Not ready for this.

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I am really crying. My younger D is a senior- which is wonderful- she has grown so much & I am so proud of her.
But.
As some of you may have read from past posts, she had a lot of challenges growing up, which means that I had a lot of challenges, and frankly while I know all of our kids grow up fast, I was so overwhelmed for years, that I didn’t get to enjoy her the way I would have liked, and she went from being 7 months old to 7 years old to 14 faster than I could believe & at the end of the month she will be 18. :frowning: :frowning: :(</p>

<p>Both of our girls have been very busy, summers, we have never been able to take more than a few short camping trips because of their schedule, ( and Hs forced work schedule), which is one reason why I chose to keep my schedule as conflict free possible in order to maximize family time.</p>

<p>Last year we didn’t even have a summer trip- and this summer she will again be gone working at the residential camp, then leaving for Ghana for almost two months to teach/volunteer
Then she leaves for NCCC- which is a residential Americorps program- her sister did CityYear, but she came home every night.</p>

<p>D#2 will be in training for a month in one state, then they will be driving across country helping where along the way & undoubtably spending lots of time helping in NOLA. This will be for 10 months so she will not be home till July
( although they do get some breaks- they are very short- think bank holidays- and not enough time or money to see her - I may get H & I some volunteer work in NOLA at the same time she will be there- it sounds like they still need years of help and I already have the sturdy boots ;))</p>

<p>I don’t mean just to be whinging, I know this is what she planned & I think that it is a great opportunity and certainly a better position to be in than choosing between schools you didn’t want to apply to in the first place :p</p>

<p>But lawdy- I don’t know what is spring fever and what is premenopausal hysteria :o</p>

<p>Why are we made so that our bodies remind us that our parenting time is winding down at the same time that we already have proof of that by the boxes on the porch?
Thanks but I really don’t need to be hit in the head to get it.
:(</p>

<p>I think if my H hadn’t been fixed, I would want a change of life baby.
::Sigh:::</p>

<p>* I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you guys to complain to- probably wouldn’t be able to come out from under the table in Sinner’s alley------- by the way- where is Curmudge? he was going to get me a fresh drink! *</p>

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<p>I just went through my first Mother’s Day with my son away at college.</p>

<p>It blindsided me…didn’t occur to me until late afternoon.</p>

3

<p>Me too, Cottonwood! And there are hundreds of us in the same boat. It didn’t really bother me too much, though, because D will be home in less than a week. And, she did call me which was lovely. She said she has been too busy to mail the card she made me, so she will bring it home next week. It’s really just a Hallmark Holiday anyway. ** sniff**</p>

4

<p>Thats good that you were busy- I really don’t mind Mothers day so much as it is an “artificial” holiday, but it is really hard not being with them on their birthdays ( & my older D did call me- but my phone was in the house , she is coming up at the end of the month though)</p>

<p>First times are the hardest though- because it is so different.
Will he be coming home soon for summer break?</p>

<p>D & I went out to dinner by ourselves, since H had to get up at midnight to go to work ( which he forgot to tell me)
& she actually let me tell the story ( again) about when I was in the hospital for Mothers day just a few weeks before she was born. They had to turn her and because I have a septum dividing the uterus, they had to push really hard and make her do a somersault instead of sideways, so they would let me eat the night before. ( they had already turned her the previous week, but she flipped back)
So they turned her, kept me until about 10pm when they brought me some leftover jello- what is it about hospitals and jello?- it part of some institutional food pyramid?
But they let me go home, but during the night she turned back again. I should have known this was a child, who had strong opinions!
( but at the end of the month when my water broke and I started labor, she moved into the right position- still didn’t want to come out, but I had a VBAC)</p>

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<p>Jello/hospital. I have wondered that myself.</p>

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<p>My son’s birthday was the day before Mothers Day this year. Not seeing him on his birthday bothered me, but Mothers Day didn’t. Not a big fan of Mothers Day anyway, the restaurants are too crowded and it just feels forced. But DS will be home in a week which made the birthday a lot easier.</p>

<p>Emeraldkitty, I think it’s harder for you because your girls aren’t home in the summer much either.</p>

<p>I guess you just have to picture the alternative, - what if your D hadn’t overcome her challenges, and was forced to spend the rest of her life living with you? It might sound nice now, but it’s not what you really want for her. I try to remind myself that there are many parents of disabled kids who would love to deal with the heartache of watching a child spread their wings and go off to follow their dreams. Doesn’t make our heartache any less, but it does put things in perspective. Or I try to picture myself as one of the parents of our soldiers, knowing that my child was in harm’s way 24/7. Then I feel guilty about even missing DS who is off having a blast at college!</p>

7

<p>Oh I know, I think it is just this hormonal stuff that is making it worse.
Plus my H is acting really weird lately.</p>

<p>We do have friends with kids who have lots of issues and are having to find places for them to live. There is at least a two year waiting list for some of the adult homes ( where they do go off to work, but then have like houseparents). This one young woman I am thinking of, is actually quite intelligent but NO stop and think button and while I take her from time to time because I enjoy her company, and to give her mom a break, it is frigging exhausting and I sympathize immensely.</p>

