<p>My m-i-l passed away on the 1st, and while we notified immediate relatives, neighbors, and friends, she had a large rolodex full of names and addresses, many of which are for people whose names we don’t recognize, and most of whom are in other parts of the country. But, looking through the stacks of Christmas cards she’d received this year (and still had) I see a number of these names showing up.</p>
<p>So I was thinking of having a card printed with “In Celebration of the Life of Susan Smith, October 25th, 1921 – February 1st, 2012” with her picture on the front, and then inside a slightly edited and expanded version of her obituary (since the funeral and interment has already taken place) along with our names, address and phone. (H was an only child.) I’d then mail one of these to each of the people from whom she’d received a Christmas card this year or who had an entry in her roladex, but not include a personal note unless we also had some knowledge of that person.</p>
<p>But, is this the right thing to do? Would you do it differently? There seem to be more than a hundred (perhaps closer to 125) people that would get this card, so it is simply more than I can cope with writing a handwritten letter to unless I have a ghost handwriter.</p>
<p>I am sorry for your family’s loss, and I think your idea sounds very nice. You could address the fact that your MIL received a Christmas card from the person.</p>
<p>Last month, I received something very similar from a SIL of someone I really only corresponded with at Christmas. I then sent a note back thanking her for her note and expressing my sympathies .</p>
<p>Condolences on your loss. I think it’s a nice and thoughtful thing to do. If you feel you couldn’t write those many personalized notes (understandable), could you write something simple (and short) like, “Thanks for keeping in touch with Mom” or do you think that’s too tacky?</p>
<p>I am happy you are considering sending something. A couple of years ago I received a telephone message letting me know that a cousin’s wife had passed away (my cousin was already deceased). But the caller, who happened to be the sister of the deceased didn’t leave any information on how to contact her to find out about any of the arrangements. It was really frustrating.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t think it’s necessary to write to everyone in the rolodex. She may not have been in touch with some of these people for years. Some, in fact, may be deceased themselves.</p>
<p>But if you have the Christmas cards she received this year, you might want to write back to the people who sent them. And if she receives any letters from friends in upcoming months, you may want to do the same. My sister and I did this after our parents died.</p>
<p>Without the rolodex-only people, the job may be of manageable size for you. If not, could it be split among several family members?</p>
<p>I think it would be a great idea. I know that a distant relative just sent me a card about my Mom’s passing, 3 years ago. She just heard the news. We just figured the news chain would travel farther/faster than it did.</p>
<p>Arabrab, my condolences. I think it’s a wonderful idea to send the card to those who you do not know. We did something similar for a family member who had a business that took him all across the country and resulted in many friends/acquaintances who were not well-known to the family. So, we had a similar card printed up with the details and mailed one off to each person for whom we had an address in his business address book. One thing you might want to include that we did, was contact information for his next of kin, including an email address. This resulted in many wonderful emails from these business friends and acquaintances that were truly appreciated by his next of kin. Kind remembrances and stories from these individuals provided much comfort to his family members.</p>
<p>Something similar about a family member of the sender was included with a Christmas card my mom received this year. She appreciated hearing the news from the family. I think sending to the Christmas card folks (no rolodex) would suffice. My condolences to you.</p>
<p>When my mother died I had the task of calling her old friends who needed to know ASAP so that if any wanted to attend the funeral they could make plans to get there. As a result I had several precious conversations with people I’d barely known (and in one case with the son of one of those people) but who had been important in my parents’ lives. For this reason, I vote for sending a note to everyone in the Rolodex. Cross-reference with the Christmas cards, and add the “thanks for staying in touch with Mom” note to those, and get them out first. The rest of the list can go out over the course of the next month or so. Personal friends (and their families) will want to know, and business associates will (eventually) need to know.</p>
<p>Please accept my condolences. My grandmother passed away a year ago. She too had many names in her address book. (She was a prolific letter writer and never missed a birthday.). My mother did something similar to what you have described. I know my grandmother’s friends were appreciative. My mother received many letters, cards and telephone calls with many of them sharing special memories.</p>
<p>It’s a lovely idea. Did she belong to any civic or religious organizations that would have gotten the word out to members? What about neighbors or other friends? </p>
<p>I’m an only child, living 250+ miles from my widowed mom. She is quite involved with her local woman’s club & sorority alumnae group. With them it will be just a few calls to get the phone chains working.</p>
<p>I think it is a great idea, and very thoughtful. We get Christmas cards from many people, and when a year goes by without hearing from someone my wife always notices and gets concerned. It makes her feel worse I think to learn of a friend’s death after 2 years.</p>
<p>Yes, her sorority alumnae group was wonderful – four of her sorority sisters (all in their 70s or 80s) came to her memorial service, as did a number of those from the faculty at the college where she had taught. Those networks worked well, as did her church’s. </p>
<p>I think I am going to go ahead with the cards to everyone else, though I may try and find someone with nice handwriting to address all those envelopes.</p>
<p>I would write to everyone in the rolodex. My mother used to be so upset when she learned of a friend’s death down the road and not from family. “They should have let me know,” she would say. As children, we don’t know all the stories. When my mother died, I wrote to everyone that I had in her address book and I called some where there were only numbers.</p>
<p>arabrab, I think what you are planning is a good and touching idea. </p>
<p>When my father died, I went through his emails and sent a brief email to probably hundreds of people, letting them know that he died and when the funeral would be. I think I later sent out a memorial written by the National Academy of Science to the email list, which had a lot of scientists on it.</p>
<p>I think that is a good idea, arabrab. We received something similar when H’s college landlady passed away and were grateful to receive it.</p>
<p>We only send Christmas cards to out of town folks…I always say, if we see you more than twice a year, you don’t get a card. But if your MIL had the same practice, it would still work because the local folks should know already.</p>
<p>Arabrab, my condolences. I think that it is a wonderful idea. My mother (late 80s) has exchanged Christmas cards with old friends for decades, and every once in a while someone just stops corresponding, and she is left to wonder what happened to them. She would love it if she received a notice like the one you describe. Very thoughtful.</p>
<p>I cried when I had a Christmas card returned to me with “Deceased- return to sender” written over the address. I don’t know if the post office did that, or if a member of the family did it, but it seemed such a sad way to learn the news about a friend who had been very special in my childhood.</p>