<p>D2’s good friend - accepted to several great schools - unfortuantely financial packages were disappointing. He toyed briefly with the idea of a gap year - get a job or two- make some money then go to school. But the writing is on the wall that it was never going to be enough. This kid has little family support. He’s 18y, single parent Mom with health issues, long absent Dad. FRIEND decided to enlist in the ARMY. He leaves in 6 days. The Navy didn’t want him right away, their signing bonus wasn’t much. The ARMY or the other hand has promised him education, money in the bank, 3 meals a day, health insurance -all for the small promise of his body and soul and spirit for 5 years (+ 3 y in the reserves). This is a kid who just wants to take care of his Mom and get an education. I can’t decide if this is an amazing act of love or desperation. How do you say goodbye? My daughter is frightened and confused for her friend. Their peers are excited to plan for roommates, dorm shopping, academic challenges. She knows by Thanksgiving FRIEND could be fighting for his life in a foxhole. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
D2 gave him a journal, stamped postcards and a space pen, also a phone card. I know it’s going to kill his Mom when she can’t call him on his cell phone and he’ll be at at buddy’s house studying physics or playing poker.
How do you say goodbye?</p>
<p>With much love and many prayers.</p>
<p>With love and encouragement. My brother did this in 1974 after failing his first quarter at State U. He stayed in the Army for 6 years, taking CC classes along the way, and left with his GI bill to get his degree then master’s degree in computer science. This could be your d’s friend’s real chance for independence and growth. I wish him the best of luck and prayers to stay safe.</p>
<p>Crababylady: both my stepsons are in the navy and it has been a wonderful choice for them. They both didn’t do well in high school and yet are doing very well in the military, and both want to go on to college. Your friend may do very well in the military since he is obviously more of a student than our sons. I know the army is much more dangerous, however. </p>
<p>My dad went to war in WWII when he was 18 years old. He commented on that a few times when my nephew was acting like an idiot at the same age. It isn’t the best choice for young men, but it does make them mature. </p>
<p>You and your daughter could write to him every week–they all love to get letters. That would be something concrete you could do, in addition to prayers.</p>
<p>You say good-bye with support for his decision. It is an honorable choice. He’ll learn and grow in tremendous ways.</p>
<p>Have all of his friends send letters regularly. Basic training is a tough time. Don’t forget about him after Basic. Keep those cards and letters coming. Find out what he needs - phone cards, beef jerky, baby wipes, etc. and send packages. Keep letting him know that you’re proud of him and thank him for his service.</p>
<p>I have always believed that financial reasons are bad reasons to join the military. So this kid can afford a cell phone but not community college?</p>
<p>You could say congratulations, and “thank you.”</p>
<p>I also think financial reasons are bad idea to join miltary
One of my daughters best friends in high school joined the Marines after working for two years in Micronesia teaching school.( he volunteered to go to Iraq after being stuck for a few months as a recruiter)
He extensively researched his decision with the help of his parents- who marched against the war in Vietnam.</p>
<p>There also ways to stay in communication with them- without cell phones
after all this is 2006- everyone has a blog- even in Iraq
feed://feeds.feedburner.com/Patriotvoices-InTheirOwnWords</p>
<p>In '76 a friend of mine did the same - put his time in the Army, then got an education, ended up finishing Stanford law school - all the time helping to support his mother. On the other hand, in '76 he wasn’t going to be shipped off to Iraq. This is a heartbreaking scenario. </p>
<p>I also have a hard time believing that enlistment was his only option. But to the person who mentioned junior/community college: unlike in California, in many states cc is not that affordable an option. Where I live, junior colleges are nearly the same price as the state u.</p>
<p>There was a good op/ed I read this morning that addressed this very issue, of who are the young people enlisting…and why.</p>
<p>If there’s no convincing him otherwise, I’d pray for his safe return and wish him well.</p>
<p>I’m somewhat superstitious, so I rarely say “good-bye,” but I do say “au revoir” a lot.</p>
<p>Support and letters matter a lot. Write letters, send stuff, send love and all that. </p>
<p>A close friend of my son’s was faced with the same decision five years ago and has recently finished his committment to the Marines, having served 2 years in Iraq and about the same in Korea. He is now going to UWashington. He’s far more mature than the rest of the group of friends now. I’ve always liked him (he was my student when in tenth grade) but he’s now an adult in all ways. I appreciate his friendship with my son (who is four years younger) even more.</p>
<p>Well, you can’t assume he will end up in a foxhole.The millitary is a large complex machine with many places in the world he may be sent like Bosnia or Korea too. And I have to say the recruiters do a very good job. Good luck to him!</p>
<p>Say “Good luck” and “Thank you” Even my most liberal friends, who are among my most thoughtful, say thank you to my son for serving. They actually say it more than my conservative friends.</p>
