This year has been hands down the most difficut and challenging one of my entire life. It was filled with multiple family issues that made me question a lot of things about myself and my relationships , including with the most important person in my life, my husband.
While much has improved , I just don’t feel excited at all about Christmas this year. The good news is that everyone will be home ( and there was a stong possibility that one of my daughters would not be because of choice )
I have barely shopped and what I have done is pretty much is just going through the motions.
I have no interest in decorating and have chosen to not attend or host holiday events that we do every year.
I really just want 2017 to just be over with
I never really understood the concept of how people don’t enjoy the season until this year
@lje62 you feel what you feel. Don’t fight it. It’s been a rough year and you’ll be glad to put it behind you. Go through the motions that you feel you have to, maybe keep it simple and stick to the traditions that mean the most for you, ring in the new year and move on. It’s okay. The gift for Christmas this year may be simply hope and the good chance that 2018 will be better.
@lje62, sending you a virtual hug.
Mix it up. Don’t go to the same parties but go to other ones or do something entirely different like go out to a restaurant, work at a facility that needs help, give gift cards and spend the time after Dec 25th shopping together, going to a broadway show, to a comedy show or something everyone has always wanted to do but you couldn’t justify the money. Eat at that fancy restaurant. Do a carriage ride or boat trip or whatever tourists do in your area.’’
My sister and her daughter have done a few of those Sip and Paint classes, and some of the Christmas themed ones are really quite good. Now their home looks different at Christmas.
@lje62 - I’ve never been a fan of the holidays, I’ve never understood them, and I’ve never enjoyed them. Thank you for sharing, it’s not easy to say out loud what a lot of people feel during the holidays. I can’t wait til December is over.
Sometimes, it really helps do do something nice for yourself, first. Something that validates you. Not all the “thems” we’re supposed to focus on. You first. Best wishes.
It’s certainly very normal to feel that way, so don’t feel bad. When I find I’m like that some seasons, I don’t try to force the feeling, but need to go through the motions for everyone else…really my kids. Decorating becomes just a regular chore, so I treat it like that. Oftentimes, I find I get the spirit towards the end of the season, usually after I watch a beloved movie while wrapping presents. Many of us feel this way all the time, and try to create a new holiday ‘normal’. I wouldn’t concern yourself about it this year. Just say to yourself your feeling are what they are, and don’t let yourself get depressed about it. Just do the things you have to do and it will be over in 3 weeks. Hugs to you, I’ve been there several times.
@lje62 - I’ve had those years and I’m sorry you are having one now. I went thru the motions of the seasons and found the spirit here or there. I too get what you are saying. Be kind to yourself. Hugs.
One year we had a snowstorm at Christmas (but didn’t lose power) and we ended up binge watching Netflix together for several days straight as a family. One of the best holidays ever.
Maybe something like that, with no prep or pressure (don’t even need to change out of PJs if you don’t want) could be an option?
My grandfather died right before Christmas, and after that my grandmother refused to celebrate or decorate for the holiday. It made me so sad as a kid, because nobody took the time to explain to me why she now behaved like this. There are years where I don’t super get into the season (either Christmas or, my favorite, Halloween), but I do try and do enough so that the people around me aren’t freaked out.
Right now it’s the first year I am putting the ornaments on the tree by myself (the girls used to help but one’s at college now and one works crazy hours and is a senior in hs). I’m finding it’s slow going, and I’m doing better by waiting until my H is home and in the same room with me, giving me encouragement. I’m also not trying to do it all at the same time because it makes me miss older D. Just a few at a time, then I move on to other things.
What I’m trying to say is maybe it’s not so good to abandon traditions, but maybe adapt them to what works for you this year. Socializing even when you don’t feel like it usually turns out to be worth it, but maybe just do the one that’ll be the least stressful for you.
