<p>AH good point about was she friendly. No not at all. Polite but she slightly looked away too when introducing herself. </p>
<p>Now she might just be a socially uncomfortable person so it would explain the awkwardness and maybe also suggest she flubbed the introduction…Or she’s just not friendly or interested in being friendly with me. Who knows. I was disappointed though as I adore her daughter and had really looked forward to meeting the mom of this neat kid. </p>
<p>Cultural? Maybe. She immigrated from Bombay India at 13. But that gives her about 40 years in our culture. </p>
<p>Northstarmom- somehow its good to know you’ve had the exact same experience about the title thing with students. What is that about anyway?</p>
<p>Why is it that I love it when my kids friends call me “Mrs. SJTH” (not like in a snobby way, but in a I’m-so-glad-these-guys-say-hello-and-know-enough-manners-to-probably-be-able-to-survive-a-formal-dinner-at-the-professors-house-next-year way) but when the grocery store checker does it or, worse, calls me “Ma’am” I hate it?! </p>
<p>The Starbucks guy calls me “Miss.” I LOVE the Starbucks guy…</p>
<p>I hate Ma’am too. It just sounds to forced and stuffy and old-fashioned and toolish. I don’t mind " Ms. Lastname", though. I don’t hear much “Mrs.” around here in retail, unless the person actually knows me and knows my husband.<br>
It’s always Ms. now, which makes it easier for everyone, I’m sure.
Ms. and Miss sound a lot alike, SJTH. Just sayin’…;)</p>
<p>I’d give her a second chance as this may have been an anomaly. I would have felt awkward as well…</p>
<p>People can be funny/strange about titles. In another life, I was a h.s. teacher and called a parent to clarify an assignment—Not of a disciplinary nature—and spoke to the dad, who insisted on being called Col. Jones rather than Mr. Jones…He corrected me about 4 times in a very brief phone conversation. I’d say “Thanks so much for your help, Mr. Jones.” and he say “Col. Jones, please.”…I found out through some networking that he treated all of his daughter’s teachers in this way…He’d been out of the military for a number of years and we had nothing to do with the military in any way…Never quite figured that one out!</p>
<p>^^ wow. I would just continue to call him Mr. Jones. Perhaps accentuate the Mr. - haha. </p>
<p>My daughter is at a military school - she is very very careful and NEVER calls me “Ma’am” but her friends do. all the time. At first, I would stop them and say please - you don’t have to call me “Ma’am” but they can’t help it, so I give up.
What is really funny is seeing her order fast food and saying “Yes,Ma’am” to the cashier in McDonalds!</p>
<p>My kids friends from high school generally put “Mama” in front of my last name and call me that. It’s sweet, esp. since most of them called me by my first name since toddlerhood.</p>
<p>“I’m Dr. Smith”
“Oh, I assumed we’d be on a first-name basis because our girls are such good friends. Would you prefer to be more formal? I’d love it if you’d call me Catherine.”</p>
<p>When I taught, the rule was always that you addressed other teachers formally in the presence of students and parents. I realize that’s a digression from the discussion at hand–but was your daughter present? Perhaps your daughter has been first-naming her and she doesn’t like it?</p>
<p>The Ma’am thing is very much a regional tradition. There were times (only a few!) when my parents withheld my allowance for forgetting to say ma’am and sir…And my father continued to say ma’am to pretty much all women until the day he died…just showing respect, he’d say. The nurses remarked to my mom about how courteous he was, even in the last few days of his life…</p>
<p>Great idea about the daughters’ being present. But no they had left already (we met while dropping them off). Also my D didn’t know her first name so I don’t think she’d have called her by her first name. But that would have been such a perfect explanation!</p>
<p>Oh I hate ma’am too. It seems to come mostly from young men and I know they are so trying to be polite too. But I still remember the first time I was called that mannnny years ago…and it hit me then, “wow, I’m now OLD” :)</p>
<p>Army officers keep their rank after they retire. When my dad was substitute teaching, he wrote Maj. Zamzam up on the board at the beginning of class to identify who he was. It may be rude for him to keep correcting you, but it is equally rude for you not to address him with the rank he earned. If you were talking to your senator, would you leave by saying, “Thank you, Mr. Kerry (or Mrs. Clinton)”?</p>
<p>And since I work in retail and have to address women of all ages, I tend to address anyone who looks old enough to vote as “Ma’am,” and anyone younger as “Miss.” (For men, I call men older than me “Sir,” and I don’t use anything for boys younger than me: I just say “Here you go,” and walk away.)</p>
<p>My dad was a retired Air Force officer who became a high school math teacher. He always went by Mr. in the classroom.
