No Happy News at My Desk...

Parents Forum
1

<p>Flip side, or at least another version of the story we are all playing out. My D was waiting to hear from Harvard (deferred EA) and Columbia today. I am in the office, she is home, my H and S are home with her (home office, spring break).</p>

<p>I call home at 2pm, when emails are due. She isn’t even home - she and S are grocery shopping for a dinner they plan to cook for us tonight. I call her cell. She says she will be home in 5 minutes. 10 minutes later I get the call from H - so I know it isn’t good. If it were good she would call me herself. Waitlisted at Harvard. But I didn’t really have high hopes of that and it isn’t her first choice, so fine.</p>

<p>Then she has to go babysit! So she doesn’t even get the Columbia mail. I while away the time in work discussions, phone calls from Shanghai as that side of the world wakes up. I keep pinging cc just for something to do.</p>

<p>AT 3:15 I see my H’s number on my cell. Heart sinks again. Know what this means. </p>

<p>She’s waitlisted at Columbia too. I ask to talk to her - just to tell her that I see from the Columbia cc board that waitlisted kids are really high stats, so maybe they just thought she’d get into HYPS. She, the most talkative of souls, speaks in monotones. I ask her when I should come home for dinner. She says she doesn’t know. I say I will be home soon. </p>

<p>So I have to try not to cry at my desk, given that my office has this huge glass window looking out at other humans.</p>

<p>I’m natively optimistic, so I am sure that I’ll tell myself the good side of this story somehow. It’s also true that she hasn’t yet heard from Princeton or Stanford, and that she is accepted already to Berkeley. But at this moment it just makes me want to cry. She is such a stellar kid, she did all of this herself with no pushing from us at all, and I really thought Columbia would accept her. She is so disappointed, and is the type who doesn’t take comfort, so she doesn’t really even want to talk.</p>

<p>I will just go home and eat dinner and tell her I love her and it’ll be fine. But nothing I can do will ever erase this for her. My job will be to put it in context.</p>

<p>For those who will want to know, her stats are below.</p>

<p>SAT 1 1470 (740M730V)
SAT II 800,800, and 7 something
GPA: Never got anything but an A, highest grade possible, and has taken 7 APS
Rotary award for pre-calculus and calculus
Co-editor newspaper
Ballet dancer chosen for summer intensive at American Ballet Theater in New York - only 250 kids are taken each summer from auditions with hundreds of kids at 20 cities around the country
Lead in school plays
Head of dance club
Taught math to Hispanic kids from underprivileged schools</p>

<p>Essay: Orginal, about termites and protists
Recs: Academic dean of school said she was one of top 5 individuals she had met in 15 years of teaching</p>

<p>Hook? Went to a free school until high school which didn’t even give grades…</p>

<p>What do we do now? Other than wait for Princeton and Stanford.</p>

2

<p>I am sending you a cyberhug and wishes for good news from the other colleges. If Berkeley ends up being her only choice, however, it’s a terrific university.</p>

3

<p>Alumother-</p>

<p>I have champagne for you too!! Rather than a glass, you get a full bottle!</p>

<p>So sorry to hear about your D’s waitlistings. I agree with NSM about Berkeley! Luckily, your D already has a fantastic option available to her.
Still, I know it must be hard to get two waitlist letters in one day. Hugs to your D!!</p>

4

<p>Thanks Northstarmom. The cyberhug is appreciated. Just heard she received a Regents Scholarship at Berkeley so it eases the sting. This time she talked to me with the girl back in her voice.</p>

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<p>Congratulations on the Berkeley Regents Scholarship!</p>

6

<p>The hardest thing is aching for our kid. Fingers crossed for the remaining two responses.</p>

7

<p>Berkeley is awesome. I know people picking Berkeley over Stanford and other schools. And a Regents too. Congratulations. I think the title of your thread is ridiculous.</p>

8

<p>

I think you already know. You’ll be fine and so will she. She did her job well, concentrate on the successes. A lottery is a lottery. I wouldn’t attempt to minimize the negatives. When I try it, it always seems forced. Nothing wrong with a good hug and some silent sitting next to her for as long as she wants. This too will pass. Chin up.</p>

