<p>Me six on the girls as friends no girl friend thing.</p>
<p>I have 2 daughters, and I have to disagree that it’s usually up to the girl to make anything happen. My oldest still “never had a boyfriend.” Even her grandmother is beginning to ask “what’s up with that.” She blames it on me because my strict rule of “no dating until 15.” She said by then all the good ones were taken in high school. She has been in college for 6 months now, so I am not sure if I am to blame any more.</p>
<p>My D does give me every detail of new encounter, and sometimes it is too much information. I will have to remember what JHS said and ask my daughter not to tell me about every fight when she is serious with someone. I don’t think I would be very forgiving.</p>
<p>Um, parents. With all due respect, some of them might not be telling you lots because they are exploring gender identification and preference. If you keep asking the boys about girls, and vice-versa, you might be asking about the wrong team. Or not. Can’t tell. If/when they are ready to tell you, they will. </p>
<p>What IS nice is when they choose to tell stuff. I do like that, because I don’t ask.</p>
<p>I take my H’s advice to MIL to heart, “Don’t ask me questions if you don’t want to know the answers, because I WILL answer.” </p>
<p>So glad all the parents on this thread are true Listeners and not Pry-ers. It’s hard to keep that tape on my mouth. Sticky.</p>
<p>All the boys who are pigeonholed into “just friends” might be reassured that they will ultimately be the ones with the best marriages, someday. Aren’t a lot of friendships the start of great marriages? BUt getting them to morph, that’s the part the boys don’t understand. They think at that moment they need “moves” and when they don’t move, they get the blah-reward of remaining “the friend.”</p>
<p>EDIT: Thinking back, my S’s put in a lot of listening time to girls telling about how their b.f.'s mistreated them. “He sounds terrible.” “You deserve so much better than that.” “I’d never treat a girl that way.” Then one day, the boy should go and tell the girl some really sad story that she can help him with. I think that’s the screenplay they’ve recounted. My boys are all short, good listeners and witty (like their Dad) so they did put in a long time as “the friend” before romance sparked.</p>
<p>WASHDad, your junior sounds so terrific! It’s all about communication. I don’t blame you for feeling great today. You must have modeled some good listening, as a Dad and H, for him to understand all of that.</p>
<p>paying3 makes a good point. I have had conversations with DS about girls and am clear that is his preference but definitely it should be taken into consideratoin. Too true about sometimes asking questions you don’t want the answers to also. Generally speaking I don’t discuss my sex life with my kids and am good with them not sharing too much in that arena with me.</p>
<p>But sex life aside, I sometimes wish I could give them just “social advice” as readily as I’ll advise them about manners, academics, and so on. I just don’t know how to express social coaching (never have), probably because I’m not that good at it myself. When I read about others who really deeply understand their kids’ social networks, I’m impressed. Fortunately, my H has a better handle on group dynamics. For example, when they’d encounter a problem with a teacher, I’d try to counsel it as if the kid was an army-of-one; H would chime in, “Are there others in the class with the same problem?” Just a difference in upbringing that lingers today in how we listen and on occasion advise. He’s the social hound.</p>
<p>Marite, I’m joining your club too. DS had dates for dances & proms, but now is a frosh in college and never had a gf. </p>
<p>DD on the other hand… in hs but hasn’t been single since elementary school. Two long term “relationships” - one 3 1/2 years, and one 1 1/2 years that ended last week (I think). Only a 3 week break in between. Last week’s breakup was excruciating - I had to sit with her has she sobbed herself to sleep. Then when she was doing better the danged BF told her he made a mistake and wanted her back. 2 more days of “I don’t know what to do” tears. Went back to him for a couple of days, he could tell her heart wasn’t in it, and now I think it’s FINALLY over. My mom said, “She’ll find out there are other fish in the sea,” well, the sharks are already circling. Already has 2 invitations to events with different boys. I feel like I’m living in a soap opera or a bad sitcom!</p>
<p>So given the two options, I think I preferred my son and the no-relationships teenage years. Much easier on me!</p>
<p>(I echo those who “know too much” about fights with friends. DD has had issues with former friends, now she says it’s all fine, but I can hardly look them straight in the face because I’m so angry at the way they treated her!)</p>
<p>LOL. And I thought I was the only Mom in the world who was happy when (over winter break) my son was alone in his bedroom in bed with a girl. Nevermind that the door was wide open and they were sitting on the top bunk hunched over his XO Computer talking geek stuff. </p>
<p>jmmom if he’s had girlfriends before it doesn’t count. :)</p>
<p>Me 8 and I agree with JHS…the fear of being rejected is so much stronger than the desire to have a girlfriend that my son will wait for the girl to make the first move. I am hopeful since my freshman daughter told me the girls in her dorm were the ones who got the boys to socialise that my senior son will get his wish in college!</p>
<p>I think I like my D’s new boyfriend. Without going into details, she told me that she had food poisoning and he took care of her and <em>cleaned up</em> after her. And two weeks later, they are still going out. I’ve yet to meet him, but I think I’m starting to like him . . .</p>
<p>It’s the girlfriend who comes to me for advice…</p>
<p>mathmom, we’ve talked in the past about the joys of having math/science geek kids… Your post made me smile. D and her bf were best friends since soph year in hs, when she was the only girl in the computer science class. They continued to have physics and math classes together, and senior year, they started dating. Shortly after, she converted her PC to Linux! They had a tearful “break-up” at the end of the summer, as each headed to their respective schools. I knew where her heart was, and they were back together at Thanksgiving, and inseparable over break. (now, luckily they are both “IN” the same cell phone networks). So, don’t kid yourself, speaking from experience, I know that “sitting on the top bunk hunched over his XO Computer talking geek stuff” can definitely lead to things that involve a lot less talking!!!</p>