Has anyone ever been in a situation where they are not excited about returning to school for their senior year?
Just some background: I went to a college close to my high school. This worked out great for my freshman year as my friends from high school would come home to visit and they got to know my college friends. This group of a mix of both guys and girls. Eventually, some rifts began to develop in this friend group as some split off into couples who fought with each other all the time. This resulted in me losing not only my best friends from high school, but also many of my new friends from college. Needless to say it was not pretty and I haven’t talked to many of them since.
2nd year was great, I lived with one of my friends and his roommates and it worked out. We all became friends and I put freshman year and many of those people behind me. I had fun and completely forgot about the past. Junior year was the same way, until about two months before this past summer.
One of the girls I spent a lot of time with during freshman year reached out to me and wanted to reconnect. I will admit that I had a crush on her back then but I never acted on it and I have dated multiple women since then. I told her that it probably wasn’t a good idea because of the past, and she understood.
But after that I began to have “nightmares” about the past and what I could have done differently etc. Ever since then now I feel closed in by the campus. It is such a strange feeling. I am not panicked or having an episode or anything. It is just a nagging dislike of being there. Some nights, instead of going out with friends, I just wanted to spend the night alone. I would do work, watch TV, or go for a drive instead of going out. Many times I would force myself to do things socially. This never affected my work or anything academic. I will be honest, I couldn’t wait to come home at the end of the year and the summer was awesome. I completely forgot about the problems I had those couple of months. Seeing my friends off the campus was no problem.
But after moving back last week for senior year. I feel the same strange feeling coming back. The last couple of nights I have forced myself to go out with friends. But tonight I decided I should just stay in. I went for a walk and now I am writing this. I really don’t know what this feeling is. I wake up go to classes, have a good social life, but I am just not excited about being back. In some ways, I cannot wait until May comes and I can get out of here.
Has anyone ever experienced anything like this before? Sorry for this long post but any thoughts would be great.