<p>DD17 has applied to three schools (our state flagship and other highly-rated state school which is sometimes referred to as a public ivy) and one out-of-state flagship. She has narrowed her choices down after visiting several colleges, both public and private, instate and out of state. We have guided her to make college decisions based on which has best academic program for her interest - prehealth program with plans to go to grad school, med school or dental school - along with which is the most financially reasonable school since we won’t receive any need-based aid and it would be nice to have extra funds to go towards grad school. We have also told her that if she goes to the instate school (where she will likely receive scholarships), she will be able to study abroad for a semester. </p>
<p>My son goes to the highly rated state school that she applied to and she has visited several times - most recently 2 weeks ago for a 3 day combined social/scholarship program visit. She came back from that visit saying that she felt comfortable with the school and that’s where she would go. She has already been accepted to the out of state flaghip’s honors college with a $10,000 scholarship and an invitation to apply for honors college scholarships. She said that she wasn’t going to do the second application for honors scholarships since she would be going to the instate school where her brother attends. Today she spoke to several friends at a National Honor Society event and they are all applying to several highly ranked private schools and told her that she should be applying to more prestigious schools. She came home and had a tearful discussion with me about how she feels like she should apply to more prestigious schools, she doesn’t know if she’ll really fit in at that college because she would either have to join a sorority or hang out with the Christian organization and she doesn’t really know for sure if she’s going to med school so maybe she should go to a more prestigious (expensive) college. I told her that no school will be 100% perfect and that she won’t like 100% of the people at any school but that she will find her niche. Now she has already missed the Nov. 1 deadline for many schools and I don’t even know where else to tell her to apply. She has ruled out anything smaller than 10,000 and we’ve ruled out anything that costs over $35,000 per year to attend. Is this a normal phase that senior girls go through? My son never went through this - he was happy to get into his first choice college and has felt that it has been a great fit for him. Any advice from other senior moms?</p>
<p>Huh? Do you mean that the private school’s social scene is mostly sorority and Christian organization based, and she is not particularly interested in either? Or one or more of the public schools?</p>
<p>Med/dental schools prioritize high grades, not elite diplomas. If you won’t qualify for need-based aid at elite private schools, then it’s up to her to try and qualify for merit aid at the handful that offer it. You have done your part if you have communicated the budget clearly.</p>
<p>I do think it is very common for seniors at this point to be confused (girls or boys) They get accepted to several schools and don’t know which one to pick, and then they hear all their friends are going to ‘better’ schools and they wonder what they missed. If she still wants to apply to schools, she can apply regular admission.</p>
<p>I have one child who always knows what she wants and never regrets her decisions. She applied to exactly one school she attends there. She really never looked at another school seriously. My other child is totally different. She takes forever to make a decision and then always second guesses herself. When she was about 7 someone gave her a reversible skirt, with stripes on one side and dots on the other. She’d take hours to decide which side to wear. I swore never to buy such a complicated clothing item for her. </p>
<p>However, for college, DD#2 looked at several schools and several different types of schools, but when she found ‘the one’ she never looked back. I really thought she would regret not applying to more schools, but she hasn’t.</p>
<p>If your daughter is unsure, she has until May to decide. Maybe when she learns a friend is going to School A she’ll feel more confident in her decision.</p>
<p>Most private colleges and universities that I’m aware of have application deadlines of January 1 or thereabouts. As long as you lay out the financial options clearly, I don’t see why she can’t apply to some private colleges and universities over the next 6 weeks and then see what happens, both in terms of admissions and financial aid. </p>
<p>If it would not be feasible for her to attend a private college or university without substantial merit aid, make sure she understands that before choosing schools to apply to.</p>
<p>“she doesn’t really know for sure if she’s going to med school so maybe she should go to a more prestigious (expensive) college.”
-The logic is in reverse actually. If one considers Med. School, then UG that they attend is NOT a factor at all. The Med. School adcoms are looking for the very high college GPA = 3.6+ (min. , there are stories of 3.5 not getting into Med. school), decent MCAT score, medically related ECs and somewhat social personality. Med. Schools DO NOT CARE what UG applicant attended. So, again, the logic in reverse, choosing the cheapest UG (for a aspecific student) has great advantages as it frees family funds for the Medical School. Yes, there are free or cheaper versions of Med. Schools, but the chances are that applicant will not have them as a choice.
My D. choose in-state public UG where she was on full tuition Merit award. She received a large Merit from one private but they did not accept her to the bs/md program, and this acceptance was her criteria #1. So, not only we did not pay tuition for her UG, but she had a guaranteed spot at Med. School after graduation. As she felt that she may try somewhere else, she applied to few other Med. Schools and had a great selection at the end. She was ready to choose the cheapest again, but we told her that because of her very wise decision for the UG, we will pay for her Med. School and we urged her not consider the price at all. This situation made her free to choose the best place for herself, not the cheapest one. She actually happen to choose the most expensive and has been happy so far, graduates from Med. School next year.
