@NEPatsGirl what you just said is very interesting to me about not wanting to set a precedent of drinking for your kids. My wife has a glass of wine almost nightly and I will have a beer once in a while. We wanted to show our kids that responsible drinking is OK. We also wanted to show them in a controlled environment it is OK for them with us. If we have Italian and wanted to have a small glass of wine when they were 16-18, we asked if they would want some. We already knew most likely my daughter was going to parties. We didn’t want them to feel “adult”, but we didn’t want them to go to college and then try everything for the first time either. There is a study out about this and at both our kids college open houses, two very different schools, the deans actually stated that the kids that get into the most trouble with drugs /“drinking are the ones that have never really tried it before and” they " both suggested letting your kids have a drink with you. I found this fascinating. My son really doesn’t like the taste of alcohol. A flavored type beer is a rare occasion for him. My daughter will have wine with dinner once in a while or a beer but only if we do. He is 19 and she is 21.
@Knowsstuff I have no problem at all with other parents allowing their own kids to drink in their own homes, in fact, I get the theory of introducing and supervising underage drinking and for the most part, agree with it. I guess I meant this in the context of a group of kids, not beer or wine at dinner with me, but honestly, I didn’t offer that either. My sister has always allowed her kids and anyone else at the house to openly drink underage and its always upset me. She thinks because she doesn’t allow them to drive, its ok. I know my son spent some drunken nights at her house in high school…that is the kind of scenario I’m against.
My son, now nearly 29 yo,a big pot smoker in high school, enlisted at age 18 and had little opportunity to drink underage or smoke weed. He hasn’t smoked since high school and drinks very responsibly from what I can tell. My D, 21 yo, is just experimenting now and hasn’t really developed a taste for any alcohol, although she keeps trying different things. We talk often about responsible drinking and she assures me she is safe. Both my kids come from extended families with much alcohol abuse and we talk often about the hereditary issues that come with that.
It’s not the glass of champagne or the concern for their behavior that would most concern me. It is what would happen if someone did report it. We have commercials on the radio here all the time concerning hosting underage drinking parties and the consequences of doing so (usually around graduation and prom).
I enjoy wine with my meals and brew my own beer. My kids were part of the bottling process since they were in 7th or 8th grade. They would wipe off the full bottles after they had been capped. I agree with teaching your children about responsible behavior concerning drinking. What can get someone in big trouble is making those decisions for other parents. I appreciate the logic behind the idea but for me it would not be worth the risk
My 18yo D could not come home for Thanksgiving. We spent it out near her school and cooked dinner at the apt we rented. D invited two friends to join us: a 20yo and an 18yo. We had wine at dinner and all three were offered some, only the 20yo accepted a glass. None were driving. If I were hosting my D and some friends for NYE, I would have beer and wine available with the understanding that no one overindulges. I would be keeping an eye on them and would ask D to do the same. All the alcohol would be put away when we went to bed. I think the bigger concern is what the friends bring with them. My experience is underage kids usually buy/drink hard, clear alcohol like vodka. It is easier to pass off as water and easier to overindulge on hard liquor than wine or beer. And I also have never served minors.
I am very conservative on this, but I think I would pour sparkling cider or a small amount of champagne (depending upon what each kid preferred - a finger or two as mentioned about) just for a midnight toast. I would not leave the alcohol around and therefore I would stay completely in control of the drinking. I can’t imagine a parent upset over offering their adult child a taste of champagne on NYE for a toast.
It seems that a lot of states show: “Furnishing is prohibited with NO EXCEPTIONS.” I would check the link posted earlier in the thread. If that’s my state’s law, I would absolutely not serve alcohol to anyone under 21.
Thanks so much for all the feedback. I was hoping to hear from both perspectives and you’ve given us much to consider.
This is a small gathering of my DD’s old HS friends that we know very very well. Great group of kids and we know their parents as well. They will be staying with us 4-5 days. (We moved out of state so DD will be playing tour guide).
I’m serving a full dinner and dessert and DH and I will be hanging with them. Thankfully they like us :). After reading the comments we are now thinking of having non alcoholic mock- tails and then a champagne or sparkling cider toast at midnight.
I would provide festivities, including alcohol, to those I knew well in this situation on that holiday, and would expect them, like me, to drink responsibly. Perhaps this is why my kids are very honest with me about when, whether and where they drink, and how much. I acknowledge that my college kid drinks, as I did myself, and we handle it responsibly together-perhaps a wine with dinner, or champagne at a celebration. I am glad they are staying overnight to celebrate the holiday.
This seems like a contradiction - am I missing something?
I expect the poster is referring to legal minors, those under age 18, and not those under the state’s legal drinking age.
We are a country of great contradiction. We treat 18 year olds like majors when it comes to voting, serving in the military, responsible for their health, eduction, etc., but when it comes to alcohol they are considered to be minors.
I can’t imagine I would serve alcohol to anyone under 21. However I do not understand the posters stating OP should contact the parents of 19,20 year olds…? At 19 and 20 they are adults- how can their parents consent for them?
OP I believe you have no plans to serve to minors, correct? Seems many posters are referring to the 18-20 crowd as minors. They’re not.
Yes @sylvan8798 a 20 yo is not a minor.
This group is 19 and 20 year olds. Yes, not minors, but below the legal drinking age. Hence the initial question.
Some states are clearer in explaining their alcohol laws differ for adults aged 18 to 21 than other adults. There are very few other areas in which legal adults are so restricted by age (buying weed in those states where it is legal; holding some types of elective office; casino gambling in some states; adopting a child in some states; and I believe some transactions regulated under federal securities and exchange act laws). The legal age of majority in the US is considered to be 18.
That’s true, but it’s the law.
I guess I’m sensitive to the issue, because quite a few years back, there was a horrible DUI crash in our city - the 19-year-old driver had been given alcohol by an adult. Three young people died in that crash. The driver survived and did jail time. The adult was convicted on 11 misdemeanor charges but I can’t find out what sentence he served. He died six years later at the age of 64.
@HowardGradly. I think it’s more of a FYI to the parents. I would like to know. We have been in this situation and this is what we did. Every parent said “thanks for letting us know”. No one said no.
Since the girls are all sleeping over and staying in, I really don’t see the issue. When this was the case at our house I just plainly said no one is allowed to drive afterwards since you are all my children right now. They all got the hint! We knew the girls and their families well also. If there was ever a question, I would ask for their keys. Again, with this group of girls it would never be a problem. We have a movie/music room /theater in the basement and they were up watching movies listening to music.
The majority of US states allow bartenders to be licensed and work at age 18. One of my kid’s high school classmates was, as an after school job. Surprisingly well paid.
““Furnishing is prohibited with NO EXCEPTIONS.””
Any summary of the law that purports to be this broad is missing some nuance. I don’t believe there’s ever been a prosecution in any state over giving your 20-year-old wine at Passover. Police could line up outside Mass and arrest priests over “furnishing” Communion wine. Whatever the law may say on the books, in practice, this is permitted.
OP, If it would give you peace of mind, tell the young adults that you would like them to let you hold their car keys overnight if any of them are driving to your home.