</p>
<p>I would just leave it at no gifts please.</p>
<p>For “several hundred” guests I would put “in lieu of gifts the happy couple suggests a donation to XYZ charity”. Normally I would just put 'no gifts please" but too many people don’t follow that and they could still end up with several hundred gifts.</p>
<p>Etiquette says no, it’s not okay. But of course you can do whatever you want.</p>
<p>We have been invited to events like this and a charity has been named. I think that is fine (just call me
Emily Post). It is not like the couple is asking for a specific gift for themselves. </p>
<p>I went to a 60th birthday party and the invite said that they wanted toys as gifts that would be donated to_____. I have to say, it was lots of fun watching the birthday girl open those toys, knowing they were going to a good charity.</p>
<p>^what a great idea!!! I bet they got a lot of great toys too!!</p>
<p>Believe me, I shudder at the thought of ANYTHING that smacks of gift extraction, and I think that it is perfectly fine. In fact, I think it is a great idea. People who want to give something can do so, and people who don’t want to or can’t afford to can not do so and none the wiser. The honorees are spared having to deal with receiving lots of stuff that they don’t like/need and having to write a pile of thank you notes. It’s a win/win situation. :)</p>
<p>If the dinner were for an occasion that would normally NOT be a gift-giving one, then I would say no. But an anniversary, especially when celebrated in this way, is on the borderline.</p>
<p>When we had my in-laws 60th anniversary party, we included the wording “Best wishes only, please, but if you would like to make a contribution to mom and dad’s favorite charity to celebrate their anniversary, that would be wonderful” and then followed it with the contact info.</p>
<p>And of course, there were people who ignored the request and brought gifts anyway. All you can do is try!</p>
<p>Lots of people do it, but technically, putting any reference to gifts at all on an invitation is considered well meaning but wrong, because it implies an expectation that shouldn’t be there in the first place. Supposedly, a compromise is to share by word of mouth that there will be no exchange of gifts or to inform if someone asks if the guest of honor has a favorite charity. Another way to look at it is that giving a gift is always the perogative of the giver regardless of what is or isn’t on the invitation. I’ve been to many “no gift” functions where people bring gifts anyway.</p>
<p>[Miss</a> Manners: Enforcing a ‘No Gifts’ Policy at a Party - MSN Living](<a href=“http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/miss-manners-advice/miss-manners-enforcing-a-no-gifts-policy-at-a-party]Miss”>http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/miss-manners-advice/miss-manners-enforcing-a-no-gifts-policy-at-a-party)</p>
<p>I think it’s a lovely idea. Many people want to honor the occasion, but aren’t sure what you want and being clear about that would be, I think, a perfectly helpful and polite thing to do. There’s a difference between saying “we want this particular use of your money” and “we don’t need a gift, but if you had your heart set on doing something, here’s what we think” . Etiquette is what we make of it.</p>
<p>I have always heard that to write “no gifts” is considered extremely poor taste, as it implies gifts would have been expected otherwise.
I have read in Dear Abby( if that’s a fair guide) that someone else- a parent, a sibling, the offspring, of the honored could call, after the invite sent, and then request no gifts but mention they have a favorite charity.
Personally, I don’t see much difference in the 2 strategies, but that’s what Abby has suggested!</p>
<p>And this: "a nice restaurant with drinks for several hundred friends and relatives. " Seriously?</p>
<p>I went to a birthday party for an 80 year old and apparently everyone but me knew not to bring gifts. Being the only one to bring a gift is very embarrassing and the recipient was less than gracious. You should put something on the invite so people know they are not expected to bring gifts.</p>
<p>I attended a baby shower, where frankly the only focus seemed to be the gifts, 
but then the family added an engagement brunch the next day for younger d, indicating “no gifts” on this portion of the invitation. I still brought a nice wedding photo frame, thinking they would simply put it on the side with a quiet thanks. Nope, they had a huge, open the gifts portion of the casual engagement brunch, I really felt bad for the folks who honored the no gifts request and I thought it was really tacky and clearly the no gifts mention was just there because it seemed tacky to begin with to do two parties in one.</p>
<p>I think “no gifts” is useful–people want to know if they should bring a gift or not, and many of them won’t be reading an etiquette book to find out.</p>
<p>Naming a charity is a bit dicier for a party, I think. If you do, I suggest it be something that isn’t likely to be controversial to many of the guests–people won’t want to feel pressured into giving to a charity that they don’t support on principle.</p>
<p>I have been to parties that specified “no gifts,” but then been embarrassed because EVERYONE else seemed to have gotten the idea that the hosts really meant only cash except us, who really believed the “no gifts.” It was awkward. </p>
<p>Have also been to parties where the host was very ungracious about people who brought gifts anyway and made a scene insisting folks take their gifts back. </p>
<p>Seriously, the party will be for several hundred people–friends and relatives at a nice restaurant with drinks, younghoss. They have thrown similar parties when they respectively turned 70 and 80, so about 4 similar parties to date. They also hosted and help host similar banquets when each of their kids got married.</p>
<p>I wish I could remember the wording, but for the 50th in our family last year the kids managed to make it clear that our physical presence was the only gift anyone wanted.</p>
<p>S1 and DIL are having this discussion about whether to register for their wedding. Their concern is that not registering will imply “we want cash,” when in fact S & DIL (both with good jobs) are horrified at the prospect of their broke grad student friends giving them checks. </p>
<p>They are having a game table at their wedding, though, so the concept of “bring a game for charity” may have some appeal.</p>
<p>Similar to the toys party noted above, I went to a 75th birthday party and the guest of honor asked for new children’s books (the honoree was an author) and all the books were donated to a children’s center. It was something to see.</p>
<p>Thanks for the range of opinion. It’s interesting to see so many different takes on a subject. Will see what the guests of honor finally choose–believe they’re still leaning toward the “No gifts, please.” They also said they want to include a blurb about how people COULD donate to the honorees designated charity on the back page of the invitation. Since the honorees have a lot of kids, there are a LOT of opinions.</p>
<p>OK, latest feedback, write, “No gifts please” in the body of the invitation.</p>
<p>On the back, of the invitation, write,</p>
<p>“We are already so blessed.
In lieu of gifts, please consider donating to
xxxx charity by logging onto <a href=“http://www.xxxx.org%5B/url%5D”>www.xxxx.org</a>
or calling (808)xxx-xxxx or
donating to the charity of your choice.
Thank you!”</p>
<p>Any last thoughts?</p>