Yep. Or, they start touring early junior year and only visit the ivies, and the high high/high reaches. Kid falls in love with these schools and uses them as a benchmark to compare every other college. By the time the parents realize they need to visit more attainable schools in the summer, the bar has already been set so high and it’s difficult to dial back expectations. It’s not difficult to like most T10 colleges. Why spend so much time on them while neglecting the others?
The point is to figure out something lovable about each and every school on the list and to get rid of the “safety” and sloppy seconds terminology and thinking.
@blossom - This is it…a safety school does not equate to the bottom of the barrell.
There are lots of kids who are disappointed with the school they end up at on May 1, only to go and be pleasantly surprised with the experience. So if your child ends up being disappointed with his choice, perhaps seek out someone who was in a similar position for a chat. There are kids who enroll and swear they will transfer the first chance they get, but then end up very happy where they are.
@wisteria100 One of the tour guides at a school that we visited told us that the school was not her first choice but she can not imagine herself anywhere else. She really seemed genuinely happy.
Am I the only parent of kid who doesn’t love any school and could care less if it’s a “reach”, “match” or “safety”? We’ve looked at all three and the conversation has been the same each time…
Me: What do you think?
Him: It’s fine
Me: Can you see yourself here?
Him: Sure
Thanks for the input kid 
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We never used the word safety - I think that it immediately puts negative connotations on the school. We actually didn’t use reach either and definitely not dream. We were somewhat lucky that my daughter was able to find that many higher acceptance rate schools had very good ballet programs which is an important ec for her. We spent a ton of time talking about how no school is perfect and that there would be trade offs - so one school may have really great small classes or research opportunities while another may make a double major possible. It seemed to help.
I’m wondering if there is any correlation between the reactions and the sex of the kids. From some of the posts it seems like the males are more laid back.
My daughter’s college counselor at school uses “Likely, Match, Reach & High Reach”.
Note that there should be a distinction between “safety” (100% chance of admission and affordability, including admission to major if applicable) and “likely” (high, probably 90+%, chance of admission and affordability, including to major if applicable).
Also, as the season goes by, any college that delivers an affordable admission becomes a safety after that is known, even though it may have been a reach when applying.
I think this was our mistake. Our first official tour junior year was MIT, and my child fell in love. Everything since (we’ve visited over 20 schools, including our safeties/likelies) hasn’t measured up. Of course this doesn’t end well, child was deferred from MIT and I’m sure will be rejected come 3/14/20. They are your average excellent unhooked kid.
I don’t think my child is prestige shopping per se. Based on tours, they ruled out Princeton (felt it was too snobby), JHU (the student body was too “put-together”, didn’t feel they could find their people), Yale (too liberal arts focused).
If your kid is a nerd at heart, truly thrives when surrounded by intellectually driven peers, and desires a collaborative and supportive environment with like-minded students, where their idea of a good time is studying together (not partying), how do you find a “safety” (school with high acceptance rate) that they will love?
Now when kid #2 is in high school, I’m definitely not starting tours at “the top.” We’re checking out matches/safeties first! But kid number 2 is very different than Child20, and will probably be looking for a more normal college experience anyway.
If your kid is a nerd at heart, truly thrives when surrounded by intellectually driven peers, and desires a collaborative and supportive environment with like-minded students, where their idea of a good time is studying together (not partying), how do you find a “safety” (school with high acceptance rate) that they will love?
@curiousme2 - This is my kid…We found some great ones. PM me if you want and I will share. Also interested in what you came up with also.
Basically, we didn’t come up with a true safety in a sense that kid will be thrilled going there.
Thus far, kid as been accepted to every EA they’ve heard back from (EXCEPT MIT) including a couple full or near-full rides in honors colleges with ABET accreditation. But how do you make kid LOVE those schools when what they really want is the fully nerded-out environment?
If you mean an engineering heavy school, there are such schools that are much less selective than MIT (e.g. SD and NM mine schools).
First, I agree in general. Also, I acknowledge that while it is silly to place too much emphasis on rankings. However, it is useful to utilize rankings in a broad fashion. Even if only to initiate more detailed investigation. And in general, I now base my opinions of universities on many criteria.
But here’s an example.
