<p>and I know that. Preached it to my children…but darn it, it isnt fair! Our oldest daughter graduates from college (the one I discovered this board because of) next week and we dont have her father to celebrate with. We are all missing him so much and it hurts to know all he is missing as well.</p>
<p>I am happy for her accomplishment, and will put on the supportive/happy parent face for both of us but her father should be there-cheering for her! We will all feel his absence deeply. </p>
<p>The first of the major milestones that he will miss… and that we must experience without him.</p>
<p>Dearest Sister - this isn’t about fairness, you are not whining about fairness - this is about abject sorrow. An empty space in your heart and your life that will never be filled. Oh, you will have many happy moments, I know you traveled with your girls recently and enjoyed them, but this is about stilling reaching for your partner and missing him so much. To me it seems like being a runner and having your leg amputated - you could find ways to continue to accommodate your loss, but it would NEVER be the same. </p>
<p>So, when you come visit us - you don’t have to put on your happy face. Save those courageous efforts for your children. I will be keeping you in my prayers for the next few days as you grapple with the bittersweet joy of watching your daughter’s accomplishment without the physical presence of your best friend and partner.</p>
<p>Sistersunnie–sending kind and warm thoughts to you! My dad died a few days before I finished junior high. So he missed high school, college, and of course wedding, grandkids. It never stops hurting entirely, but I must tell you, what I think about most in my family’s past is my mom’s strength, carrying on by herself so well. She is a model to me in so many ways, as you are to your kids.</p>
<p>None of that negates the loss, of course, but please know that lots of us are there with you, and please feel free to come here and talk about it whenever you need. </p>
<p>I feel for you very much. I am sure you will have deep sorrow and tears knowing your husband missed this important occasion and milestone. Mixed with that, I hope you have much joy for yourself and your daughter. It won’t be the same without him there. And this will weigh heavily on your minds. I hope there are many smiles in between the teary moments. Your husband will be shining down on your daughter and she embodies his support and spirit.</p>
<p>He will be there - in all of your hearts. But you are right - it is so not fair. Best wishes to your family and congratulations -I know that it will be a happy and a proud day for you as well.</p>
<p>I have a friend who will be going to college graduation without her husband and another friend who will be going to high school graduation without her husband. Makes me cry to think about both of them and it makes me cry to think about you, too, sistersunnie. Don’t feel bad about shedding tears…he’s not forgotten and will not be forgotten for any milestone.</p>
<p>I’ll tell you something that will make you pat yourself on the back and say, “at least I didn’t do that” (I hope!) My friend with the HS graduate was widowed very suddenly last fall. She has recently undertaken a major home improvement project that is supposed to be finished two days before the relatives arrive for graduation. It doesn’t take a psychologist to tell me that she wants to stay very very busy and have her mind on anything but the empty seat at graduation.</p>
<p>Her success is certainly a wonderful testament to her fathers presence in her life. Congratulations. Both tears and smiles are appropriate at this time.</p>
<p>Nothing to say except <em>hugs</em>. Seconding musicamusica, who said it very well… Allow yourself both the joy and the sorrow that you must be experiencing right now, and know that we’re thinking about you and your family this weekend!</p>
<p>Congratulations to both you and your daughter. Sadly, everyone has felt the loss of a loved one. In my case my dad passed unexpectedly in 2006. He, I, and my D were all very close and it has been tough marking the milestones without him, especially for my mom.</p>
<p>Certinly you are not alone, and I have no doubt that all our loved ones are with us always.</p>
<p>sistersunnie, I am so sorry for your pain. My father died when I was twelve, just one week before my sister graduated from college. She didn’t even go to her grad. He missed my whole life and I missed having a Dad. Besides losing a husband, my mother had just lost her mother three months earlier too. I was too young to be aware of everything then but in the years since, I have marveled at the pillar of strength she was for my siblings and I. I remember always feeling safe and loved.</p>
<p>This is what your girls will see in you. They will see their father’s joy through you.<br>
He can see you and will be with you. He would want you to celebrate your d’s big day.
Try to make it a happy day for her.</p>
<p>There are so many senseless losses that bring sorrow to all of us. Feel free to post your thoughts here. We can all relate in one way or another.</p>
<p>My heart is with you and your daughter. I lost my dad only about 6 weeks before I graduated. </p>
<p>My mom made special effort to honor/recognize him and his contribution to my education/accomplishment. We had a nice dinner the evening prior to graduation and talked about him, told stories about him, shared memories (with lots of laughter) and cried about our loss. Mom made a moving toast—asked that we focus on the positive–the happy occasion of my graduation–and not shed more tears during graduation. Her toast seemed to put the sadness to bed and we had a wonderful day as a family.</p>
<p>It wasn’t fair that my dad didn’t see me graduate, but it was what it was…</p>
<p>There is nothing a stranger can say that will help fill the void. We are so sorry that the woderful man we have read about isn’t there to be with his daughters.<br>
Wishing you peace.</p>
<p>There is nothing a stranger can say that will help fill the void. We are so sorry that the wonderful man we have read about isn’t there to be with his daughters.<br>
Wishing you peace.</p>
<p>sistersunnie - this will be difficult and I can’t think of anything to say to make it any better. Sometimes just knowing that others are hearing your pain is worth articulating it, though. Vent all you need.</p>