But she should like her UG, she should be able to feel that she can spend 4 most important years of her life there.</p>
<p>I like what @MiamiDAP said. Some of the best, most knowledgeable doctors we know went to our local state flagship, and are probably better off financially right now because of it. It’s normal to feel unsure when you hear where others are applying, but once she gets to her chosen school she be surrounded by thousands of others who chose that school also and will feel great about it. </p>
<p>Yes, it’s normal for kids to have second thoughts, especially as the decision gets closer and they hear what their friends are doing. It started getting cold here the other day and in the middle of the day I got a text from my daughter saying “can I apply to San Jose State?” I have no idea how she has even heard about it–we live in the midwest. So now we are scrambling to find one affordable, viable warm-weather school “just to have.” Seems like a waste when it’s so unlikely that she would actually leave this part of the country (based on her other criteria). Oh well.</p>
<p>Sounds like my third. Suddenly decided that, as most of the schools were in cold weather environs, one should have warm weather schools in ‘places she’d love to live’ on the list. Common application makes that too easy. Off went one app to a warm location, </p>
<p>Why not apply? You have until late December to get in the applications…and it will save her from feeling regret…if she gets a yes to these elite schools (and the odds are very much against her…as they are for pretty much 100% of their applicants) then you can work through the reality of how to pay…if you can pay $35,000 a year and she gets some merit, it may well be doable.</p>
<p>I believe she’ll happily end up at the state school…but I believe she should spread her wings…</p>
<p>Before suggesting this, check the high school’s deadlines for submitting requests for transcripts and recommendations. The deadline for submitting requests to the high school for a January 1 application deadline may already have passed.</p>
<p>I agree with others…as long it is a reasonable school, the cheaper the better for undergrad for pre-med.
Also at a state flagship you will have so many opportunities if she just seeks them out.
Also I would tell her that she should make decisions based on what is best for her and not what works for someone else. But she is welcome to apply at some more schools if she wants, keeping in mind what you will pay.</p>
<p>I would say…she should apply. She won’t have to make up her mind about where to matriculate until later…and her top three choices could very well rise to the top.</p>
<p>But more important…I would urge your daughter to stop talking about colleges with her friends. This is a smile and nod moment…when she can say “I have my applications done and will make up my mind and discuss the choice after I make my decision at the end of April.”</p>
<p>She should not apply to colleges because others are applying to certain colleges. Period.</p>
<p>What schools can she apply to that have at least 10,000 students, cost less than $35,000/year pre-aid, and are more prestigious than the colleges to which she has already applied? The 10,000 student criterion, if it means undergraduate students, knocks out all but a very small number of high-prestige private universities. The $35,000 criterion, even if it only means tuition, knocks out all of them. Merit scholarships may be available at some colleges, but the more likely they are to award significant merit scholarships, the less likely they are to be more prestigious than the three colleges where she has applied, and the more likely they are to have a sticker price significantly in excess of $35,000.</p>
<p>The only private colleges with high national prestige I can think of that meet the 10,000 student criterion are Penn (barely), Cornell, NYU, USC, and George Washington University. All of them have tuition and fees in the neighborhood of $48,000, and not all of them are clearly more prestigious than various “public Ivies.”</p>
<p>^^One of my kids knocked out a variety of those schools because he felt they “weren’t a better value” (his words, not mine) than our state flagship. Surprised the heck out of me, as I thought those would be a real sweet spot for him. </p>
<p>OP, also keep in mind that financial aid folks don’t calculate what YOU think you can afford – it’s what THEY think you can afford. Those numbers do not often agree! </p>
<p>I will also say that a sizeable number of S1’s friends with tippy-top numbers (and tippy-top acceptances) chose the full ride at our flagship (including 4.0 UW/2400 types). A whole lot of them are now in med school/grad school at Ivies, MIT, Caltech, Duke, JHU, etc. – and without the UG debt. For someone looking at long-term college (pharm, OT/PT, med/dental), I’d encourage that person to steer clear of as much UG debt as possible.</p>
<p>At bottom, I think many of our kids want to feel they have choices and can choose from a position of strength, even if they pretty much know where they want to be. Your D’s friends who are applying to “more prestigious” schools haven’t been accepted yet and haven’t faced the moment of truth about parental finances and FA awards. They may be facing their own moment of reckoning down the road.</p>
Well perhaps it depends on where you go, but we spent much less the year our son studied abroad than the other years.</p>
<p>I think at this time of year there is a lot of angst and seniors feed on each other. There is a lot of silly worry about prestige. Honestly, if she wants a big school - schools like UVA or William and Mary (which is my personal guess for the schools you are talking about) are far more prestigious than almost any large public university. Here in SUNY land kids are dying to attend them!</p>
<p>Some very expensive privates are not expensive at all for the specific student because of Merit awards. Somehow (I do not know how), some UGs, both private and public have much mroe funds available for scholaships than other schools. that was very apparent when my D. applied. But I did ton of research and the mot important one was actually word of mouth. I have checked with parents of kids who applied in a last couple years, who I knew had simialr stats to my D’s and who applied in the same area. If you start checking around, you will be greatly surpized because there is no rhyme or reason for such great difference in Merit awards that specific kid could get at the same type of schools. The only explanantion is that some simply have more funds for the scholarships. So, when somebody is saying that the school is $35k / year, surprise it may be only $5k / year for your kid. These were exactly the numbers for my D. at one private, but it was no surprize since the school is known for awarding great Merits to the top kids. Nope, we would not pay $35k, not for the UG. The kid worked hard, she deserves to have it for free and have a loan free life after.</p>
<p>Maybe maker her a deal and say that if she finishes that honors college essay she can apply to some other college/university that meets her criteria if she can find one. The search might be instructional for her and make her appreciate her current options more. Maybe she does turn up a gem or shift her parameters a bit, who knows? As others have said, as long as she understands the cost considerations it can’t really hurt for her to seek out and possibly apply to one more. </p>
<p>It doesn’t hurt to apply to a college if there is the possibility you can afford it, and your D understands up front that cost considerations will be a factor in the final choice. I agree with the idea of keeping possibilities open, but also that the student understands that a college may be too costly in the end. </p>
<p>Part of what your D is experiencing is the “talk” between students during this time. Of course, they can apply anywhere but what they choose when the actual costs and acceptances are in front of them might be different. </p>
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