<p>ZG has, after careful deliberation, the creation of multiple pro/con lists and about a half dozen spreadsheets, decided not to return to her college. She has chosen, instead, to take as many classes as possible at the local CUNY, including both sumer semesters, in order to get through to her master’s plus 30 credits as quickly and economically as possible. I completely respect and understand her decision and recognize that it makes sense from the perspective of this being the most practical and to-the-point person I’ve ever met, but I am disappointed. The CUNY degree is practical and economical, but I wanted her to have the whole college experience, maybe step out of practical life for four years. I don’t know. There’s no reason for me to be so upset but I really am. Maybe just writing this would help me to articulate the why of that. But, as I said, it’s not all about me and this grown-up person gets to decide.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, you DID provide her with the “whole college experience” and it’s obviously not that important to her. She’s making the choice & I bet she thrives. Good luck to you all.</p>
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<p>You’re absolutely right. Her position is that she’s got so many years of school ahead of her that it doesn’t make sense to pay $40,000 per year when it can be done for $4000. I’m looking for a cyber-slap in the head.</p>
<p>She has had a taste of the whole college experience. I don’t see a problem with her decision. It sounds well thought out, and mature. Best of luck to her.</p>
<p>She’s not the first to outgrow college before the four years is up. Good job sharing this with us instead of her :)</p>
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<p>Has someone ever said exactly the right thing to you? This is it ^^ and I needed to hear it very much. ZG’s plan is to work as a manager in the store she’s been working at for a couple of years, save buckets of money and buy a nice condo upon graduation because she thinks the real estate market will have stabilized by then. This statement is completely representative of her personality.</p>
<p>I’m a fan of pratical/rational thinking (despite my hobby of creative writing :)), and I applaud your D’s well-thought out choice, especially because it sounds like she put a LOT of thought into it. She sounds like a bright, mature girl!</p>
<p>I whole-heartedly agree with riverrunner. ZG has a great head on her shoulders. Nicely done, zoosermom!</p>
<p>Congratulations to your daughter!</p>
<p>I’m in the been-there, done-that camp – my son left a pricey private college, went to work, returned to a CSU & graduated a few weeks ago, and pretty much got the exact job he would have wished for within 2 weeks of graduating. (What he wants to do, room to learn and grow, good salary, great benefits). So obviously, in hindsight, leaving the private college was the right choice. </p>
<p>It’s probably hard for you to see what a great decision your daughter has made because you are hanging on to the “dream” that went along with whatever prestige the name of the private college on the degree would offer. Your d. was living the reality at the school, and she recognized that in her case she was not getting the value she was paying for, and that her college was not the best path to meet her personal goals. So she’s fashioned a better plan for herself. </p>
<p>Keep in mind that she might have been very unhappy or dissatisfied with the “college life” that you wish she could still enjoy. (Your “first year blues” thread doesn’t exactly paint all that rosy of a picture). So aside from the practicalities, she may have been dreading going back to her original college and all the baggage that she carries from her less-than-perfect first year, and now is able to confidently look forward to a plan that seems to better fit her goals and also be far more manageable in her eyes.</p>
<p>ZM, did she just finish her freshman year? Or later?</p>
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<p>She just finished her first year, which Calmom rightly pointed out was not a great one. She’s still taking heavy-duty medications from her hideous bout with mono and complications. She had some bad advising and failed to be as pro-active as she should have been and ended up with a less-than-stellar GPA, although I wonder if part of that was related to feeling that she wasn’t on the best path to get where she wanted. I guess she had to figure that out for herself, though, right?</p>
<p>I guess I wouldn’t want her to rationalize this very logical plan while trying to hide some anxiety or fears about going back. If it’s truly a good idea for her, so be it – but might she be retreating from the world by doing so?</p>
<p>If you really wanted to push her to go back, you could tell her to go back for one more year – and then, if at the end of soph year she still wants to go to CUNY, you’d be all in favor.</p>
<p>VeryHappy, I disagree. One of the things that my son was not happy about was that he could not graduate from his CSU “with honors”, despite the fact that he had almost straight A’s there, because it was mathematically impossible to bring up his GPA to a 3.5 in only 3 semesters. (He ended up with something frustratingly close to the cutoff, like a 3.49) I kept telling him it didn’t matter, but I can tell it bugged him. </p>