<p>One other thing, it works for D to workout or run or shoot buckets. Something fairly physical and relatively mindless. She could try it.</p>

9

<p>She’s in at BERKELEY? With a Regents scholarship??</p>

<p>If either you or your D are still feeling ‘down’ in some way, I think you need someone close to you to pick up a 2x4 and whack some sense into your head(s) :slight_smile: . Kidding aside - you should be celebrating!!!</p>

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<p>jmmom - thank you for the crossed fingers
momsdream - thank you for the champagne
dstark - yeah, well strong emotions generally have a ridiculous aspect viewed from a rational perspective. And to be precise, we had heard about the Berkeley acceptance previously, and the news about the Regents came in after I posted the title, so I was referring strictly to the Columbia/Harvard news.
curmudgeon - yes. basketball. I will send H and S out with her. sweating always puts her in a better mood
optimizerdad - and you are the math guy so I gracefully accept that 2x4 whack.</p>

<p>Alu</p>

11

<p>So she could freeze to death and never see a green living thing at Columbia, or be one of those myriad unsatisfied kids at Harvard, or spend four years, at very low cost at one of the best universities in one of the coolest locations on the planet, with enough money left over to sail around the world, go butterfly hunting in Costa Rica, buy a new car, and, maybe, graduate with no loans?</p>

<p>It stings, but if you add this all up for her, she’ll get over it awfully quick! Congratulations!</p>

12

<p>This situation sounds all too familiar to me because it happened to me less than a week ago. It does hurt, but at this point, nothing can be done except being happy about the schools that did accept her (In my case, I’m lucky enough to have Michigan there for me). Basically, all you can do is be a shoulder to cry on and then get her excited about the school that she will be attending next fall. Also, remind her that she did everything in her power to excel in high school and that she deserves to be recognized for that-even if the recognition isn’t coming from Harvard or Columbia.</p>

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<p>Alumother: Congratulations and condolences all in one!</p>

<p>It hurts to be rejected or waitlisted, so I really sympathize with your D and with you, but Berkeley with a Regents Scholarship is a wonderful opportunity. And the weather is better than in NYC or Boston. So give yourselves a little time to mourn that Columbia and Harvard did not have the sense to accept your wonderful D then focus on rejoicing in the bright future she has at Berkeley.</p>

14

<p>Your daughter is still the same wonderful and talented person whether or not she was accepted by one school or another. I know she is disappointed, as anyone would be, but this is not the end of the world for her. Based on what you have told us, she will flourish and excel wherever she goes to school, and she has been recognized with a very prestigious Berkeley scholarship. And don’t assume that Stanford and Princeton are lost causes until you hear from them - she still has a good chance of hearing good news from one of these.</p>

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<p>Alumother-</p>

<p>First of all, CONGRATS on the great news of Berkeley with money!!! As my kid would say, that rocks.</p>

<p>And as for the other, it isn’t really bad news. It just prolongs the a-g-o-n-y. Sometimes closure, yes or no, in or out, accepted or rejected, is easier than a “m-a-y-b-e… We’ll just string you along a little longer” Arrrgggghhhh. that would be like water torture.</p>

<p>But you still have two more FANTASTIC choices to hear from, and as a legacy at P’Ton, well… I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. I fully expect that your next thread will be one of those “which should she choose” threads. :)</p>

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<p>Alu–good luck with the remaining apps. I know how you feel. Last year I shrugged a couple of S’s rejections off, no biggie, but the Chicago waitlisting (which I thought was a rejection at first) really threw me. S took it in stride, but I was stunned. Some of these things just hit hard, for no logical reason. Because I just “knew” that Chicago would be too intense for him. But another part of me just knew that if ever there was a UChicago “type”, he was it, so how could they not see that? He was waitlisted at three schools and rejected at two, and that was the only one that really stung. And he did get into some great schools, so it was not like he was rejected everywhere. Anyway, he got in off the waitlist for Chicago and is there now. Somehow it morphed into his top choice during the process, and when he got in, that’s where he wanted to go. At that point, H and I, however, had fallen in love with Grinnell and it was really hard to let that go. Strange, illogical, wild, brutal emotional process, isn’t it?</p>

