I am so sorry for what you are going through, and @Nrdsb4, too, how sad for her DH. I have also had one of those worst ever years, that I just can’t wait to end. It seems that so much of the holiday celebration falls to women, and I agree with @Midwest67’s analysis. Do only what you need to do, and no more, and don’t feel guilty. If possible, even go on a short trip over Christmas, though that’s not always feasible, of course.
Fortunately my husband does almost all the Christmas prep now, and he likes it. I just have to do the cooking and presents, and now I’m going to do minimal presents. But since my kids are older, if he didn’t do the work, it wouldn’t get done. Just not into it anymore.
I’m so sorry and agree to just do what you can and don’t sweat the rest. I’ve had many “down” Decembers since my dad unexpectedly passed away on Christmas Day years ago, and I find that doing anything, something, on my less down days helps me get at least some things done. I focus on being thankful I’m around to spend another holiday with my kids and other family members. But definitely, some years are just crap and the new year offers the hope of better days ahead.
I too feel a bit less festive this year than normally. Maybe it is just all the cash I am spending on college. OUCH! I am way behind on decorations also. Just have not been in the mood.
@lje62, agree with everyone else who is saying that you should take care of yourself. Have gotten better recently at absenting myself from situations that are making me miserable. It’s a hard lesson.
@Nrdsb4, I am so sorry to hear about your brother.
Am also in the category of considering 2017 an annus horribilis on so many fronts.
@lje62 and @Nrdsb4 , just want to add my own virtual hugs to you both and anyone else experiencing loss or sadness this season. I agree, taking care of yourself is so important.
OP- don’t worry at all about the holidays. If others want things it is up to them to do it. Perhaps they’ll come through and make your season better. If not, it wasn’t worth the time you would have spent. The world will not come to an end if you skip the holiday stuff. All will do fine without the usual gifting. The decision to not do things this year will not prevent you from doing them again in the future. HAVE NO GUILT.
I used to manage a secular Christmas when son was young. H from India did not know the traditions et al. It got to be too much work for too little appreciation or help. Doing none of the usual this year may be the needed wake up call to the rest of your family. A time to reevaluate, to realize how much of the burden you have been bearing. It could be a “blessing in disguise”.
January is coming. We will all survive this month. As others said- take care of yourself.
Not in the spirit at all either. Too many memories of Xmas when we were married. Yes ex was a real piece of work but at least we had the semblance of an intact family.
I was thinking that I felt sad for all the people not into the season, then DH starting bugging me about the tree. Historically we’ve always done the tree the day after Thanksgiving, but DD went and had a baby that week. I had no interest in spending time on a tree. He proceeded to bug me all week to buy a tree, so we went to town and bought one, sight unseen, at Costco, it’s now been in a bucket for 4 days! And he’s bugging me to put it up. Why is it such a big deal to him? Why am I so resistant? Oh, now i get it, This is the third Christmas in a row where I am not into it, where all the work just feels like work not fun. It’s just been a bit over two years of some intense life stuff where I just feel tired, weary, and not excited about all the extra work. Now I feel sad about me!
Do I like the tree when it’s up? Sure! Do I like the whole process of getting it, getting it in the tree holder, decorating, cleaning up after it, and reversing it all in a few weeks. NO.
I’ve never been a holiday girl. I will enjoy certain things about it - seeing more family, the lights everywhere, the food…
the spirit of believing - in whatever. But truth be told, I’m THRILLED when it is January 10 and life gets back to all things NOT holiday!
And @somemom , our Costco tree is in our garage in a bucket too! Only difference is that my H isn’t pushing to get it up cause he hates that part to - and all he does is trim the bottom and haul it in the house!
For the first time, we are using an artificial tree, and I have to say I really appreciate the convenience (especially given that we’re in a NYC apartment).
Sometimes I feel a little “ping” of something when I hear the Salvation Army crew on the corner, caroling, or see a window display.
I just feel like the last thing my family needs is more stuff. And what I need is a vacation.
