not excited about the choice about to be made - too far away

Parents Forum
1

The button my kid is about to push (90%, he says) is to commit to UIUC Engineering in the fall. Why I’m not excited is obvious: he is going away. Why he is not excited - he says he would only have been excited about MIT. Even before the applications started, he said if not MIT (he knew perfectly the chances were slim) he’d go anywhere, UMass or BU would be fine. I still insisted to make a list of good engineering schools and apply there. We are on the East Coast (Boston area). The other choices he has include UMass Amherst Honors, BU, RPI, WPI and Purdue (but not CoE, College of Science Biochemistry), and something else that doesn’t matter now. He didn’t apply to any private reaches except for MIT.

UIUC clearly stands out in terms of what he can learn. I can’t really say “you can get the same education at UMass as there”, and push him to UMass which is the 10%. I know it’s his decision. I also know that there have been times in my life when I would have really really benefited from a grownup advice for my college and profession. I would definitely have been better professionally.

If it were me I would be jumping for joy and packing to go to UIUC. I would not have been afraid that I might feel homesick (I know now that goes away if you study something that interests you), that I might get stuck in an airport overnight (happened to me in my college years a couple times in snowstorms, forgot completely until my parents reminded me recently), I would not be afraid the dorm would be bad (mine was like I’m sure would have been closed in the US by a health organization immediately), and basically nothing else would stop me from being happy to go to the top #2 program in my major. I don’t know why I’m afraid any of that would happen to him, and why I think it could matter to him.

He will go and he will be happy in the end. As much as I know him. If I’m wrong, it’s not the end of the world. I’m pretty sure he’ll be able to transfer to one of the UMass campuses. Also, as much as I know him he won’t be re-thinking his decision before May 1. I honestly think this is the best choice. I feel that now when it’s 90% decided I have to help him to get excited about UIUC again (he was when the acceptance came). How do I do that? Has anybody else been in a similar position, reluctant to commit because of the distance from home? Am I completely wrong? Sorry, I know I should “stop being such a mom” like my younger keeps joking, and for my second “mom survival” topic on this forum. Still would be grateful for any thoughts…

2

My son decided at the very last second not to leave the state of Florida. That being said, the program that he went to in Florida was arguably stronger (though not significantly so) and it was just a better decision in many ways on multiple levels.

How does your son feel about Mass? Does it seem like he could be happy there? Is it an ABET-certified program?

UIUC is very good from what I hear, if that’s any consolation. But it may or may not be the best thing for him and your family. As you point out, though, he could probably transfer to UMass if things didn’t work out.

I went OOS for college myself. If you did, too, you know the downsides. But there are good things as well. There is no right or wrong answer. Wishing you and your son the best of luck!

3

He does have direct admission to his engineering major at UIUC, right?

If he is undeclared in DGS, it will be hard to get into an engineering major later.

Also, affordable?

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^^direct admission would definitely get priority consideration for us.

5

What makes you think UIUC stands out for engineering in his acceptances?

6

Why were RPI and WPI ruled out?

7

Yes he is admitted to MatSe Eng which was his first choice. He seems to know exactly what he wants to do with biomaterials.

I went to school in another country (we are first generation immigrants), at the time when there was no skype :), and I went to a post office to call home using tokens every week on Sundays. No phones in the dorms. I wrote letters, too. 2.5 hours flight home. I remember wanting to go back to college after vacation. The college I went to was not comparable to the local ones.

8

Are all of these out of state public universities and privates affordable.

Still not sure I think UIUC is a stand out for engineering.

9

I thought that UIUC was really strong in engineering. It sounds like he knows what he wants to do and picked the right department for that.

These days, distance is not so bad. With cell phones, they can call you all the time.

My S has a MatSci engineering degree, and so does his fiancé. They have great jobs. MSE is a small field and S went to a school that had a strong department. Usually not many graduates in these, I think they had around 30 and it was one of the bigger numbers in the country. Companies knew of their program and everyone had a job at graduation.