<p>But your amazing D does have Berkeley, and with a Regents! --that’s quite an achievement! Congrats! and good luck with Princeton/Stanford!</p>

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<p>Rats. Sorry to hear that news Aluminium. </p>

<p>Sending cyber telepathy from the South Pacific to thousands of Columbia acceptees:</p>

<p>“You DON’T want to go to Columbia…You DON’T want to go to Columbia.”</p>

<p>From someone who got off a waitlist in August back in the day…It can happen.</p>

18

<p>Alu,</p>

<p>Hang in there. Last year, within a 30 minute period, my d received 4 waitlists and 2 rejections. Fast forward to now. She told folks recently that she wonders now why she even bothered with some of her other apps. She was WL at Columbia. Recently visited a friend going there and found the kids quite unfriendly, so she’s happy she did not clear the wl. She has friends at Harvard who complain about everything. </p>

<p>I think you’ll find your kid moves on pretty quickly, especially with some parental support.</p>

<p>BTW, the toughest thing for my D last year was facing her peers who were less successful academically but still got into some elites she did not. I had told her from the beginning that the “best” don’t always win in this business. Athletes, legacies and URM edge is all too common.</p>

19

<p>Alumother,</p>

<p>Oh, honey, I am so sorry that your amazing, beautiful, and exceedingly talented daughter had to undergo these disappointments. I have no words of comfort to offer that can truly take away the sting, but I can see that she is the type of gal who fully realizes that her self-esteem and the success of her future endeavors is SO not dependent on being waitlisted at crapshoot elite schools with such an eenie meenie miney mo way of choosing among the most accomplished and determined students in this country. </p>

<p>I want to offer a GIANT congratulations on the Berkeley Regents Scholarship. Soon, when your daughter’s resilience takes over, she will be able to rejoice in this supreme accomplishment!</p>

<p>I’d give you both a humongous hug if you were here, and I send you all of my love and wishes for the most bright and successful future EVER!</p>

<p>much love, ~berurah</p>

20

<p>Hugs to you. I think what I hear is the hardest part is as a parent you don’t want to see your child have to endure disappointments and this is one of the few times you cannot control the outcome for her. So, I understand that you can’t bear seeing her disappointed. </p>

<p>Of course this next thing I am gonna say is a little late now, my philosophy with schools like Harvard and Columbia is to go into that kind of application process NOT expecting to be admitted and if you are, what a lovely surprise. The odds are just so difficult and very qualified kids like your daughter get turned away. As well, I believe she is not done yet and has a decent chance of getting Princeton or Stanford. I say this because she got the two waitlists from the two other Ivies. She IS a contender for schools in this league. Kids waitlisted are usually of the same caliber in terms of profile as those accepted. So, odds are that one of these four schools MAY work out. Of course there is still the crapshoot factor. It seems like she is in the ballpark for those schools and odds are that one might turn out to be an acceptance. </p>

<p>Does she have schools besides these four Ivies and Berkeley? Or should I say some match or safety schools? Berkeley, as others mentioned, is a huge accomplishment as well and the honors she received are quite commendable. The Ivies are unpredictable and I hope she has some others on her list. I still think one might work out. I also think if she just gets the waitlists, all is not over and she may want to pick her first choice among them and really go for it, letting the school know, sending updates, having her guidance counselor advocate, etc. Ya never know. </p>

<p>Hang in there. I feel that your daughter will have some good prospects, and in fact, already has one very fine university in her pocket. So, in the end, things will work out. I will assume she has some schools besides Ivy on her list. Rare is the kid who can get into many Ivies. Just one very good school is all she needs and she has one and let’s see what else happens. She sounds like a really really neat kid. She has some things in common with my daughter in terms of interests and strengths. </p>

<p>Let us know what turns out. I am glad she already has her normal sounding tone of voice back. I know my own kids did not dwell on a rejection more than minutes and I am thankful because I knew in the end, something good would turn out and that is all that matters. Your daughter will be happy in the fall some place and you just don’t know where yet. Sorry she has to endure disappointments but more sorry for you as a parent cause it is hard to have to see your child endure it but it will make her stronger. </p>

<p>fingers crossed on the rest of her letters…</p>