Dividing an estate unevenly is likely to result in hurt feelings at the least. But honest discussions ahead of time can solve many problems.
I am a single parent and my daughter is an only child so this won’t come up for us but it was a gigantic issue with my siblings when my dad passed away. Hope it is helpful.
I vote for dividing an estate equally unless there was some overriding situation. I would not consider that someone had more money one of those.
My father did not divide his estate equally, because two of us were comfortably off, while the other two were not. As he was making his will, he asked the two kids who were doing well how they felt about being left out, and we gave him our blessing.There were no hard feelings.
His own parents left the four siblings a crumbling mansion full of silver and antiques, but no money. The daughters–in-law squabbled over the furniture and valuables for years. It was ugly.
If we have anything left to give our kids, we’re doing it equally, or doing it the way my father did. Even people who love one another can be really nasty when it comes to possessions.
My husband and I are better off than our siblings and are fine with them inheriting a larger share of our parents’ estates. We’re not likely to inherit much in any case, but our sibs have experienced road bumps we haven’t. Our moms know how we feel, though of course it’s up to them to decide how to divide their assets.
Our will divides our assets evenly, but it’s possible that we’d change it if one of our kids was in greater need. One thing we want to do as grandchildren come along is contribute an equal amount to each for their educations.
My kids are still young (17 - 26) but as of today, our will divides everything equally from the second to go parent. My only daughter and second son are the executors (they are 24 and 21 now). My daughter is eminently fair and loves all of her brothers, while my second son is the most logical and fiscally frugal. That may change as the years pass. For instance, one son is more likely than the rest to remain in the town we live in so he may get the house and, if he does, we will have to arrange things so that he either has to pay his siblings or get a lesser share, depending on how much the house is worth vs. the value of our other assets.
My mother-in-law’s will leaves all to my husband and none to his sister, because she is on public benefits and any inheritance would go back to the government. We have a verbal agreement with mom that we will take care of his sister using a portion of her estate.
Although the optimal outcome is to share everything equally, it’s not always fair. For instance, I have decided that I will set up a college fund, if I am financially able, for each of the grandchildren I hope to have someday. If one of my children doesn’t have children, is it unfair to him or her that I don’t give them that money? What about if one has more kids than the others? As for kids, if one is on public benefits, set up a special needs trust, don’t leave them anything or it will be lost to the government. This is basic estate law practice.
To change the subject slightly - I paid to put my daughter through college and a masters. My oldest son spent three semesters at community college before deciding it wasn’t for him. I let him live rent free and use a car because I didn’t spend the college money on him for school. It’s not the same but it’s fair to m
My siblings have more wealth than I do some significantly more. I would not want more from my parents estate.
One of my siblings has significant assets and 3 children. One child has special needs do the majority of those assets will be held in trust for that child. I think that would be one reason not to divide assets equally.
My Mother stopped talking to me several years before she died. Can’t tell you why, she refused to talk about it, although we were never close. I did help take care of her when she was dying of cancer, mostly because I did want one of my two brothers to have to do it all. She left me nothing. I never saw the will, and never asked my brothers ot step bothers and sisters about it, because I did not want them to feel uncomfortable. I have always wondered if she just left me out of the will or had something to say about the reasons she was leaving me out. Whatever. I would love to know her reasoning though.
My H and I have equally divided all assets between our 23 and 16yo to be given to both of them once the youngest is 25yo. Up to that point my brother will manage the money and both will get money they need for school and living expenses. I am sure he will be generous and thoughtful with the money
Similar here. H and and I are very comfortable and have saved significantly, but both of my living siblings are better off than us. My dad’s business did very well so potentially I could inherit a significant sum.
Barring unusual circumstances (one of our kids becomes disabled or has a child with a disability), our estate will be split evenly.
H’s parents were redoing their will and mentioned that they would be dividing things unevenly. Most things would be divided evenly between the 4 siblings, but they want to leave the house to only one sibling. Their reasoning is that he loves the house the best, lives closest, and is the least well off financially.
I advised my FIL not to do that. What if the house is crumbling and not worth much? What if it’s the only significant asset left? What if they need to liquidate the house for money or simply can’t live there anymore with the two flights of stairs?
If it was divided evenly, the child in question would inherit 25% and could easily finance from there. No strings attached. Another sibling, whose income goes up and down, would not be upset like he is now. I think the parents came up with this scheme at least partly to deflect all of us who had been encouraging them to downsize and move into more elder friendly housing. I’m not sure what they’ve done and no one feels comfortable asking about it. Not a good situation.
