<p>Oh, I need to be a mom for a moment. As I try to figure out how we are going to get the growing pile of stuff to Pasadena in September when my son goes off to college, I posted to the school’s thread to find out if I shipped my son’s bedding, could he pick it up on Sunday. The responses: “who needs bedding?” “I slept on a towel the first night.” “Its too hot for bedding in Pasadena!” I’m sure if I asked my DS, he would agree - who needs bedding? (this school is a good fit). But I was looking forward to that going away to college ritual of making his bed for him in his dorm room. I’ve alread resigned myself to the fact that it won’t even been his actual dorm room since they don’t find out where they’ll live for a week or two.<br>
Alas a cc moment - I don’t want to embarrass my son by posting on the college’s forum “but mommy wants to make his bed”. Alas, I guess we’ll pack the sheets, pillow and light blanket in his suitcase & ship the comforter, mattress pad, etc and I’ll let go of making the bed, complete with comforter.</p>
<p>I feel your pain, oaklandmom. I set up DS’ room (“a place for everything and everything in its place”) at Tulane while he was busy meeting and greeting and worrying about the Katrina evacuation. Then DH and I set up his room at Bates while he was at class. The mental image of a functioning room and a “made” bed was important to me (I still have the photos of his Tulane room, now a part of the whole “Katrina” story).</p>
<p>We head off to JHU in two weeks and he has announced that he does not want us to move him in. I realize that, even as a newbie transfer, he doesn’t want the image of a “kid” with “mommy and daddy” taking care of him. But I am reluctant to give up the picture of a “right” room (even if it’s only for one brief shining moment), especially the well-made bed. In its place, I have a vision of him living out of a suitcase and boxes for the whole year - more or less the way he’s lived in his room at home this summer, never really unpacking from the trip home.</p>
<p>Let’s “let go” together. No matter how long it takes ;).</p>
<p>Take heart in knowing that his dorm room is probably too small to have boxes out without them being unpacked (crammed) into the dresser and closet.
Maybe if you explain the “many hands make light work” theory, he’ll see that it will give him more time to meet and greet after it’s done. </p>
<p>(oak: what did you all decide to do about the move?)</p>
<p>Our son didn’t want help moving in either but he was perfectly willing to let us help him move out at the end of the year. It was pretty clear that his bed had never been made the way it is at home. I think that’s one reason he was glad to be home for the summer. That and the food.</p>
<p>I also was not invited to particpate in back-to-school this year (she’s a jr). It wasn’t so much of “I don’t want you there” as “I didn’t realize you’d even want to go.” Her dad took her back and did all the lifting and moving and then just left it all there. It’s different this year - she’s living in a sorority house and she was the last of the 3 roommates to arrive. She sleeps in a cold dorm so I don’t think making the bed would have been appreciated. I know she’s older and more mature and has been on her own for awhile but it still made me very sad not to share in the ritual.</p>
<p>I think what she misses is that this is more about me- the parent - than it is about her. I know she’s old enough to move back on her own - I wish she would have thought about my perspective a little more. And I probably should have spoken up as well!</p>
<p>"But I was looking forward to that going away to college ritual of making his bed for him in his dorm room. "</p>
<p>? I remember enjoying making my own bed when I went to college. I would have felt like a baby if Mom had made it up for me.</p>
<p>S, 22, also made his own bed when he started college. He bought his own sheets and towels, too, and enjoyed doing this – the pride of spending his work money on this, the joy of selecting exactly what he wanted.</p>
<p>When I went to college, Mom picked out things for me, and I got ticked off. I wanted to do that myself. She was showing her love, but I really wanted the joy of selecting and buying my own things. Once I got to college, I used my summer job money to buy exactly what I wanted. I kept those sheets and the comforter until they literally were rags. They were wonderful momentos of my first steps into real independence.</p>
<p>Consider having your ritual as your son starts college be watching with pride as your S takes those wonderful steps into independence.</p>
<p>BTW, when S was in college, once when he PMed, he said he and his roommate had been cleaning their room. I was shocked that he would do something that I had to beg him to do at home. </p>
<p>Then, S explained – They were cleaning their room so they had room to walk on the floor!</p>
<p>“Then, S explained – They were cleaning their room so they had room to walk on the floor!”</p>
