And my own kids were given the same educational/life opportunities and are making very different choices as young adults, which will affect their financial futures. Besides career choices, one has started both Roth and regular IRAs and is saving significantly for retirement. The other one is not going to think about retirement when there are more fun things to spend money on currently.
No problem, but do I leave more to the one who wants to spend more now because they will have less later?
I can see your point if that decision is made by the parent with little to no discussion with the well off child, and it hits that child blind side when the will comes out.
In my situation, it makes no difference to me: I don’t need it; they do. I don’t really care why they need it more than I, they just do, and I’m fine with giving up my share. I won’t ever spend all my money, so why do I want something that I don’t need, but my brother does? I don’t care about the principle of the thing, because I know I’m no less loved.
That’s just my take.
If your kids were given the same opportunities, then divide your assets 50/50 for heavens sake. No one is insisting you MUST leave more to poorer / less thrifty sibling. People are just relating instances where a differential philosophy works, that’s all.
I’m a 50/50 split gal at this point between my two.
We have also arranged things to be 50/50 between our kids. If something significant were to change, we’d reconsider.
Hopefully there is one trustee who is comfortable making those decisions and if all the assets are in the trust, that ought to include bank account with enough money for taxes.
My parent’s house is in a trust going to all siblings, I am trustee, I have been taking care of it all for years as a rental for Mom. When the time comes, of course we will discuss whether anyone wants out right away and if anyone wants to keep it for a while, as a rental, to time the market. I would expect the person who wants out to be bought out by the others & expect the rent money in the trust account to pay the bills. But then, the dynamic is quite simple here, too, I have been doing it all with no help for years, I cannot imagine anyone jumping in at her death to want changes. And if they did, I would have no issue telling them they all had the chance to be involved and chose not to help then, no help need now (Little Red Hen.) But i will not get snarky unless someone else goes there first 
@rosered55 my mom says she’s not gonna die, period. She’s just gonna live forever 
A family member older than my parents is currently the executer. I do plan on asking my parents to shift that responsibility to me once my siblings are grown and everyone is out of the house. I kinda see it as my duty, being the oldest.
We have a family friend with significant assets who is considering structuring his will so that the inheritance for each child would be proportional to that child’s individual wealth. He (our friend) thinks this will be an incentive for his children to pursue more lucrative careers.
Yes, heaven forbid we value public service or the ministry or something that isn’t about money-money-money. Color me unimpressed by his value system.
One of my siblings took out loans for law school and has worked 6 days a week for over 30 years. I am a CPA but chose to spend 10 years home with my kids. I see no reason why I should get more or less, we made our own choices.
“Does your kid want the house? I know mine won’t be interested in the house.”
@Iglooo, Yes. Her fiancee and I have made several repairs and improvements to my house. If they get the house it will save them quite a bit in monthly rent they are now paying. My grandson can continue going to the same school system, and the fiancee can remodel it the way he wants to.
My other child has no interest in the house and in living in our town. He would sell it in a heartbeat if he had to. We live in a small town 30 miles away from civilization. Many kids go off to college and then find jobs all over the East Coast. There is nothing exciting for them here.
“Can the one who would get the house afford it? And if the idea is that child would sell it, can they? Sometimes, there’s something about the economy, home market or the competition that leads to it being more difficult than thought.”
@lookingforward, Yes, they will easily be able to afford it. They are paying $1,000 per month to rent their apartment and for utilities. The taxes on the house are only $200 per month and the home equity loan is almost paid off. Most of the expensive things in the house are fairly new. The house would sell quickly due to it’s good location, and new siding. In my state the house will go into probate court and that would give both of my children time to discuss any other options besides this one. We also talked about my one child moving in with me to look after me in the future. It’s a long hike to the bathroom on the second floor if you have mobility problems.
I’m worried that my other child might not get any money if I should live another 15 to 25 years or have a major expense come up.
Why should we get less? Why should we get any? We don’t need it. My husband and I are leaving whatever we have to our children in equal portions, but we’re young enough and healthy enough that we have time to help them get settled. My hope is anything we leave will be a bonus, not a windfall that allows them to survive.
Everyone’s situation is different. In our family, we try to make sure the next generation does as well (and preferably better) than ours. My siblings and I believe that each generation is the custodian of the next, so we felt that my parents distributing their wealth so that all the branches could be successful was the right thing to do.
Now that our parents are gone, it’s up to us to step up to the plate. We live within commuting distance of Manhattan. It’s a convenient commute to several great colleges and a great place to get a career started. One of my sisters lived with us for a year while she finished her nursing degree. Now she’s a traveling nurse and doing really well. Another lived with us for 3 years while she transitioned to a career in NYC. She now lives and works in Manhattan. One of my sibling’s kids lived with us to finish their 4-year degree and our home is open to any of the others who want to follow suit. My siblings’ homes are equally open to our family. It’s just our family culture, I guess.
The way I looked at it with my parents, it wasn’t mine, I didn’t earn it, they could do whatever they wanted with it. They chose an even split. But we all had college degrees and are married with kids. Some did better than others but that could also be temporary.
I thought that case was interesting with the man not settling his will until 21 years after the last grandchild died. 12 heirs seems like a small amount, I’m surprised there weren’t more great grandchildren +. I can’t imagine spending my life knowing that existed. I wonder who managed that money?
Husbands parents - who knows what they’ll do. He has no interest in the family home out in the middle of nowhere, but it means a lot to one of the sisters. Should we just give her the house? I could see my mother in law giving everything to the addicted homeless handyman she hires to help around the house.
A bank or a trust company. You’d be surprised how many trusts are 100 years old. Things moved slower in the not so distant past.
I’m in the “split it equally” came with two exceptions:
In the case of the magician, when their mother was of sound mind she would occasionally ask the wealthier (in money) sibs if they minded her giving some money to help magician out. All said ‘your money, your call’
Then dementia set in and magician now puts charges on her cc and took her car because ‘she doesn’t need it and I do’.
Some of the sibs are resentful but keeping quiet. One sibling is resentful and speaking up.
I am not a sibling but think the magician is wrong to just take stuff. The will apparently divides assets equally but magician has said they want the house because everyone else has one. it’s the entitled attitude that bothers me, not the money
“thought that case was interesting with the man not settling his will until 21 years after the last grandchild died. 12 heirs seems like a small amount, I’m surprised there weren’t more great grandchildren +”
To those of us with small families, 12 heirs sounds like an awful lot! Between my side and my H’s side, we only have around 12-15 relatives grand total, including both the olders and the youngers. Lots and lots of only children.
“find it interesting to read how many of you generously feel it’s ok to let a less well off sibling have the family home…Why does well off sibling get less because they made different choices?”
I think when it comes to uneven allocations, there is a distinction between different bad choices and different good choices. If less well off sibling made good choices but simply didn’t make as much money as well off sibling (chose s less lucrative career, etc), that’s entirely different from a situation in which less well off sibling made poor choices and was irresponsible.
@busyparent wrote
Because life is not fair. We’ve worked much harder than either of H’s two siblings. They’ve gotten houses, cars and multiple graduate degrees from his parents. We have earned all of those things ourselves.
One way to look at it that gives us peace is-would you want to trade places with those people? I wouldn’t. I like who we are, I like how hard we’ve worked to get where we are, and I appreciate what the parents do give us but never expect anything.
Anything beyond that just rots your soul. I have to remind myself of that pretty fiercely sometimes, but I do believe it.
Being in a similar situation whereby husband and I have siblings who haven’t managed their finances well at all, I realize that if our parents weren’t there providing that financial help (uneven though it is), the siblings would most likely be knocking on our door instead asking for the financial assistance. #:-S