<p>So one more year at a college where the student is not happy and/or not doing particularly well academically can end up making the situation worse rather than better. It’s a lot easier to recover from one year of mediocre grades than from 2 successive years – in fact, if ZG does very well at the CUNY and then starts to feel under-challenged, she may be then have a much stronger GPA that will support a junior year transfer to a college that better meets her needs. I honestly don’t see how enrolling in the CUNY courses can possibly hurt. The only thing to explore at all would be whether ZG can take a leave of absence rather than formally withdrawing from college #1, to hold that door open if she changes her mind in a year. (That’s what my son did, but at the end of the year it was very clear that he needed to continue to go forward, not back). </p>
<p>It’s great at an elite school when the student is doing well – my d. is on Dean’s list at her college and I’ve got a niece who graduated magna cum laude from Harvard – but the A’s on my son’s CSU transcript look a lot better than the C’s & D’s in some of his classes from his first college. Zoosergirl’s plan includes working for a Master’s degree, and her GPA might make a big difference. Since she was ill, it’s hard to know why she didn’t do as well as she had hoped her first year – but she’s probably the best judge of what is best for her going forward.</p>
<p>If ZM had written that her d. was despondent or seemed to be drifting, I might agree with you – but this is a kid who has spent time charting out everything on spread sheets and come up with a plan that even involves attending summer sessions, so I don’t think it’s a matter of fear or giving up. I’ll bet she’s even mapped out the courses she wants to take. I think that the kid has just realized that college “plan b” is a better match for her current goals and aspirations.</p>
<p>She found out at the very end of the year that she can’t do her major with certification in four years. Had nothing to do with her GPA, which wasn’t terrible and still was well above what was required for her scholarship. It had to do with the fact that this major was small/new and no one had tried to get the certification with it before. They only give some of the required classes every other year, so it would have conflicted with student teaching. Also, of her group of friends, a total of six have either left the school or chosen to live off campus and commute, so the whole experience would be different next year.</p>
<p>" but I wanted her to have the whole college experience, maybe step out of practical life for four years. I don’t know. There’s no reason for me to be so upset but I really am."</p>
<p>If you didn’t have the whole college experience, but wanted it, maybe you were trying to give her something that was very important to you, but didn’t matter that much to her. If that’s it, perhaps there’s a way to give yourself some of the whole college experience that you missed. For instance, maybe you could find a way to attend some workshops in subjects that interest you. Some such things are done on college campuses such as through elderhostel or similar programs. I know, for instance, U of Iowa has a writer’s workshop that’s on its campus during summers, and is open to people of all ages.</p>
<p>I really loved my four years as an undergraduate and I hope my daughter (heading off to school in the fall) can have a similar experience… She is already committed to spending a year abroad though, so by that plan alone, she will have a different experience than the one I had… This change in plans must be a challenge for zooser mom and zooser daughter.</p>
<p>Calmom, I’m just offering a different perspective. I know sometimes I’m afraid of something so I rationalize why I shouldn’t do it. Zoosermom, you know your daughter best.</p>
<p>zoosermom, I was happy when my first reached 18 and embarked at a college that seemed like the end of the rainbow. I’ve since found out, of course, that being a parent and worrying will never end until one of us (please make it me-I couldn’t handle it otherwise) dies.
Guess what? It (“I’m not happy here”) just happened to college freshman #2 as well!
From your posts, you are an excellent parent. I’m guessing that your daughter is a chip off the old block, even more than you realize.</p>
<p>zoosermom, Your daughter sounds wise beyond her years to make such a mature decision. Instead of a cyberslap, will a congratulations to you and a good luck to her suffice? :)</p>
<p>Thank you all so much. It’s so appreciated that others with college kids take the time to offer perspective and so much of it is spot on. She is a great kid, always been practical. Veryhappy, your comment was very insightful. I suspect that there is an element of fear of going back because so much went so wrong.<br>
It is also true that my failure to attend college plays a big role in my expectation for her. It also makes it hard for me to know what’s normal and what isn’t. Which is where all of you come in!</p>