<p>I am very proud of her and I usually try and express my concerns as " my issue", not that I don’t trust her or think she is making good decisions, but I just like to know the details. Neither mine or my husbands family are ones where the kids go off far away.</p>

<p>My H has two uncles for example, that while I think they each moved out of their parents house when they were young, they moved back, then spent the bulk of their adult life living with their mother until she died.
( Kind of like the Norwegian bachelor farmers Garrison Keillor talks about):confused:</p>

<p>My sister has 5 kids, three out of high school ( one graduated college), all still living at home, although the 2nd oldest is off on a church mission.</p>

<p>So I am writing a new kind of parenting book for my family & I think that is what is making it harder.</p>

<p>But yes, even though we are having some senior burnout issues, I am very proud of her and know that she has a good head on her shoulders, more than I realize I think.</p>

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<p>EK- I’ve followed your posts over the years and know how you have worked with your daughters to navigate opportunities and complexities. As our youngest is about to graduate from high school and head to college out of state (700 miles away), I find myself misting up at the darnedest times (like in a party store yesterday buying graduation stuff-should have been fretting about the prices instead!). My daughter has had major health challenges (now stable!), and is generally a delight to live with-she is my hero. But she is ready to go and says it and demonstrates it daily. Her blossoming adulthood is palpable, at once inspiring and poignant. I think what gets me through it is celebrating her plans for herself. Your daughter is carving out a unique plan that is all her own. It will open so many doors for her and within her. This is when we need the hormones to stabilize so we can enjoy the moment. But no matter how far they are going, or what their plans are, it is the end of an era and there is grieving to be done along with the joys. Like your daughter, mine has her eyes on community service (including continuing some self funded volunteering in developing nations)and I don’t think that being home a lot during college summers will meet her personal goals. I am bracing myself already.</p>

9

<p>Well my Mother’s Day started out a bit emotional as well. My oldest D is headed off to college at the end of the summer (EK - she’s going to Reed, and I have so enjoyed and taken comfort in your posts on your opinions of Reed). She’s a great kid, with a great head on her shoulders. I feel confident she will stay strong and do great things. But I’m just so darn sad to think of her not being a part of our everyday lives. So, on Mother’s Day everyone was busy, my H off for a long run, 1 D off to her part time job, the other D off to a Peace Gathering with her friends. About noon time I just realized everyone is so busy with their own lives, I just sat on the backyard swing and cried. Later in the day they all came home and spent time planting flowers with me and took me out to dinner, so I felt a little silly about my emotional outburst earlier in the day. I’m sure it’s strongly correlated to my D flying from the nest soon. I’m so proud of her, yet somehow so sad to be left behind as she forges out in the world.</p>

10

<p>Oh.</p>

<p>It is hard, isn’t it? My great, exasperating, sensitive, blockhead son has been home for 10 days. Now he heads off for an OOS internship. It is the right thing. I hate it. Sigh.</p>

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<p>ek4 - add my support and heavy heart. D’s 20th is this weekend and the very first birthday we won’t be spending with her. She’ll be off meeting bf’s family. She’s excited and nervous! We’ll get her a couple more days before she’s back in Houston to work in a research lab. It’s been a very fast holiday.</p>

<p>I vote we all get together and come visit you for a change of scenery!</p>

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<p>I have learned to not live past about 3 months at a time. I cannot begin to think about son returning to college this fall as a junior. Yes, where has the time gone? I refuse to think ahead at this point in my life even tho I am probably the biggest control freak in the world. It has been very difficult, but the only way to cope with time flying by so quickly. The older we get, the quicker time seems to fly! Hang in there!!</p>

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<p>Road trip! We’ll make it a progressive road trip as we snake across the country to pick up our fellow CC travelers!</p>

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<p>Mafool, could we ride horses since gasoline is so high?</p>

15

<p>Next week is the girls birthdays turning 18 & 26.</p>

<p>( I wonder if that is part of it- how can I possibly be old enough to have a CHILD :confused: who is 26??? aren’t I about 32? )</p>

<p>I have a pass to a private campground ( free showers- kitchen tent- lattes :wink: )for that weekend that runs shuttles to a music festival ( sasquatch) in the hopes that I could talk them into going- since the last time we did something like that as a family, was when we used to go to Folklife together ( which is memorial day weekend).</p>

<p>Younger D was going to be the harder sell, but she just sent me her birthday list ( because going to Ghana and getting a tattoo aren’t enough lol)
the first thing she had on her list was the new CD by Blue Scholars who performed for a dance at her school & when I mentioned that they were going to perform at Sasquatch she didn’t immediately shoot it down.
( and I really don’t like much hip hop/rap but I knew since they have played at her school they passed her principals approval & they are pretty good)</p>

<p>So I have high hopes. I think it could be a blast and since both of them are generally so busy- I think they know that we won’t get a lot of opportunities to do stuff like this for a while.
PLus it is gorgeous there- I just love it.</p>

<p>Good thinking for the one day at a time- plus I have not been one to go play much but the older I get- I become more interested in having fun :D</p>

<p>('its about time- supposedly little kids laugh 400 x a day but I was more like Toby Zeigler- I am inspired by the Dalai Lama, he often has a huge smile on his face)</p>