Most wills are written so that when the first spouse dies, the entire estate goes to the surviving spouse. That person is then in a position to change their will and leave the estate any way they choose. Something that should be discussed when making out the will. First spouse would want the children to get the money, not surviving spouse’s new girlfriend or boyfriend.
I hope to be able to give away a large part of my estate to my children so that I can see them enjoy the money, buy a home, travel, etc.
My Mom was hilarious with her will. Even though she and my Dad moved assets into a trust that is split equally between siblings, my Mother insisted that all her personal property (China and jewelry) be put into her own will “because she didn’t want some floozy your Dad
might marry to get her hands on the good stuff”
My father did not divide his very small estate equally. There are four of us kids. One inherited the house…but really…it was her home. She never lived anywhere else. The other three of us have homes.
Really the only thing in the estate would have been the house…but dad deeded it over to sister before he died.
He did ask the other three of us if it was OK. Of course…
@coralbrook, a friend of mine handled the “floozy” question by making her husband get a vasectomy shortly after she got her terminal diagnosis. She didn’t want a second family to take anything away from her children if he remarried after her death.
Ha! But the floozy could still have gotten it all. A vasectomy likely made him more attractive to a floozy, ha.
Currently our will leaves everything to the surviving spouse and barring that to the kids divided equally. Having seen Dh’s Mom and my sil’s mother give away tens of thousands of dollars to unscrupulous crooks, I actually think some sort of trust to prevent that may be in order. No grandchildren yet, but we have talked about what to do if we all go at once. Do we leave stuff to our siblings equally divided? Or equally among their children? I think the only thing we might not divide equally is some vacation property that I do not believe one son cares about at all. But we would ask him first. It’s property with multiple owners already, so definitely better if it got consolidated.
My father had a stupid will, years after my mother died and he remarried. He didn’t even realize that everything would go to his new wife since she was younger than him. Of course, she will leave everything to HER children not his.
It could be avoided with an old fashioned community property will. All community property goes to the children with usufruct, or lifetime use, granted to the surviving spouse. Any property that is not community property, i.e. an inheritance given to one of the parents or property they owned before the marriage, would be exempt. It’s the only way to insure that surviving spouses will actually grant the estate to your mutual children, unless you grant it to the children directly in your own will or put it in an irrevocable trust.
My father divided one of his son’s shares into equal parts among the son, his wife and his three children. Then he wrote out the other son altogether and split that son’s share between me (his only daughter) and the son whose share was divided. Before the probate court approved distribution, the written-out son had to acknowledge receipt of a copy of the will. (Had he not done so, he would have been served with a copy by a process server.)
My father and stepmother (whose estate was much larger due to an inheritance) each signed a statement drafted by a lawyer in which they declined any interest in each other’s estate.
This was in New York but every state is different.
It is so hard to predict how people will feel about the division of money. I was actually surprised by my own feelings after my grandmother died, and I had been made aware of the terms of the will for as long as I could remember because my grandma told us about it all the time.
The will, as is very typical, divided everything equally among her children, and if any child predeceased her, that child’s share was to be divided among that child’s children.
Well, my uncle died about 20 years before my grandmother did. After he died, his kids dropped out of sight. They saw my grandma maybe one or two times after he died, over 20 years. Meanwhile, my mom, my aunts, my sisters and I saw her almost every week, and’ near the end, we were all intimately involved in her care.
My cousins did not come to see her even once when she was sick (last several years of her life). When I called my cousin to tell her the end was near and that she should probably make an effort to come see her, my cousin said she preferred to remember her in the good times. She didn’t want to see her because she would then remember her as sick. Oh, and they didn’t come to the funeral.
Her estate was small and my mom was the executor. I admit that I felt a little resentful when those checks were sent off to those cousins. (Since our mom was still alive, my sisters and I didn’t get anything. That was fine, but I wish her will had left everything to her remaining children and had just cut out those cousins). I didn’t express these feelings to anyone but they were definitely there. It is kind of absurd to feel that way because the amounts of money at issue were so small and I had already known that was the way things were forever.
(I’m sure changing the will would have felt like she was cutting her son out of the will, and I’m sure that’s why she didn’t change it).
One sibling will not be getting anything from our mother’s estate should there be anything left after mom passes away. Sibling has received a lot of money over the years, the result of which is at least a year’s worth of full-pay care lost. It’s been take, take, take for her for years now, with no repayment at all.
My in laws are scrupulously equitable in everything. Their estate will be divided equally between H and his sibling, except for some extra for the sibling to be executor.