While retired officers do indeed keep their rank, it is rather pretentious to insist on it outside the context of the military. IMO.</p>
<p>Down south Ma’am is expected, up north it is insulting. LOL.</p>
<p>Justamom, mine too. Just visited D at her university and the apartment roommates who I have met in past years, but don’t really know well enough to expect first names, innately called my Mama Somemom and that reminded me of many HS friends, esp when bridging that time between newly introduced and been around enough to call you by your first name. I liked it!</p>
<p>If someone calls me “Miss” unless he’s like 90, I feel like it’s condescending. I’m not a Miss. I’m a mature adult. I quit being a Miss at 21.
Here in the South, Ma’am and Sir are still quite acceptable. Interestingly, I had a friend who’s kid worked in the local ice cream place and had a customer complain about his manners to the manager. This was about the sweetest most polite boy you could imagine. Very old school. Turned out the complaining customer was from the east coast and thought his “yes Ma’am” was being sarcastic…</p>
<p>My own personal pet peeve re titles is when doctors (of either gender) call you, the patient, by your first name but expect to be called Dr. So-and-So. That is, if they bother to introduce themselves at all. Even worse is when the doctor is younger than you!</p>
<p>Although, if I’m really at the doctor’s mercy (he’s about to operate on a family member, for instance!) I’ll give him/her any honorific I can think of!</p>
<p>Most doctors I’ve dealt with (on east coast) have been good at calling me Mrs. X and my parents Mr. & Mrs. Y as well. Funny, though, they tend to call my husband by his first name. He responds by calling them “doc” (he’s casual, so that works).</p>
<p>Zam, I’m not sure it’s appropriate to expect children in a school setting to use a military rank title…Somehow it would seem strange calling your math teacher Major Jones in a non-military, plain vanilla public school. I’ve taught the children of a state representative and always called him Mr. Jones. Never really thought anything about it. If one is not in the environment related to the title, seems to me Mr/Mrs is permissable…</p>
<p>Meanwhile, when I was in my 20s, one of mfriends was a woman in her 50s who was married to a man in the military. I called both of them by their first name as was their wont. I didn’t even know what his rank was in the military.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until years later that I learned he was a general.</p>
<p>How about this- I’m Dr. X and H is Dr. Y (both MDs). His mother is Mrs. Y, I never changed my name (and sometimes make the comment “it would be 20 letters plus the hyphen…”). I sometimes tell people they can call me Dr. X (all 4 syllables) or first name- one way of being informal but letting them know my status, especially with medical offices as a patient. I hate it in banks or grocery stores where people see my name in print, figure they can’t pronounce it and address me by my formal first name, especially when they are formal with the lady ahead of me, using a last name. I often say I’m “nickname X” to let people know I have a different last name than H. I definitely use the Dr. in situations where H is addressed as Dr. We have had multiple copies of junk mail sent- imagine variations of Mrs. X, Mrs. Y, my first name Y, my name… Another pet peeve was years ago when one of H’s partners’ wives would send holiday cards (cards sent by a Jewish person to a Hindu and me in Dec.) to “Dr. and Mrs. Y”. I know it’s hard to write both last names- I often address envelopes to friends as the “Z family” instead of using both names… </p>
<p>It is much harder to get the Dr. degree than the Mrs. title, therefore my preference is to acknowledge the academic over the marital title. I wish Ms were popular- if men don’t need to reveal their marital status, why should women? I let “Mrs. Y” from son’s friends slide, especially when they were young, unless they need to know my last name. It all has to do with how a name, including any honorifics/titles defines a person. I’m me, not an appendage of my H.</p>
<p>rutgersmamma, you’ve never met my father. You can take the man out of the military, but you can never take the military out of the man. He’ll be Major Zamzam until the day he dies. To be honest, if I had a rank of any sort (besides First Class Scout) you can bet your bottom dollar that I’d ask that people refer to me as such. If it is something that is not easily earned, you deserve to hear the honorific your degree or position merits. In the past, honorifics were reserved for the nobility–in America, shouldn’t we reward the work that people have put towards a doctorate (or towards the military)?</p>
<p>At least my father isn’t as annoying about it as his neighbor, who insists on being called “Sarge.” I don’t actually know his real name.</p>
<p>I’ve got to agree with rutgersmama. As a teacher, I would have a difficult time addressing a colleague (unless they are a junior ROTC instructor) by their rank. The same is true of someone w/a PhD. BTW I am a veteran with an honorable discharge. It took approximately 10 seconds to get the military out of me.</p>