<p>They seem to get that we sleep safe at night because folks like your friend are willing to protect the rest of us. While often my conservative friends take that for granted.</p>
<p>Wish him well. Write to him so he won’t feel forgotten. Tell him you’ll be in the front row when he receives his university diploma.</p>
<p>Crabbylady, you sound so sad that I just wanted to add a little food for thought. Firstly, I wish the guy the very very best. What a tough situation. If what he truly wants is an education & since he’s in the Army now, why not suggest to him that he apply to West Point or any of the service academies? There are five that he can apply to and the applications are just beginning for the upcoming year. I’m not recruiting or anything I swear. Just a Mom who has a 19 year old at a service academy. He’s just finished his first year. It really is an awesome education and since this is the path your dd’s friend decided to go down, it is another option open to him. Just thought I’d throw it out there in case he’s never thought of it. Good luck to him!</p>
<p>And with a year of prior service, he will have additional nomination options available to him. Cadets with prior service are immediate go-to people for their classmates and are highly respected within the Corps.</p>
<p>Well, if he’s not deterred (understandably), then do not question his decision, show lack of support, or do anything to undermine him. Tough enough as is, and he’ll have to grow up fast anyway. </p>
<p>So you say good-bye, au revoir, tell him that you’re praying for him, thank him, and congratulate him on his maturity. Also let him know that you think the world of him for making such a tough decision and that you cannot wait until you see him graduate from college, whenever that may be. Let him know that you are as proud of him - even more proud of him - than you are of the kids going to the good schools who can be kids and have their parents take care of them.</p>
<p>Food for thought: there are more gun deaths in D.C. every year than soldier deaths in Iraq. As a Washingtonian, I don’t find that comforting (and my parents sure as hell aren’t thrilled that I chose to spend my summer here, not in my rural town!), but you should.</p>
<p>Finally - yes, while it is more likely that a young person will die in Iraq than in a normal situation, you do not know when you are going to lose someone. I lost a student a few months ago - “good-bye” was a joke from me, a high-five from him, and a “See you next week.”</p>
<p>Another point from my BIL, now deployed overseas with the army. Probably doesn’t apply to this young man, because it seems he has serious financial considerations if he could not take the Navy offer because of time and signing bonus, BUT - BIL recommends ROTC for bright young people contemplating military service to pay for college. Just a thought for other young people reading this thread.</p>
<p>Again love and prayers - and we are all grateful for him and proud of him!</p>
<p>Be happy for him. There are lots of upsides to military service. I joined at 17 in 1976 and used the GI Bill to pay for college and grad school. While I was extremely fortunate in not having to fight a war (and wouldn’t have been on the front lines as a female back then anyway), my military experience was one of the happiest four years of my life. Of course, going to language school in Monterey, California for a year followed by three years on the island of Crete isn’t bad duty for anyone. Nevertheless, my brother just retired from 20+ years, including combat duty in Iraq, Panama, and Bosnia, and he loved every minute of his career until he got to the politics of the Pentagon. He joined after college when he couldn’t find a job and saw how much fun I was having.</p>
<p>Son’s very dear friend leaves this week for West Point. Son also received an appointment and he agonized over his decision to accept or decline until the very last possible time. Princeton was his very last acceptance to come in, while West Point was his first. He agonized and agonized. It was only until he spoke with his West Point liason for quite some time that he was able to make a decision and feel good about it.</p>
<p>Son also received ROTC scholarships that would have covered his tuition at MIT and Princeton. He realized he can still serve his country as a military officer without necessarily attending one of the service academies. And in his specific case he was advised it would serve all those interested to pursue his academics elsewhere, specifically Princeton, MIT or Caltech. So he is.</p>
<p>However, I know his heart is heavy this week sending his buddy off to the Point, they had talked of going together for quite some time. At senior awards night son made sure his pal received a standing ovation. I know his mother was sobbing in the audience. And honestly I was too scared to even imagine being in her shoes.</p>
<p>My fear is only overshadowed by how honored and proud I am to call this young man my friend. And I know my son feels even more strongly about it than I.</p>
<p>My advice is to echo other posters, send letters, care packages and wish him well. No sadness is needed, only pride and love. </p>
<p>We did purchase a special scrapbook at Michael’s that is leather and has the Department of the Army seal on the front. His mother has put a copy of his acceptance letter on the front page. It might be a thoughtful gift for him and his family.</p>
<p>Our family’s prayers are with your D’s friend crabbylady.</p>
<p>Kat</p>