A couple of years ago, the friend of my son’s best friend had multiple basketball admissions offers to universities. He attended a respected private school that was one of the best in the state and had very good academic statistics. He was not a national star player, or even a high-ranked player in his state – he was not planning to play professionally on any level. His plans were to leverage his basketball talent to get a free quality education at a good university.
He ended up with many offers, including one from an Ivy League school. Instead of the Ivy, he chose a school with questionable academic credentials because he thought it had a pretty campus and the basketball coach had, long ago, coached big time college basketball. The student was excited to attend his chosen school, but he made a horrible decision in my opinion. It’s not like he skipped Ivy to go to Rutgers. He skipped Ivy to go to Dakota Wesleyan (apologies to DW, I use it simply as a placeholder in this conversation.)
Now, my son isn’t an athlete. My son isn’t going to be offered admission to a top 20 school, so the gap in quality isn’t going to be as glaring. But, if he has the chance to attend a nationally ranked top-75 school and he chooses the 35th ranked school in the state, I’d be concerned.
I wouldn’t be concerned if he chose #135 instead of #90. Or even if he chose #240 instead of #90. But to choose #450 over #30 would generate concern.
Does that make any sense? Or is your position that as long as a teenager is excited, it’s okay to choose any school over ANY other school?
“Does that make any sense? Or is your position that as long as a teenager is excited, it’s okay to choose any school over ANY other school?”
This was not us. All about the rigor. Kid hopes to study bio-statistics at Pitt or Case and prefers that to Duke? Fine in my book. Don’t know or care about the relative rankings- just that kid will have to work hard to keep up. Kid prefers High Point to Wake Forest because the girls are prettier and the food is better? Not on my dime.
LOL! Not in Boston, but I did that one trip.
Something similar happened on our first college trip tour many months ago. When we returned home and my son kept talking about lovingly about the far reach and disparagingly about the school I thought was the better option, I realized I had made a mistake. I realized it made more sense to reverse the tour schedule. Visit the realistic good options in the mornings while we were both fresh and excited about the day. Save the reaches for the end of the day.
Fortunately, on our situation, more conversation and more exploration led him to realize most good schools can be the right school for him if they offer what he likes.
I agree!
A bit off topic maybe but reading some comments also makes me glad we used a private admissions counselor. One of her favorite phrases was “manage expectations”. I can see how the choices become Ferrari taste on a Ford budget on overdrive because it can also be a Ford transcript or Ford test score or Ford essay, not that I am knocking Ford but you get the point. Anyone can be blinded by the flashy to the point where they ignore the practical.
I went through this about two years ago when my twins were in the ‘waiting’ phase of the admissions process. Twin A gets accepted to Twin B’s first choice. That was awkward. Overall, I was very jaded by the process. Twin B went for the gusto, applying to a few Ivies and highly selectives. Rejected to them all (as an average excellent unhooked candidate). In the end, he was accepted to his “UC guaranteed” and a safety. He warmed up to the safety and now that he is 3 semesters in, would probably say he likes it there.
On threads like this, it’s always interesting to assess how much is the kid’s perception versus the parents projection. I am guilty of projecting. I’m embarrassed to say I probably gave Twin B the impression that I was disappointed in him because he only got accepted to two schools. I have since been able to get my head in the right place, supporting his efforts to get into summer programs and discussing “where would I (he) work with a CS degree?”
For the kids that can’s get excited about any school - say hello to CC to get general Ed requirements done and see if you want to transfer to a 4 year school. You can get a fair amount of work done for a lot less money.
“I realized I had made a mistake. I realized it made more sense to reverse the tour schedule. Visit the realistic good options in the mornings while we were both fresh and excited about the day. Save the reaches for the end of the day.”
We learned this lesson, saved by the skin of our teeth. Took DD to a tour of a reach school, mostly because it was convenient, and we wanted to give her the sense and feel of a college visit. We warned her this was not the best choice school for her major. Well, she loved the place… except she had it hanging in her mind that, while it is a fantastic school, it wasn’t great for her major. It was obvious, even to her. In a university that had a separate brochure for every major in every college, her major warranted just one line near the back of a single brochure. Fortunately, she has a good head on her shoulders, and while the school is still under consideration, it just became “another possible college on the maybe-I’ll-apply list”, not a favorite, not #1. Whew!
So we’ll be visiting a few likely schools (I also prefer the term to “safety”, though I understand why some prefer to make the differentiation) BEFORE we visit any great-school-and-great-in-her-major colleges.