After last year’s scraggly tree (the one I didn’t decorate) I looked and looked for an artificial tree (my sister has a beautiful one). But just before Thanksgiving the trees arrived at local home store --and I really got the prettiest tree I’ve had in probably 10 years. I love it. Now wishing there would be more kin here to appreciate it with me. It’s up and even the lights seemed to go up fast this year.
I’m supposed to be decorating the rest as we speak. I’ve literally got mess spread everywhere, upstairs and down.
Not exactly festive looking!
Every time I open a box I ask myself “Do I REALLY need to put this out?” I put half back.
So right now, I’m only putting out the best “memory” items. The traditional “gotta have” stuff.
(which is better than last year by far where Christmas almost passed us by…)
I’m sorry the season is difficult for so many people, I think we all have our “years” of course but my heart goes out to those who are having a truly bad time. I spent today lugging everything up from the basement and decorating the house. I started throwing lots of stuff away and mentally recording what’s going away during the clean-up phase. Its the first year in 7 without a significant other/spouse in the picture and I’ll be downsizing in the spring to a place that is far too small for my normal 7-8’ tree and tubs of decorations. So it was bittersweet today, bringing back memories of 35 years in this house. I really got the “empty nest” feeling today too although D gets home from school in two weeks and S will fly home to be with us as well. So, I"ll pour myself a drink, put some Christmas tunes on and bury myself in memories and then I’ll move on. Life is too short to spend any real time wallowing in whatever this feeling is.
Even with the snowfall in the last 24 hours, I’m still not feeling it. The thought of the remaining shopping I have to do is really stressing me out. One of our daughters is such a pain in the a@@ about gift suggestions for her. Don’t feel like being a magician this year either
@lje62 Finish shopping online. If you are stuck for your daughter, give her a check or gift cards for some dinners out and call it a day if she is so difficult. If she finds it impersonal, maybe she’ll be more helpful with letting her wants and needs be known next year.
@lje62 I have a kid like that also. Some of it (I think) is that they are uncomfortable with receiving presents or feel unworthy. And they are super control freaks who need to control even what they get as gifts. Sigh. Many years even though I thought I bought what I thought they wanted, the gifts would go back so they could buy what they now wanted.
I give up. This year I wrote a check. Not happy but it’s too hard. For me and them.
I am not stressing out about gifts this year. We just experienced the worst fires in our area this past week and many lost their homes. We were fortunate not to be that close to the destruction but close enough to know and see it as it was happening. That there was only one fatality in 150,000+ was a miracle in itself. It was a reminder of what’s really important.
I don’t know if I’m in the spirit or not, but am certainly having a hard time. My husband is working and living out of state. Even though I’ve always done most of the decorating and prep, he’s tackled certain pieces of it, and he also gets such a kick out of everything that we feed off each other. That’s long-distance now.
Our puppy is a year old. I’ve mostly single parented her and am still fried. She’s a buoyant extrovert and I’m . . . see my user name. Household is just her and me, so it gets a little much for both of us sometimes. We do both love going outside, though, and we do that a lot when we’re starting to get on each others’ nerves.
My mother broke her wrist in early November. She’s healing really well and her spirits are good. But she can’t write and can’t do much of the food prep that’s so much a part of this time of year for us. So I’m a little overwhelmed helping more than usual with her day-to-day things as well as the heavy lifting on holiday prep. Yesterday I took care of both her holiday cards and our own. Up next is helping make kielbasa from scratch.
We have company coming, which makes me really happy. Both sons and at least one of the girlfriends will be here (other will probably make it up at some point, too). And one of the girlfriends is an only child, so her parents are coming here too, from well out of state. Lovely people – we got to know each other while the kids were at school and really like them. Between all of us, though, there’s pre-diabetese, lactose intolerance, celiac, and multiple life-threatening food allergies. I’ve been menu planning for about a month now.
It’s all fun, actually, and I’m so lucky at how well things are going. I just feel like everything is barreling at me and I won’t be able to keep up with it.