<p>Now that sounds more like it! My S did not care what I picked up, and chose not to participate in shopping trips. He asked me what he needed to do in terms of packing. He also asked me if he will need to make his bed daily! At least he knows how to fold clothes, do laundry, cleanout a bathroom, and do some simple cooking. He even knows how to make a bed, but will he do it? I know some students do not know how to do any of these things, so I guess he has a small headstart towards independence.</p>
<p>Freshman year I helped each child unpack their dorm room and yes, I made the beds (along with roommates’ mothers). After the first year, we have just dropped off at door, usually with everything packed in garbage bags, laundry baskets/bags or throw away boxes.</p>
<p>My soph son called alittle while ago to tell me they had purchased lumber and were creating a really “tight” loft configuration. Guess tight is good?</p>
<p>At some schools (including the one my son attends and the (different) one your son is going to attend, I think, oaklandmom?), “move-in day” is a misnomer, since students move into a temporary room/dorm/house and only find out a week later, after a process of exploring all the dorms, which one they’ll actually be housed at permanently. By that time, parents are long gone and wouldn’t be able to actually make the bed anyway! For that first week while they’re exploring, they aren’t likely to be sleeping in a properly made bed, either, so perhaps knowing that whatever bed you’d make up wouldn’t be his <em>actual</em> bed in the long run would be one way to console yourself with not doing it? (I didn’t even go to move-in day, I just waved him onto the plane and into his new life. The first time I saw his dorm was in late Oct. when I went to visit for Family Weekend.)</p>
<p>Good luck with the transition. It’s a big one… for everyone.</p>
<p>I chuckled at this–dd just got a chance to SHOW us her room–at the Naval Academy. One of the two times we will be allowed in Bancroft Hall in 4 years! I didn’t make her bed–she had been living there for 6 weeks already. She doesn’t sleep IN her bed (rack) anyway–no time to make it! Ddd#1 called last night. She couldn’t find a mattress she could afford and after spending the night on an oak floor, went and bought an air mattress. Moms, they really do survive without us…</p>
<p>My husband told me his mother made his bed the day he moved in as a freshman. In order to save himself the “trouble” of making the bed, he chose to sleep on top of the bedspread instead of between the sheets. Seems like a very uncomfortable thing to do in order to avoid making a bed, but it didn’t seem to bother him. I wasn’t sure he could even make a bed until this past May when I was preparing for DD’s graduation party; I asked hubby to make the bed while I was busy elsewhere. He shouldn’t have done such a good job … I’ll be asking him to do it even more! ;)</p>
<p>With my kids, I have given it up regarding made beds. I have done away with the top sheet, so that all each kid has is a bottom sheet and a relatively cheap comforter. That and a small cozy blanket and pillow with case is it. That way it does not take much to make the bed look decent–just throw the comforter in place. Many times like Splashmom’s H, they sleep on the comforter with the blanket on top of them. The comforters fit in a washer and dryer so they can be washed easily and the blanket is easy to throw in the wash. This is the same set up I give them in the dorms, and I just pray they occaisionally change that pillowcase.</p>
<p>Mootmom, thanks so much…I had kind of given up the idea of making his bed for him in his actual dormroom since I know they have froshcamp & then a week of rotation…I think I had just liked the idea of setting up his room for the first week…I know my son is the kind that won’t call for weeks after he’s there…2 summers of math programs taught me well that once he’s off on his own he doesn’t need me like he seems to at home. I bought him a webcam in the hopes he’ll use it to communicate - last summer he would IM me from time to time or send an email but phone calls just didn’t happen…though it might be different since a girl has entered his life and he now leaves his cell phone on for her. </p>
<p>jmmom, sounds good…lets do this together! it is so hard to let go! </p>
<p>ADREW5449, the move is a work in progress. I’ve found a couple of houses I like, one I loved, but it sold before I made an offer. And my son has looked at houses with me and seems to like the idea of me moving…but I’ve been so focused on trying to get him ready to move, I haven’t started the process of selling my place here…that comes next. I would really love to make an offer on another place before my son heads off so he can have a picture in his mind of what “home” will be like when he comes home for the holidays & summer (if he comes home for summer).</p>