<p>“Guess what? It (“I’m not happy here”) just happened to college freshman #2 as well!
From your posts, you are an excellent parent. I’m guessing that your daughter is a chip off the old block, even more than you realize.”</p>
<p>Thank you so much for the kind words. What is your student going to do?</p>
<p>Zoosermom, there’s no “normal” except that it is very normal for young people to grow and change significantly at age 18 or so, so it is very often the case that the school that seemed absolutely perfect for the 17-year-old who sent the deposit turns out to be a poor fit for the 19-year-old who she inevitably becomes. My own d. is doing very well at her college, but told me that she seriously considered transferring her first year because her college is not a good fit socially – she ended up deciding that all of the “elite” colleges would present the same issues so she is sticking it out, but her fall back is that she has developed a strong circle of friends at her boy friend’s college (another campus, another city) so she has made it work in her own way. </p>
<p>Of course many kids do well at the colleges they initially choose to attend, but I think there are some stats around that show that transfers are pretty common. (maybe someone who knows them will chime in).</p>
<p>^I’ve seen varying numbers as to what percentage of college kids end up transferring colleges at some point in their college careers, but it’s usually somewhere in the 30-40% range.</p>
<p>We are in the same boat. After the first year in her chosed college, our D has decided to come home and go to a local CC for a year, earn her AA degree. After that she wants to go for a BFA at a private out of state school that we know nothing about. She was accepted there for next fall, and they say they will wait for her for a year. They are offering a small scholarship, but my H says no, she had her chance, and since she doesn’t want to stay at her college, she should live at home and get her degree at a local state U. I am ready to give her another (last) chance. We’re still talking about it, all we want is for her to get a degree and be employed, and when she is surrounded by friends who are content working minimum wage jobs and living at home, it’s an uphill battle!</p>
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<p>She is quite fortunate that if she decides to attend Hunter, Queens, Brooklyn or CSI that the CUNY education is not only more practical and affordable but the quality of the teacher education program especially at Hunter or Queens College is probably better than the ED program offered at many private schools (at the end of the day, you get paid the same salary no mater what undergraduate school you attend). Living in NYC if my daughter was an ED major, and was going to work in NYC after graduation the only schools that I think would be “worth” the $ over Hunter/ Queens would probably be Barnard /Columbia/NYU.</p>
<p>As far as the masters and the 30+ she will be doing this in the afternoon, evening while working as a teacher in the daytime (while the amount of money you make will still be the same no matter what grad program you attend, there are some grad programs that are head and shoulders above other ones. This will come in to play depending on where ZM may end up teaching.</p>
<p>D attended elementary school where where most of the teachers/ administrators were Bank Street educated, as their philosophy really matched up with the school’s philosphy. At her middle/high school if found that many of the teachers had grad degrees from either Teachers College or NYU).</p>
<p>As I stated in my other post there are going to be some pros for her attending locally, at least when she graduates from CUNY they will help navigate the certification and licensing process for her instead of her trying to get out of state reciprocity (it took my neice almost 2 months to get paid and get her paperwork straightened out for the DOE even though she was certified from another state).</p>
<p>At the end of the day, take pride in the fact that your daughter wanted to do what she believes was best for her. You can always take the $$ saved on the private OOS school and use it toward getting her a small car to take her back and forth to school :).</p>
<p>D #2’s boyfriend is also going the CUNY- (Queens College ) route for education. After starting at Baruch thinking he’d be a business major and then transferring out as he realized business wasn’t for him, he has decided to get a degree in education at Queens college.<br>
I’m beginning to think that kids interested in education may really be better off going to school in the state that they plan to teach in. There really are benefits including student teaching in an area that they may want to eventually teach in- getting to know administrators- networking etc.
Boyfriend also considered some SUNY colleges too but decided to stay closer to home as he works part-time on Long Island.<br>
It is my understanding that at d’s school- Cortland, kids can do their semester student teaching on Long Island or NYC as Cortland has their “own” people in place at these schools which allows Cortland kids to student teach downstate. In comparison, my neice who is an Education major at UCONN
(5 year program with obtaining masters) can only student teach in Connecticut- and her goal is to get a job in metro NY area. I have wondered if it really did make sense for her to go to UCONN instead of a SUNY- where she could have student taught on LI, gotten to know people–find out about possible jobs etc.<br>
When my district bulletin comes out and the new teacher hires are listed, it seems that most new hires are graduates of SUNY or local schools like Adelphi or Hofstra. It is just something that I have always noticed.