Believe that your S has picked the best school for what he wants to do. It sounds like he has a good idea and that is great.

Edited to say, for a kid who is looking into MSE, they will have a particular set of schools to apply to. My kid applied to schools no one on CC would have thought were great but they were for what he wanted to major in.

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If UIUC is not great in eng (it is) there are going to a lot of ticked off internationals @! UIUC.

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I too was wondering why some of the other schools were nixed. I am very familiar with RPI and I can tell you its a great college experience. There is nothing more fun that an RPI hockey game! The students sit together and have a blast! The greek life is vibrant as well. For engineering, RPI is highly respected. If the city of Troy turned you off, take another look. Its really not so bad and endearing and filled with history once you get to know it. The downtown area has some really great bars/pubs.

And if you son does go far away, remember its just for two four month stints each year! If you are close to Boston I’m sure Logan has some quick, affordable plane tickets as well.

12

FWIW my S went to college about a half hour from home and never came back other than school breaks. Once they are settled and happy their life is pretty much centered at the college.

And I think your assessment is on point. It sounds like he has determined that UIUC is the best school for his particular area of interest and it is highly likely he will be very happy there (and if not you will deal with it).

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OP, is it possible to make a trip to UIUC now that he’s (almost) set to go there? I think once he sees the campus – alive with students – hangs out in a popular eatery, sees the facilities, walks through the student center – and it hits him this fun youthful bubble will be his home for 4 years – that might get him to be really excited.

14

I’m relatively new here, so forgive me if you addressed this in another thread but has he visited UIUC? While I can’t address any of the school specifics, I will answer your question about reluctance to commit based on distance from home. My D did not want to be near home but for the most part, wanted to been the East Coast where we live. Last year for fun, we went out to the West Coast during spring break and looked at several schools. Husband’s entire family is on west coast, D has been there to visit many times over the years. She applied to two LAC of the schools we looked at and the rest of the schools she applied EA and were here on the East Coast. She got wait listed at her top 2 schools, #1 was a reach and #2 surprised us with the wait listing as she had all the stats plus it’s my alma mater. She got in everywhere else. That left her with two choices just 30 mins away that were safeties, and two down south that we’d never visited (one, CoC, we had been to Charleston but never the school - she knew she loved the location when she applied). She got rejected from #1, got in to #2, but while waiting on FA info, we flew down to CoC. She didn’t love it, but liked it. I could tell she was anxious b/c she had said multiple times, the only other option she would consider was on the West Coast and she was worried it was too far. I know she was hugely let down about not liking CoC. In the meantime, the FA info came from #2 and merit aid was not enough to make it acceptable to us. I was silently getting worried. Less than a week after CoC, she flew to the West Coast with H and did a shadow day with a student. Halfway through the day, she sent me a text saying “I’m ready to commit!” Phew! Even though she had seen the school a year ago on a regular tour, it was experiencing a day there, in classes, at a panel discussion and then an informal afternoon with a few students, that made her feel comfortable. One of the questions I told her to ask - “how often do kids go home?” and “what is life like here on the weekends?” They knew that she was from the East Coast and reassured her - they only go home for the major holidays and maybe one of the short breaks, but they all said, “When we are home, after a few days, we can’t wait to get back to school!”

If he has the opportunity, have him go visit now. See if they have a program where he can spend a day shadowing a student in his major and asking questions about social life, what there is to do on weekends, do students go home a lot, etc. I went to school four hours from home in NYC. No car to get home so it was train or fly. I only came home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Never went home for spring break - always went somewhere with friends.

All that said, I’m still a wee bit sad she will be so far away. She is very excited now. She just got back earlier this week and has been asking daily if we can put down her deposit-tonight is the night for us.

Good luck with his decision.

15

UIUC is in the top 10 in the US for MatSci.

