My daughter’s friends will be staying with us for a few days around the New Year. They are all between the ages of 19-20 (DD is the youngest at 18). We are European and have a less restrictive mentality about alcohol and have allowed our daughter to have wine and beer with meals when she’s home. Our daughter would like us to serve champagne for NYE. No one will be driving, they are all staying in our home, and celebrating here. I’m torn because while the friends are technically adults, they are still under the legal age. What are your thoughts?
We also let our kids have wine /beer occasionally with us and we are not European… Lol… I would not have a problem with what you are proposing since they will all be in your home. Since they are underage, a quick ok from their parents would be in order.
Thank you @Knowsstuff
@momofsenior1 NP. This is what we did a few years back. My daughter is 21 now and over Thanksgiving break had one of her girlfriends over for dinner (not part of the Thanksgiving left overs) and she thoughtfully brought a bottle of wine. Nice to see these kids grow into being adults
My D was at a friend’s house for NYE with a few other girls when they were all 19-ish, all staying overnight. The friend’s mom sent a text saying that she would have alcohol available IF parents were OK with it. I said yes and presume that the other parents did as well, as D said they were offered both beer and wine. I expect most of them drink at school and this is a much more controlled environment, so it wouldn’t give me pause at all.
Check what the law actually is in your state for the specific situation, because there may be special rules in private locations and/or under parental supervision.
https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/underage-drinking/state-profiles has summaries, but check your state laws to verify.
Interesting. From the link above…California (my state):
Underage Drinking:
Furnishing Alcohol to Minors: Furnishing is prohibited with NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think it would be polite to let the other parents know your plan. However, I don’t think them giving their okay would take either you or the drinkers off the hook if something bad were to happen.
Many California counties (but not all I believe) have a social host ordinance which imposes penalties for allowing minors to drink in your home:
https://www.sdsheriff.net/social-host/
This is separate from the general liability which attaches if minors injure themselves or others after being served alcohol: https://www.fiorelegal.com/blog/2018/04/understanding-social-host-liability.shtml
This reminds me of the time D1, in hs, spent NYE with a friend’s family who asked me if champagne was ok.
My thought (regardless) is, if I knew the friends and had reason to trust, a finger or two of champagne for a toast would be fine. If I didn’t know them so well and thought they might finish off the bottle and run out and make trouble, we’d go with non-alcoholic, all the way.
My kids are now legal. D1 drinks, D2 not, so we have sparkling cider or some variant. I noticed at Thanksgiving that we ran through 3 bottles of the cider and only half a bottle of wine. Unusual.
I absolutely do not think it is okay to serve minors that are not one’s own children alcohol, just because it’s ok with the parent and their family, before checking with the other parents first.
Every family has their own rules. What if a family smoked pot and offered it to a minor child that wasn’t theirs? Would that be acceptable?
First, it’s illegal. Second, I just don’t think you have the right to do that without the parents consent.
We have a cottage and the summer before our kids turned 21, they were allowed to have alcohol at the end of the day when no one was going out. When they had guests, I always called their parents and checked first.
Sorry if I came off a bit harsh, but I feel quite strongly about this.
See, this is one parent that would have been MAD if I’d found out you did that, and others might, too. Please don’t take that chance.
Would you be mad if your kid was over 18? A person is considered an adult at age 18, so wouldn’t it be an adult responsibility to consult with his/her parent?
When d1 turned 18 we had a nice dinner for her and her friends at home. We served wine with dinner. As some of them were under 18, I did notify the parents.
Once my kids went off to college and had friends at my house, I didn’t think it was my job to contact their friends like they were in college to keep their parents informed. I also didn’t know most of their college friends’ parents.
I would be very careful. The laws in our state (OH) allow me to serve alcohol to my underage children but not to any others. Things can get nasty pretty quickly if one were found to be serving underage attenders. For us to do so legally would require their parents to attend the party.
In spite of the law, I would probably serve champagne with the understanding that everyone was staying in.
I would not be organizing drinking games or serving martinis before the meal started, but champagne is the cultural norm for this holiday, the kids are not really kids, and they won’t be coupling this with other activities to make it risky. Seems safer than having them be on the road NYE (and possibly looking for somewhere else to drink.)
@oldfort, in my state it is a felony to serve anyone under 21. I do not think it’s right to offer alcohol to anyone under 21 without parental consent.
So, if they are 18, they could change their minds and drive. They are an “adult” and have that right.
Each family is different in their view of this, and I believe must not take for granted that’s others view it the same way. Again, I would be quite annoyed that another family served my underage child alcohol without my consent.
If you plan to have a toast, perhaps you can offer both champagne, and sparkling cider/cranberry. That way everyone can toast in the holiday.
We served this non-alcoholic to several folks at our dd’s Wedding, including me…who preferred a non-alcoholic option.
They are not underage children. They are adults who can/should make their own decisions. Unfortunately how you would feel most likely will not be a factor. It is also not another parent’s responsibility to keep you informed. Hopefully, by the time your kid is 18, you have taught them to make the right decision.
I would also prefer to keep my adult children in on NYE and serve them champagne.
I would probably do so according to the described scenario, if these were young people I knew and trusted. I would NOT be calling parents for permission for non-minor persons, as described here. That would have no legal bearing on whether it was okay or not, since these are adults we are talking about.
I should have said underage legally to drink, not minor. Wrong word to use. The law says they have no right to make the decision to drink or not. Sounds like some States they can with parental consent sent in their own homes.
I just don’t think you have the right to go against that just because you don’t want to adhere to it.
You are right, it’s not your responsibility to keep me informed. It is your responsibility to not serve alcohol to my under 21 child. It is illegal.
Personally, over 18 and under 21 I’d set up a bar with sparkling cider and with champagne and let each choose for themselves (this is assuming you are absolutely sure no one is leaving the house and you will be there). Some form of finger food might be nice on that same table as well. You are providing the drink, you can limit it to however many bottles you feel is appropriate for the size group. Or you could pour 4 oz glasses of each and not leave the bottles, just enough for a toast.
FWIW, I never allowed minors to drink alcohol in my home, including my own kids. It wasn’t a precedent I wanted to set. I never had a NYE gathering with my kids there. But today, if D brought home a couple of college friends for NYE, I think this is what I would do.