Neither one of my kids was an education major, so I don’t know the details of being an education major- but I do know that one needs to meet all requirements of the State Department of Education, and there may be less bureacratic red tape, as Sybbie mentioned above, if one gets the degree from the state where they plan to teach.<br>
Good luck ZS’s mom- In the long run, it looks like your d is making the right decision.</p>
<p>“At the end of the day, take pride in the fact that your daughter wanted to do what she believes was best for her. You can always take the $$ saved on the private OOS school and use it toward getting her a small car to take her back and forth to school”</p>
<p>You’re exactly right, as usual, and the certification part was a big draw for her. She also theorizes that student teaching where she plans to live will allow her to gain valuable information. The CUNYs do a great job with teaching and nursing and I think ZG will ge a great teacher someday. She just wants to do it as soon as possible!</p>
<p>ZG–take it from one who’s been there–you want them to figure out the right path early, not the middle of senior year of college…I’ve had to do some major attitude-adjusting these past few months, and have also had to continually remind myself that it’s not about me.</p>
<p>Sounds like ZGgirl will be just fine.</p>
<p>As we prepare to launch D1 this fall, I find myself stressing to her that changing her mind or wanting to transfer, if she should find herself in that boat, would be nothing to be ashamed of – not a “failure” of any kind. Reading this thread reminds me that deep down I better really, really believe that myself since I’m pretty sure I would share many of zoosermom’s ambivalent feelings if D does decide for whatever reason that her college is not for her. Thanks for reminding us all that change does happen and can be navigated in a positive way by all involved. Good luck to you and to ZG!</p>
<p>There are huge advantages to student teaching in the place where you might want to work. A friend of mine got hired by the school principal (in a nearby suburb) where she had done her student teaching after a few years of hard time in a very difficult school in the Bronx. She hated leaving her kids in the Bronx, but she’s under a lot less stress now. Those suburban jobs can be quite hard to get.</p>
<p>Zoosermom:</p>
<p>I second Sybbie. She’s had a taste of college life and has decided that it was not worth the extra expenditure. ZG will get a great education and will get the experience she craves while saving you a ton of money. Think of it as a win-win situation.</p>
<p>Z-Mom,</p>
<p>I know this has been a tough decision for ZG & you. I also know she arrived at her decision after gathering a lot of input and thoughtful discussion - not in the midst of an emotional hissy fit. As many have said, she will get great preparation to be a teacher and honestly, the pay will be based on years of experience and degree - not where she received her degree. She will be far better off financially than most young professionals. </p>
<p>That being said, don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling a little disappointed. You are allowed to privately mourn the loss of your dream for her. We all have dreams for our kids and when they don’t happen - for whatever reason - there is just a little emptiness. I know you are a great mom and as soon as you see your daughter’s happiness with her new choice the satisfaction you feel will replace the feelings you now have. </p>
<p>J</p>
<p>Z- I agree with WorkNProgress. Even good decisions carry some baggage which can make us sad.</p>
<p>My suggestion for you is that you not look at every stage in her life as some irrevocable bridge she has crossed. I used to find myself seeing every twist and turn of my kids late adolescent period as being hugely meaningful. What one finds of course is that this is how kids separate from their parents, make independent decisions, change their minds, and then learn from their mistakes.</p>
<p>I was sad when my son decided to get a job and not go to grad school. So he’s been financially independent for two years and is now going back to grad school in the Fall. I guess I’m sad about him giving up such a great job? I was scared he’d never get an advanced degree if he didn’t apply to grad school right out of undergrad and now I’m worried that he’ll be in school for so long he’ll forget how much he loved working and being independent? I mean, what’s wrong with me???</p>
<p>It is natural for us to worry about the decisions our kids make, but I think your daughter’s reasoning is sound. If she starts her classes in the Fall and decides she’s made a mistake, she’ll have ample opportunity to correct it and move on. One practical suggestion you can make though… suggest that she take a leave from her college, and not withdraw. It is much easier to go back down the road if she decides she wants to, than to have to re-apply as a transfer!!!</p>
<p>Zoosermom, it sounds like your daughter has thought this through and that more than anything else will contribute to her success. I see a lot of students experiencing college passively and I feel the ones who take a more active role will not only enjoy their experience more but display the qualities that will make her stand out later in life. I wish her luck!</p>
<p>She will have a taste of college life, just a more typical one. The median age of an undergraduate student in the U.S. is 24.5 years old. She will meet plenty of folks that age and older. She will be in a much more diverse environment, and have all the resources of NYC at her fingertips! Manhattan will be her campus! Folks from Missouri pay $55k a year to to NYU for that experience, and she’ll have it at a fraction of that cost. (When I was in high school in “the City”, NYU was for the few students who couldn’t get into CUNY or Hunter but who had money.)</p>
<p>Maybe now you can dream bigger. Fluffier! :)</p>
<p>What kind, generous, insightful people you are. Thank you with all my heart.</p>
<p>Zoosermom:
Sounds like you’ve raised a very level-headed, sensible young lady who is mature beyond her years. If you want to reward her, think about buying her a round-trip air ticket to Hawaii for a surprise vacation trip. Or to some city in Europe, if she would like that better. She can go through the whole student hostel, living-out-of-a-backpack experience. Our D1 did, and loved it.</p>