So myself, my two sisters and our mother got invited to our cousin’s wedding two months ago. We are not close AT ALL with him (let’s call him Kenny), for no specific reason at all, but the few times we’ve interacted with him he seems like a very nice and cool guy. While we were at our church for the regular service, he, along with our other family members on his side of the family (which we also don’t like and are not close with) came inside the church to have a memorial for the 1-yr anniversary of my aunt’s husband’s death (myself, sisters, and my mom were not invited; we hate our aunt because of a long history of shady s**t she did to our mom and our family that I don’t want to get into). After the service, he made small talk with us and was very enthusiastic and happy to see us again, which I was surprised by. It’s always a little uncomfortable talking to any of our relatives because of my mom’s bad relationship with them, but he was so nice that I decided to entertain his small talk.
I was still a little suspicious about why he was being so talkative and nice to us, and then he proved my suspicions: he then informally invited us to his wedding. A few weeks later he sent us the formal invitation. We didn’t RSVP for the wedding until the deadline because we had a long, arduous conversation with our mother about going to this wedding. My mother hates his mother because my mom and her family have done alot for Kenny, his siblings, and his mother in the past, such as providing food and shelter for them, our grandmother babysat them when they were younger, etc. only for Kenny’s mom to be completely unappreciative, even introducing our deadbeat father to another woman, whom he later married. So because of this my mom has alot of resentment for Kenny’s family. She kept saying that she was completely okay with us going to the wedding (which by her body language she was not), but she said that she herself will not go. It put us in an awkward position because my sisters and I don’t have a problem personally with Kenny (my mom doesn’t have a problem with him either), so why should I not attend Kenny’s wedding because of his mother’s poor actions?
We RSVP’d that we would attend, and their wedding is this Saturday. Today, as I was getting ready to go to the bank to get money for the wedding gift ($50), I told my mom, who was busy cooking, that me and my other sister would give each $50 and my oldest sister was going to give $100. She immediately, without hesitation, said that I should not give money at all, being that I’m a broke college student. Then she said that my oldest sister shouldn’t even give $100, that she and my sister together can give $100 for the gift and that’s it. She also made a good point by saying that Kenny never gave any money to our family for our grandmother’s death, even though when we randomly saw him at church, he remembered how “close” he used to be with our grandmother and how she babysat them (so you’re close to my grandma but can’t give any money to her funeral, even though you are a nurse and your soon-to-be wife is a doctor?). Then she made another point by saying that my other cousins, who are also my age and in school, will most likely not be giving a gift, which is what they have done at other events. So as of now I have decided to not give him and his fiance a gift. At this point I don’t want to attend the wedding anymore, but I RSVP’d and my mom is adamant that I still go because I already RSVP’d and it would be wrong to stay home since they already payed for my dinner plate, etc. I want to stay home out of respect for my mother also, but she won’t let me lol. My question is: do you think it’s right for me to not give a gift, being that Kenny just came out of the woodwork and we are not even that close? Was it a mistake for me to RSVP in the first place? Would it be wrong or right to not go at all? Thank you for taking the time out to read this long post lol 