@atomom This was originally started by HIS MOM. I’m pretty sure she knows what her kid likes.
@atomom - I also think it is a huge jump from a dozen or even a couple dozen familiar people to a party with hundreds or thousands of strangers, and quite frankly when I read all this I could not help but think of how painful this situation would have been for any ASD 13 year old I have ever known, as well as for many with no diagnostic history at all. I am ready to give the mother the benefit of the doubt and conclude that she was taken by surprise when this morphed into a whole big thing on the Internet, and handled everything on the fly with relief that her S did not become publicly distressed by the attention.
Fwiw, I have attended birthday parties for ASD kids where most of the guests were friends of the parents, and assumed that there was this kind of a party because the child wanted it.In fact, I know a couple who did want the party very badly and were focused on all the traditional trappings from balloons to cake.
I have also wondered about re-scheduling.
I’m not sure how I feel about any of this, either.
I particularly liked my parents style. I went through elementary school with a girl whose challenges we all saw, but I don’t know what her diagnosis was. Perhaps autism. She was also epileptic, and had to be always with an adult who knew what to do during her frequent seizures. That meant her mom or teacher. When I had a party, the rule was always that either every kid in the class or every girl in the class had to be invited, and that meant this girl’s mom or our teacher would have to attend also. Of course, she did not want her mom there (that would be embarrassing), so the teacher would have to come. My parents said I was not allowed to tell ANYONE why the teacher was invited. So I could go with the rules or not have a party. Over the years I had many birthday and Halloween and holiday parties. And no one loved a party more than that little girl! I think other kids invited her but I don’t remember her ever attending other parties (perhaps because the parents hadn’t worked out the issue with the teacher attending). (FWIW, I had 2 disabled siblings, so my parents “got it”).
Barfly, your parents sound like wonderful people.
If I recall correctly, I think I coordinated all party invites (by email) with other parents. If someone didn’t answer, I’d tell my kid to ask the other kid. It was rare that someone would not show, as these were fun events. I don’t think we asked entire classes, except when the kids were little. It would have been too expensive, so they just asked friends, people that they knew would want to come. Something like this made public would have been humiliating for the kid, and we would never do that.
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how painful this situation would have been for any ASD 13 year old I have ever known,
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While this is probably true, it’s not hard to imagine that ASD has been WAY OVER diagnosed, so if this boy didn’t mind all the attention and hoopla, it’s entirely possible that he doesn’t have ASD at all…or he has a mild form.
It’s easier for some to say, “my child is on the spectrum” (so no one’s fault), then to say, “my child is awkward and he has trouble making friends” or that “I didn’t do a great job parenting.”
ASD, Bi-polar, and ADHD has been way over Dx’d. It’s not too far out there to think not everyone claiming that they have it or their child has it, really has it.
Of course, some people truly have these Dx’s. My cousin’s D is so obviously ASD it’s not even a question.
but…It’s become one of the Dx’s du jour…either something’s in the water or not all of these Dx’s are true.
I think as schools increase testing, reduce recess, standardize curriculum and increase class sizes, we will continue to see children who struggle more than expected with those challenges.
The story we are hearing is likely the tip of an iceberg.
I am guessing that all of these questions will pop up in public, and hope that Odin will be able to navigate them , with help as needed. These are issues that most families would prefer to raise in a private or anonymous forum if their own children are involved, but parents can become desperate when they see their child struggle with bullying, especially at the hands of others generally regarded as “good kids.”
I did see a snippet on the Internet in which the mother mentioned that he was diagnosed at age 5, but had recently been bullied at school to the point where he was becoming distressed and anxious about attending school at all, and the school was working with the family so he would not fall behind in academics.
Many families and professionals consider ongoing instruction in social pragmatics at least as important as academic instruction in bringing children with ASD’s to productive adulthood and beyond, even for individuals who have done so well that outsiders would question their original diagnosis.
At least from my perspective this is pretty serious stuff, and I am trying to reserve judgement as this unfolds.
“It’s easier for some to say, “my child is on the spectrum” (so no one’s fault), then to say, “my child is awkward and he has trouble making friends” or that “I didn’t do a great job parenting.””
Ah… no, it’s not. Many people will never acknowledge that their child has any problem, and will merely refer to them as shy or introverted. And if your child has these issues, it’s probanly not because you didn’t do a great job parenting. Conversely, if your child is very comfortable socially, it may feel nice to think it’s because you were such an awesome parent, but I also think that is unlikely.
This happened in a town close to Toronto. The first thing I thought after I read about it was, why on earth would a mom schedule a birthday party during March Break? Every school in the province is closed that week and many, if not most, families are out of town. Also, it wasn’t a case of no one RSVP-ing. According to the original Facebook post, it was that none of the kids HE invited could make it to the party.