Not Accepted to Any Desired Colleges? What Was Decision?

Parents Forum
41

The thing is…you need to be realistic in terms of expectations.

My second kid applied initially to 3 colleges and according to the common data set, she was pretty much a sure thing for admission to all three. All were schools she really like a lot, and she was accepted to all before Christmas.

She then wanted to add a reach school…and did and didn’t get accepted there. We asked for one ultra safety nearer to home and she got accepted there too.

I think students and parents need to be realistic about acceptance chances. I’ve seen several families where the applications were all reach schools and a sure thing…the sure thing is where the student attended college. And you know…it all turned out fine.

With 3000 or so colleges, surely the OPs kid can find an affordable college, that they like, where admission is pretty sure.

42

We did the ultimate in researching a safety. My DS was a very likely NMSF so he did the summer on campus programs (2 college class over 6 weeks) at Alabama. There were quite a few OOS students like him checking out the school. He didn’t come back loving the place, but it is acceptable and may move up based on some special programs. Since they are rolling admissions, it was nice to have something early in case the stuff hit the fan.

43

This is pretty much what we did w/ S19 as well. Thankfully his safety was a very very close 2nd choice.
Now w/ S2, we’re saying the same things. He thinks he wants (I mean, he’s 12!! LOL) to stay home and got to Chapel Hill. That’s a pretty darn tough get these days. So we’re also talking about other area schools and coaxing him gently and slowly to look a bit further afield.
I totally agree w/ not applying to a school you don’t like. What would be the point?! We actually took it a step further and told out S19 not to apply to a school he hasn’t seen with his own eyes.

I also highly rec’d visiting by the beginning of Soph year… especially if you have an athlete or other such busy student.

44

The problem with visits during sophomore year is that you don’t know what you don’t know. So your kid is a strong student and a good athlete and is taking challenging HS courses and might be interested in electrical engineering. There’s no reason to believe that he couldn’t get into Stanford, and you’re going to be in California anyway over Christmas of sophomore year visiting cousins so what’s the harm in visiting Stanford?

Well- Stanford is gorgeous. And shows really, really well. So by junior year when you’ve got some test scores and your kid is still interested in electrical engineering, you need to pivot away from the image of Stanford and get him excited about Worcester MA and Troy NY and maybe Storrs CT or Rolla, MO which are universities which would be much more realistic applications. That’s a toughie. And then you have the sit down with the guidance counselor who hands you a list which includes Hofstra and Drexel-- places you’ve never heard of-- with notations like “increasingly competitive from our area over the last few years”.

And you’re thinking “how did we get from Stanford to Hofstra in less than a year?” And of course you’d be right- but with just GPA and trig under your belt, you don’t know where your kid is going to land on the continuum. And every drop dead gorgeous campus you visit, and get excited about, and fantasize about visiting, is a place that’s going to mess with your kid’s head if it shows up on the “not a prayer” list the guidance counselor makes.

There are some kids who don’t care. I had one like that- physical surroundings meant nothing, nice weather- eh, close to a beach or skiing- could take it or leave it. But I had one who really, really needed to fall in love and timing out the visits became important so that there would be something to love at every place on the list.

45

There should be a pinned announcement somewhere (and maybe there is): Do NOT visit your reach schools first. Visit and tour matches and safeties before setting foot on the campus of any school with <30% acceptance rate.

46

Both of my kids had true safeties That they loved. My oldest was very happy with her safety choice. She was applying to schools for Chemical Engineering. Her safety was the University of Toledo. She really liked their engineering department. She could have applied to tOSU but chose UT. She was accepted to Case Western with enough aid that cost didn’t factor into the decision. She was finally accepted to Purdue with merit and it was her top choice but UT was next on her list.

My youngest only wanted to apply to her safety, Ohio University. We made her apply elsewhere (mistake). She was accepted everywhere, went to OU, will graduate in May and was accepted to their DPT program and will start in May. She loves it and always has.

47

Yes, nerded-out, engineering heavy schools.

It’s a little late to ask considering application season has mostly closed, but what is SD and NM mine schools?

