<p>I’ve always heard that if you want a double-digit score on the SAT essay, you need to use three examples. My biggest personal issue with the essay portion is that I’m generally bad at finding quality examples I can link to the prompt. My writing is pretty decent and I always fill up the two pages in my practice. (I haven’t actually taken the SAT yet.)</p>
<p>Yesterday I took the College Board’s online SAT practice test. I ended up scoring a 6 with my essay (only one grader but they used a 12 for scoring the test); however, I had only written four paragraphs with two body paragraphs - one example per body paragraph. Granted, the paragraphs were really long, especially since the essay was typed and my hand wasn’t cramping up from writing as fast as possible. Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you guys think I can keep pulling off 12’s on the essay by using only two examples, as long as I have quality writing and fill up the full two pages.</p>
<p>Thank you very much in advance! :)</p>
<p>You don’t have to read this, but just in case you want to see the essay I wrote yesterday. I managed to copy and paste everything onto Word before submitting my response. (I kind of BS’d it, which is evident if you’ve ever read Ender’s Game or Brave New World haha)</p>
<p>Throughout history and the development of modern society, humans have placed an overwhelming emphasis upon the necessity of efficiency. Many have begun to question whether or not our society is overly efficiency-oriented. In various examples, people have often been more successful when allowed to accomplish tasks using their own methods. Freedom when doing tasks is crucial to the success of one’s accomplishments.</p>
<p>In the 1985 science fiction novel Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card, freedom of choice in different approaches to situations proved to be the deciding factor for the survival of the human race. The protagonist of the novel, Andrew “Ender” Wiggin is a child genius that is selected by international military forces to attend a battle school located in outer space. Young Ender is expected to develop skills that will enable him to save the world from an evil alien species called the “buggers.” After several years of training, the precocious Ender is promoted to Command School, where he is given the control of an entire galactic fleet. Ender ignores authority figures and decides to use his own developed strategies to destroy the buggers and, thus, save the human race. Without the freedom to approach the situation with his own methods, Ender would not have been able to succeed.</p>
<p>As demonstrated in Aldous Huxley’s novel Brave New World, freedom can play a huge role in individual success. In Brave New World, the world is a futuristic dystopia in which all humans are conditioned from birth to live in accordance to a set of principles. These principles are designed to maintain the stability and happiness throughout the society. However, individualism no longer exists, as everyone obeys the same regulations and are not allowed to search for beauty and truth. Helmholtz Watson, a major character in the novel that has a passion for writing, is banished to an island because the literature he produces is too controversial. However, once he relocates to the island, he finds true happiness as he is able to write whatever he likes. Watson becomes truly happy and successful with his writing because he is not limited by the restrictions of the government.</p>
<p>After a careful analysis of the presence of the “freedom of approach” in the literary works of Orson Scott Card and Aldous Huxley, one can see that such freedom is indeed crucial to the success of both individuals and humanity itself. Without freedom to approach different situations in ways not generally accepted, people can’t come up with creative solutions to a myriad of possible problems. As great scientist James Watson had said, “There is [always] more than one way.”</p>
<p>In various examples, people have often been more successful when allowed to accomplish tasks using their own methods. Freedom when doing tasks is crucial to the success of one’s accomplishments. (These sentences are awkward…An accomplishment IS a success.)</p>
<p>everyone obeys the same regulations and are not allowed (S-V agr)</p>
<p>Helmholtz Watson, a major character in the novel that has a passion for writing, (It is not necessary to tell the reader that he is a major character in the novel. By doing so, you have muddied the water regarding the reference of “that”. It appears to refer to ‘novel’.)</p>
<p>After a careful analysis of the presence of the “freedom of approach” in the literary works of Orson Scott Card and Aldous Huxley, (Your paragraph was a simple plot summary, not “a careful analysis”.)</p>
<p>Without freedom to approach different situations in ways not generally accepted, people can’t come up with creative solutions to a myriad of possible problems. (THIS is your theme. You should have given specific, concrete examples of approaches not generally accepted and the reasons why they were not, the creative solutions that resulted and the problems that were solved. In your “careful analysis” you should have mentioned the specific obstacles presented to the main characters, and the thematic ideas that those obstacles represent. Had you done so, your analysis would have gone beyond : ‘In one book a guy thought outside the box and saved the human race. In another book a guy was sent outside the box and found self-fulfillment…the end.’ (which is what the intellectual content of your essay actually amounts to.)</p>
<p>In spite of the earlier comments about style, your writing is not bad. Once you got started it smoothed out and was less obviously straining to sound impressive. That’s because you were getting into what you were trying to say, I think. You also used some good vocabulary words appropriately, thus avoiding the unfortunate tendency some writers have of jamming big words into places where they don’t really belong.</p>
<p>I think the biggest single flaw is that you don’t really have much development of an idea. You have a simple idea and give two examples in which that simple idea is repeated, but the idea is never really explained in any depth or specificity.</p>
<p>One last thing. A single idea, actually analyzed in detail, can score a 12. There is no magic number for examples. When I write a something like, “In Western culture we are taught about ‘the Dark Age’ that extended from the fall of Rome to the beginning of the Renaissance. In fact, however, there have been many dark ages. Ancient Egypt had two, each lasting hundreds of years. China, India and the ancient cultures of Central and South America have had theirs as well”… within those three sentences there are seven examples of dark ages. </p>
<p>I could pick any single one (Egypt, let’s say) and develop the idea by naming the characteristics of a dark age, the decline in the quality of art. Tombs are smaller, and are painted rather than carved. Money is made of cheaper metals and the carving is poor. Small nations rise as the power of the larger empires declines (Egypt and Mesopotamian kingdoms withdrew from Canaan thus allowing the Israelites, Canaanites, Moabites etc. to establish their own kingdoms and to fight among themselves), Literature and learning slow down as poverty makes leisure time more rare and as education declines, superstition and heresy increase leading to religious turmoil. Economic stagnation and the decline of international trade lead to widespread poverty, increased social stratification and rebellion. (Of course the paragraph could be improved, but look at the details.)</p>
<p>This is the development of an idea using a single example. But that example is developed in depth. It is “layered” as the readers might say. It is more than: “There was a dark age in Egypt. There was a dark age in Babylon. There was a dark age in Israel. Ta Da, I have three examples!”</p>
<p>Thanks for your input! When I made this post, I actually didn’t intend to get an analysis of my essay because… I don’t know, my writing gets all unclear and jumbled when I’m under pressure. (That’s why I’m so worried about the essay portion; I’m scared of choking under pressure.) But I really appreciate your suggestions for my writing! Your second post was particularly reassuring because I’d been led on to believe that you need three different examples to excel in the essay section. Knowing that I can achieve a high score by developing a single example (which I’ll definitely work on) is very helpful. :)</p>
<p>One last thing… are the essays on the College Board website scored by a computer program or by an actual reader? I wasn’t quite sure.</p>
<p>The practice essays are graded by a computer. The actual test essays are graded by people like me.</p>