No More FB from the Mean Mom

<p>S had concussion Sept 24 (same date as Austin Trenum, VA FB player who later committed suicide). S is not depressed; its his 1st concussion, but my late father was a neurosurgeon who repeatedly advised all 5 children "don't play football." We are only learning now about the long term effects of mild concussions on the developing brain. S is 14. I don't want him to play FB anymore. This sport has a higher incidence of head (and spinal chord) injuries. To me, purely statistically, FB presents an unacceptable risk. I am not judging those of you who have allowed their sons to continue to play FB once they've received their 1st, 2nd or 3rd concussion; it just doesn't feel right to me. And I am his mom. Question is: S (of course) wants to play. H is unwilling to lay down the law (long story) and pushes the bad stuff on to me (and I'm the breadwinner -- I know -- yuck all over). I (Mean Mom) am stuck in the middle. I'm pushing crew (he has awesome wingspan) with no takers. Any tips?</p>

<p>I understand your concerns and my statement may be blowing it out of proportion, but lets look at this...</p>

<p>sure, playing football increases your sons risk for getting hurt.
but so can getting into a car or just going out in public.</p>

<p>I mean, hell, my ALS stricken father went into a hospital to have a stomach ulcer removed and he left in a body bag for which we are now in a lawsuit over.</p>

<p>My S was/is very athletic. I always hoped he would never want to play football or hockey for the reasons you wrote about. I got lucky. Is there another sport besides crew that's popular in yor area? Mine did baseball and soccer.</p>

<p>BTW, I first thought FB meant Facebook.</p>

<p>I thought you were eliminating Facebook at first. Now that one would be difficult! Honestly, I have never allowed my sons to play footb</p>

<p>I tell my son what my parents told me, "It's not my job to make you like me, it's my job to make the best decisions I can on your behalf until you are legally responsible for yourself."</p>

<p>I would tell my son that I believe it would be irresponsible to allow him to continue in a sport where another concussion is likely. Sure he'd be mad but so what? If he got another concussion and this one did badly damage him, even if the damage showed up years later what will you tell him? "I knew this was risky but I didn't want you to be mad at me." </p>

<p>Sometimes being a mom is not fun. In fact, it can kind of suck.</p>

<p>FB? Until I read your post, I thought you meant Facebook! As for football -- not my favorite sport, either. S played for a few years in middle school but changed sports in HS -- much to my relief.</p>

<p>Count me in as another mom who nixed FB...and my H went to college on a football scholarship. S did fine in HS playing in the band after he dropped baseball and basketball. Today, he is a happy camper in his college band. I was not popular with H's family who are all about sports.</p>

<p>Funny you should mention crew, OP. I was suggesting that my D try it out.</p>

<p>I don't envy you, but I agree. I'm sure if I had a boy I'd feel just the same and I'm not sure I'd have the guts to stick to my guns. Of course there's always a chance of getting hurt, even if you're sitting in a field smelling flowers....so why undertake a sport where the risks are so very much higher? Too many concussions happen in FB every year, and kids are too young to understand the risks they're taking. And half the country is obsessed with sports, so you're going against the whole culture. Good luck!</p>

<p>Well, if it is any comfort to you, here is another mean mean mean mom who did not let S2 to even sign up for football this year (by the way I thought it was facebook when I saw the post) - he is 14 and he was in a 'no talking' state for weeks but eventually got over it...</p>

<p>We told our sons no football until HS. Our oldest didn't care, but our younger one wanted to play. There is an ex-pro-baseball player who comes into my store. He also played football thru HS then chose baseball. He told my son that it is not worth it to play football before HS because 1.no one starts growing until high school anyway; 2. the kids who are really good when they are young are not necessarily any good by high school; 3. coaches and parents who say starting in HS is too late don't know what they are talking about; 4. it is not worth the risk to his growing brain. We were the "mean" parents, but our son did listen to this stranger. Then when we finally said he could try it, our son said he was not willing to give up soccer. I guess it all works out.</p>

<p>how about rugby?
my 5'8" 125lb D played rugby in high school and she liked it as much or more than soccer cause you play more positions.
You also dont lead with your head like in american football
rugby is a high contact sport but football is high collision sport.</p>

<p>Has he ever rowed before?
If not, can he join crew practice a few times and see how he likes it?</p>

<p>Ha! I thought FB meant Facebook too but I read some threads on this site and they were all talking about the game and sacks and touchdowns so I thought I'd get with the program! I hope my son is the kind who makes the change on his own. Thanks for your post -- I feel better.</p>

<p>God bless you Kate! I have been thinking the same thing -- what if I let him play? He loves it so much; he throws the ball like a spear (he's QB). But then I start worrying if he has another hit to his head, and the symptoms are worse -- memory loss, change of personality -- I would feel sick, knowing that I let all this happen and it could have been avoided. You're right -- being a mom is not a personality contest. What am I worried about -- getting fired? Keeping him safe is Job #1. Who cares if he hates me? (OK -- I do, but I'll get over it.)</p>

<p>Hey Kity -- great idea! I didn't know they played rugby here! In fact, S wanted to see a game when we were planning a trip to England (later canceled; saving $ for college -- D is a senior) but his interest remains. I'll see if they have it in our area. Thanks!</p>

<p>Class of 15, </p>

<p>Fortunately, neither of mine wanted to play, but they may have been because I told them from the time they were toddlers--no FB. S1 did soccer, swimming & tae kwon do, but not seriously. S2 did a little swimming and not much else athletic wise. </p>

<p>More power to all of you who made this decision. I know it can't be easy, but as you said, you can't be fired.</p>

<p>plus many colleges have rugby teams-
It might fill the need of running and slamming into someone without the head injury
USA</a> Rugby</p>

<p>With several concussions? I don't blame your opinion one bit. Understand it completely. My son played football from grade 4 thru the first month of college (and then, well.. was tired of getting hit every afternoon when college was an overwhelming adjustment on its own). Anyway. he never had a concussion or a broken bone, but he throughout HS he was icing his joints and visiting chiropractors every post game day.. sometimes two and three times a week. He never missed a game, started for three years and had a helluva good time, but he never had a concussion. We did however have his helmet specially padded and fit from the time he started to play. Yes, it cost us extra over time but we figured he was probably more likely to become a lawyer vs a Pro football player so it was wise to protect his most valuable asset. So I get what you're saying completely.</p>

<p>Be careful about rugby--there are plenty of hard hits, pile ups and scrums, with little protective gear.</p>

<p>I'd be too frightened to allow football after reading the recent article in the New York Times magazine about concussions. The findings of that UPenn football player's autopsy were shocking- he had similar brain damage to that of a 40 yr old NFL player.</p>

<p>I am a nerdy scientist type. If my husband were also a nerdy scientist, I may have been successful with a "no football" rule, but my husband is not much for health statistics and loved playing h.s. football - and my son played in middle school. Then I lucked out - in Ohio, high school boys' golf is a fall sport, and my son generally prefers golf to football.</p>

<p>Just the thought of what a second concussion can do unnerves me. Thinking of you. It is so hard to go against the mainstream.</p>