Although it hasn’t been the worst year by far, I am being sandwiched with issues right now from both my parent and my child. I have also been cleaning out my house and throwing out stuff like crazy. So, between not wanting to buy any stuff or get any stuff, and my loved ones having problems right now, I think it would be easy to write off the holidays. But I love Christmas and my birthday is during the holiday. My plan is to do what we always do (although some traditions will have to change this year due to family moving). The one exception, is that I am cutting out much of the shopping (lots of gift cards under the tree this year)
@lje62 --sending you virtual hugs. I have been there. Most of the worst things in my life seem to have occurred in November or December. Because of others, I went through the motions, but mostly I hugged myself to myself with as little “social” interaction as possible. I found moments where I felt the season, but in a sad way. Sometimes just looking at the lit up tree late at night. Sometimes not. As others have said, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. And come back here if you need to talk any time.
Yes, hugs to you @lje62. The holidays lost a lot of their glow for me several years ago when I started to question just what I was going through all these motions for. I found myself saying, “Time to put up the Christmas crap again.” I keep up appearances and try for cheer for the sake of my son and husband who love this time of year. My very best and closest cousin died of cancer a few days before Christmas two years ago, and that’s what December now brings to mind. I don’t have an answer for you. What a lot of us are feeling sounds like depression, and the treatment for that is not another “cheerful” event. I think @rom828 is right: Be kind to yourself. It’s OK to feel like you do. You will have your family with you. IMO, that’s really what’s important. Try to enjoy them and give yourself a pass on the rest.
Wishing you a much, much better 2018.
In the Thanksgiving thread, I talked about my DH losing his brother; it was totally unexpected and traumatic, as DH found him dead in his bed. The past two weeks has been very rough on the family. This morning I learned that my brother passed away late last night.
I had already decorated the house a couple of days ago-knowing my DH was feeling sad and depressed, I lugged all the boxes out and did the whole thing myself. I’m glad I did, because I sure don’t feel like doing it now.
Somehow we will find a way to capture some measure of the holiday spirit, if only for our daughters and our young nephew, who going forward will be spending all of his dad’s visitation times at our home. He is only 13, so we want to create a happy environment for him.
It’s tough, though. My sympathies to all who are struggling with loss or hardship this season.
Wow! Deaths of beloved relatives surely would put a damper on good feelings. So sorry for your losses @Nrdsb4 and others who are having challenges and sorrow.
I’m sorry you have had such a tough time. BTDT.
My observation is it often falls upon a woman to “make” an occasion. Christmas. Thanksgiving. Someone’s birthday. Someone’s graduation. When going through tough times, it can just be too. much.
I’ve found it VERY helpful to ask myself, “Okay. What’s the MINIMUM I need to do, in order to call this “Christmas” (insert any celebratory occasion)” This little game in my head, can take something from overwhelming to managable.
One very tough year, I did not bring out any of the Xmas decorations. I picked up a wreath one day and stuck that on the door. I picked up a small table top tree and stuck that in the living room. So easy. I did dig out and put up the stockings.
For gifts? Everyone in the immediate family got one thing to open, and very modest stocking stuffers (mostly favorite snacks). I did not send out cards, and I told the siblings we were not doing gifts this year (relief for all).
I did not bake six different kinds of cookies or make any pies. I didn’t do neighbor gifts. I went to the bakery and picked up a few things. Done.
I’m writing you a permission slip to do whatever you need to do to get through this. Make it as easy as possible. The world will not stop spinning if you don’t get into the Xmas spirit.
It’s an opportunity to see what is really important to you & focus on the small blessings in our lives. Sometimes, we need to chill and lick wounds.
Just hugs to all. That is all. Lean on family and friends for more hugs. <3
@lje62 and @Nrdsb4 and all who are having a blue holiday season, I am so sorry. I have been there. It’s okay not to be joyful. I hate that this season carries so much obligation, especially for women. Even in a good year, that’s not what it’s supposed to be about.
Last year was like that for me. Got tree really late and no lights on it. Didn’t care.
Kid came home, brought some friends over and put on the lights and decorated it. Knew I was perking up when I said they put the lights on wrong… 
@Nrdsb4 —I am so , so sorry for your family’s losses. My sincerest condolences.