48

@joecollege44 We did visit safeties. In fact, we spent more time at the safeties than anywhere else. They were the only two schools where S spent multiple days and stayed overnight too. He would say he liked them well enough. They checked a lot of his boxes. Like I said, it was only after the whole search was over, that he said he wouldn’t have been happy at those two schools. I think maybe it was hard for him to be “all in” with the safeties purely because he really, really thought he wouldn’t need them. If he was more concerned about getting in his other schools, I hope he would have been more worked up about finding safeties he was more comfortable with.

49

South Dakota School of Mines and Technology
New Mexico Institute of Mining and Technology

Neither is all that selective, and both are relatively inexpensive, even for out-of-state students. They are probably still open for applications.

50

My firm principle was not to start at the top. They’re kids and if you show them the best first, the risk is everything else will be compared. And they may never turn out to be viable candidates. It’s often easier to just start local, whether or not you take an official tour.

Also, we didn’t ask point-blank questions about what they thought after a visit. It puts them on the spot. Instead, we listened for clues to what they did like- or not- and built on that.

51

Yep. Parents need to educate themselves better, and anyone who doesn’t only has themselves to blame.

I would expect parents to have the forethought to realize - even in soph year - that Stanford acceptance rate is less than 5%. There’s no harm in visiting, but it should be with the understanding that you’re looking at an elite institution where even brilliant students are rejected.

Similarly, just because kiddo is a “great” athlete at 12, 14 or 17 doesn’t mean they’re getting a scholarship anywhere, and if they do, it’s unlikely going to be a full ride. Take soccer for example, there are only 9.9 men’s scholarships available for an entire roster of ~30 players, so you’re not getting a ton a money to play soccer in college.

52

Close family, a few years ago. Stellar student with good ECs. Rejected at 3 reaches, also rejected at what should have been solid matches. Hard to tell what went wrong. Went to safety (state flagship, not one of “those” flagships), but hated it. Transferred to a T20 after freshman year. Graduated magna cum laude. Yes it’s great if you can truly love your safety, but there are options when you don’t.

53

That’s my kid lol

54

But options involving transfer to a more selective college do require earning a high college GPA at the college initially enrolled at, even if it is one that the student despises.

55

The advice is always to “love thy safety” but that is not always possible. Applying to realistic match schools that the kid would be happy to attend is very important. While there are always exceptions, the probability is reasonably high that a kid will get into at least one of their match schools (assuming that the schools are actually matches to the kids actual stats and not to their HS-inflated GPA due to heavy weighting of honors/AP classes).

If they get in nowhere they are willing to attend, a kid may decide todecline all offers and either take a gap year and re-apply or take classes at a community college and then apply as a transfer. Or they go to their safety and either decide they do in fact like it or they transfer. Or they decide to go in a totally different direction and work for a few years, putting off college maybe forever.

I think it is a mistake to assume that every kid goes to a college they love. Most kids (although maybe not most on CC) go to a local U. Even those that go away are often constrained by finances. Parents need to change the message to go to a place you can get a good education and still have fun.

As to picking the school ranked 450 vs 75, I would not have let my kid apply to a school I would not pay for. I would be very unhappy/concerned at a choice of college that was so far below my kid’s ability. The exception would be for a school that has some sort of very specialized major.

56

Yes, but logically if you can’t do that at a safety, then the original/more desired school was likely out of your reach anyway.

57

As a long time member of CC, I can tell you that every year there are MANY stories of kids who end up with only one or two options, which they don’t like. If I could get one message out to applicants, it would be to choose safeties you like.

The problem is that the vast majority of people have no idea that they are not spectacular. Their parents or teachers have told them for so long that they are a great student or whatever that they assume they have what it takes to get into Harvard or another stupidly selective school. They simply are unaware that many of the kids getting into the top schools have achievements well beyond being president of their high school NHS. They don’t know that their competition are Intel science finalists, etc…

@homerdog is right in that parents SHOULD tell their kids they have no chance. But the problem is that 99% of parents don’t know that their amazing kid hasn’t got a chance. And even the ones who know more than the average parent still believe that their average excellent kid might be the lucky one who does get in. We can’t help it, because we are hardwired to love our kids and think they are amazing, despite our common sense.