@aandaparent, have you seen the site grown & flown? lots of fellow travelers there.

And, [url=<a href=“https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/c0/d3/a1/c0d3a19484b3773c317994203bb328c4.jpg%5Dthis%5B/url”>https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/c0/d3/a1/c0d3a19484b3773c317994203bb328c4.jpg]this[/url] is a little bit what it is like suddenly pulling out of being immersed in your kid’s life. pro-tip: plan something really diverting for about a week after your kid has left for college (we did a mom of just-flowns beach-week…now it’s an annual thing & highly recommended).

16

UIUC is an EXCELLENT school for engineering. Anyone who says otherwise does not know what they are talking about. It might not be the right choice for OP’s son but there is no doubt it is an excellent choice to have.
Best of luck OP.

17

“I feel that now when it’s 90% decided I have to help him to get excited about UIUC again (he was when the acceptance came)”

I would not try to help him get excited about UIUC at this point…it seems like he is still processing the decision. If they are both affordable to you and him I would make sure he has visited both choices but let it be up to him. He might think it seems more “glamourous” to go to UIUC even though maybe he would prefer to be closer to home. Just tell him to make the right decision for him.

Once he pushes the button, by the sweatshirts and get one for yourself and be joyous about telling others about whatever choice he has made.

18

Doesn’t U MASS Amherst have materials science engineering? With the honors program (do students get priority registration for courses?), that seems like a sweet deal. I also wonder about why some of the tech schools in the east were eliminated. Is cost a factor? I would think that UIUC would be costly for OOS.

19

@aandaparent I understand completely. Although we live only an hour from UIUC and my D17 will be majoring in engineering, she’ll end up either in Alabama or Maryland. It’s purely a financial thing and I’ve been supportive all the way but, oh, it will be hard to see her go when we know she could have gotten a great education so close to home!

Our D15 is a sophomore at an east coast school, and it was hard when she left. We only have the two girls, so now both of them will be a plane ride away. If you find a good way to occupy yourself while adjusting to the empty nest, let me know. :-bd

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@thumper1, the ranking… It’s #6 engineering program and #2 in Matetials. USNews says it’s peer ranking. Someone I know is a physics professor at BU. I asked him about BU and UIUC. The answers I got made me think peer ranking matters. He looked only at faculty and research to give his opinion. I also compared bios from Purdue Chemistry department and UIUC MatSe. I looked at the classes UIUC MatSe offers. The titles made me want to go study myself.
I’d like to leave the cost as the last consideration. We can pay for UIUC OOS. It won’t be easy,as I mentioned we just started working in the US about 10 years ago. He will work summers, and he’s got some earned money now.

Why excluded… RPI- don’t know why. Troy is not the reason, there is no reason I can think of. He liked it when we visited.

I personally think he would greatly enjoy working on projects at WPI, but I also think UIUC is better, and considerably, in his area. I would be completely happy if he wanted to go to WPI. MA employers love WPI, and with good reasons.

He seemed to have made a decision. I don’t think he did enough research though, it was more like OK, it’s a great school and I will go there. I don’t think he compared the programs. That is the problem, I guess, on one hand, I’m afraid that he didn’t compare all the options, on the other hand, when he has a great one, do I really need to push him to look into others? It’ll look like I’m trying to make him go somewhere else.

Pulling my hair out why we didn’t include say Penn State for Chemical Eng. He looked at VA Tech and decided not to apply. He did check the list against Naviance. Too late now, but Brandeis would have been good for biochemistry (not engineering). He didn’t want to apply.

@bopper, "He might think it seems more “glamourous” to go to UIUC even though maybe he would prefer to be closer to home. " - totally possible. UMass sounds like settling when his friends are going to CMU and Johns Hopkins. They weren’t better students, and he did not want to apply to CMU and JH - I had suggested them. He admits there is peer pressure about it.

I offered visiting, he refused.

happy1, thank you!

collegemom3717, now I’m laughing.