I made a lot of classic mistakes with my first, who didn’t end up at her safeties. Many of you probably read my thread from 2016: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1878059-truthful-advice-about-getting-into-top-colleges-for-your-average-excellent-student-p1.html

Very good friend of my D could be the topic of this thread. Applied to 12 top colleges and one instate. Ended up at the instate because she had no other options. She hated it and transferred after her first year to a very respectable LAC that she would have gotten a nice merit scholarship for if she had applied there in the first place. I’m not sure how she persuaded her parents to pay, frankly. But then, she transferred again, this time to a CTCL college that is fine, but honestly not as good as the other LAC. (And she would have no doubt got a really great scholarship.) That time, she followed a boyfriend. Just really not a sensible girl. Anyway, she’s due to graduate this year, thinks her school is okay, and managed to get herself a good summer internship last year, so there’s hope for her.

Is it possible, or even likely, that many of the kids who end up at their only option are simply reinforcing some kind of college Darwinism?

58

Our kid did not want to attend any of her affordable choices.

She was unhappy most of her freshman year. She asked us if she could transfer.

We noticed she perked up, just a little, towards the very end of her freshman year. She had made plans to live off-campus in an apartment instead of the dorms. We agreed to let her take the extra car down with her for school. That seemed to make a difference.

She’s happy now and lives there year-round. Graduates this May.

In a perfect world, kids like or even love their safeties. I think we sometimes forget how many young people cannot attend college at all, or whose only choice is the local community college.

I’m sorry she didn’t see the full ride as winning the lottery —- we certainly did — but I’m relieved she was able to make a life for herself there and do well academically too.

59

Both my kids found safeties that were excellent for their major, but a rung down the ladder for overall selectivity. My younger son actually liked his safety better than some of his reachier colleges and if he’d been 100% sure he’d stick with that major (he did) might have gone there. It didn’t hurt that they also threw a lot of money at him.

60

You know, the “message” here on CC is soooo different from what I observed IRL. I’ve known almost every senior who graduated from our HS for the last 4-6 years. Everyone (parents, GCs, friends) has beaten into the kids’ head so much that they have no chance at any of the top schools, may as well don’t even try, and the majority didn’t.

It is very typical to see kids in our area applied to 8-10 safeties and maybe 1 or 2 reaches, or none at all. I’ve seen so many average intelligent kids applied to so many safeties (>=50% acceptance rate) that i was just asking myself WHY??? So much time and effort. For bragging right or for what? I look at the FB page every day and i can’t help but scratching my head: Typically: 7/7, 10/10 acceptances - then the list of schools. This morning, my friend posted 12 out of 12 acceptances. And i was like, why? Of course she would get into those schools! Her SAT was above 1450 with 4.0 GPA unweighted with a ton of APs. And I am only talking about the relatively smart kids here. And I know ALL of them!

Maybe about top 5% of the kids in our schools actually go against the GCs’s advice and applied to reaches, and high reaches. Those that applied usually got good results.

Like it has pointed out, what you have seen on CC is a spec of real life. And people usually shared the extremes and not the norm. And people LOVE to repeat the extremes to scare the kids.

What I would love to see more is the encouragement - give the kids a realistic picture, but also tell them the only way to not getting anywhere is NOT to apply, and encourage them to separate themselves via their essays. By the time they apply their grades and ECs are what they are, they don’t have much control over it. But they have full control of presenting themselves via the application. And the essay is where they can shine, despite what their stats are. I’ve known a kid got got into Harvard with no EC and B+ GPA and 1300’s SAT. When I read her essay I was sobbing. I am sure the Harvard’s application reviewer cried too.

For my next kid - lesson learned for me would be to apply to Rutgers and Penn State as safeties, the rest should be reaches. Both of my kids love Penn State, they always said that if PSU is the only school they got accepted to, they would be happy and content. For their stats the only way for them not to get in to PSU is to have a really horrible essay or made some really horrible mistakes in the application. And we are smart enough to make sure that it doesn’t happen.

I also heard about the one kid at our school that applied to all reaches and didn’t get in to any - and oh boy people loved talking about him years after years as a scare tactic for other kids to not even try for reaches, and it works!