NYMag: The Lonely Burden of the Family Caregiver

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@oldmom4896 - perhaps you could start one thread for all of your NYT posts instead of separate threads for each article? Similar to how I started a Cartoon/Humor thread to keep from having a zillion new threads appearing with only a few responses for each. Or perhaps just a thread for sharing any media links not related to another subject under discussion.

This article is from New York Magazine. I am a digital subscriber.

I consider each article I post. If I think it is not enough for its own thread, I post it to Random Stuff in the Cafe, or Hodgepodge if it’s political.

Does anyone else have a problem with this? Mods? One of the reasons I give many important (IMHO) NYT articles their own threads is that I only get ten gift articles a month, and usually someone is kind enough to share one of theirs if I don’t.

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I like the separate threads as some of the articles generate lively discussion which would be very hard to follow if they were all mushed up in the same thread.

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Thanks for sharing. I want to read it, but it may be too soon.

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For everyone’s info, the article has short vignettes of many caregivers of spouses, parents and other family members,

Hopefully someone has a gift link they can share.

I don’t think there are gift links for New York magazine articles and alas I am not comfortable posting the whole thing. Maybe a couple of vignettes at a time tomorrow.

I just clicked the link and it says it’s free for a limited time.
I’ll read it now.


ETA:
This reminds me only too well of 5 very difficult years of caring for 2 close family members who were seriously ill. Really tough years.
One died, the other recovered.

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This website is nice for reading articles without annoying pop ups or ads :wink: Just go to the website and paste the link for the page that you’d like to read into the box.

https://12ft.io

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Thank you @oldmom4896 ! I love the threads you generously share with us. They are very thought-provoking. I’d find it confusing to have the mushed into one thread. They’re very different from dad jokes, photos or cartoons.

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In that last story, her dates don’t add up. I’m not complaining; I think it shows how exhausted she is. :pleading_face:

Wow, thank you for sharing that link. I could identify with almost every person’s story and their feelings. Even though I have not had to directly care for my mother with dementia (she’s in a memory care facility now) I did spend years receiving abuse from her while trying to help. Hours and hours a day for years. I finally had to petition for conservatorship in order to help her. While my siblings basically did nothing. Then hours every day dealing with coordinating her move, finances, figuring out what to do with her home and belongings. It’s still difficult, though she’s now on meds that help with some of her rages. It sucks knowing her disease will only get worse from here.

On the other side, my MIL has been home with 24/7 care for years after a stroke. Until care was in place (probably took a year) the four children took turns living with her. She’s been in hospice now for a week (continues having strokes) and they’re back to that schedule. She’s defying all odds of living (can no longer swallow and her directives say no feeding tube or IV). Seems unfair they continue living so long after there’s no quality of life left.

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Although I’m relatively fortunate that my responsibilities for my son are not overwhelming, I think of people (mainly mothers, of course) who are caregivers for an adult child. Those duties will likely never end as they do for the child taking care of an elderly parent. :frowning:

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I was a caretaker for my dad, wasn’t always pleasant, but I have so much empathy for my good friend, single mother of a 20 year old son, non verbal autistic young man. She has a daughter who she pays to watch him since he can’t be left alone, his dad had a new wife and baby and will not take him at all. He ages out of school next year and she needs to find a place for him. She works full time.

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So tough. I got to talk to one of my dad’s paid caregivers at Christmas. She has a 16-year-old autistic son who is at least verbal, but he cannot be left alone, either. So her whole life is caregiving for others. And you wouldn’t believe what a pleasant, joyful person she is. She insisted on giving my son a tour of Austin one afternoon.

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Unfortunately my friend is absolutely miserable. Her ex cheated and declared bankruptcy (she had no clue, he gave her an allowance), her kids are 11 months apart, her daughter barely graduated HS, she has zero savings and door dashes with her son to make ends meet. She has no social life, has never even gone on vacation. I should spend more time with her but it’s tough, I’m ready to shoot myself after a couple of hours. I do text her daily.

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I’m so sorry. I have a friend whose son has schizophrenia. My son and I had lunch with the two of them yesterday. My friend is miserable, too. Her son isn’t in supported housing, just a Section 8 apartment. He has no life at all, so my friend goes to see him almost every day. And she lost her non-smoking sister to lung cancer last year. She also has an older son with issues, and she and her husband are providing total financial support for him to live in California and go back for a second college degree, in architecture! I know what you mean about wanting to shoot yourself! I told her about the support group I’m facilitating, but she’s not interested. I also told her there’s no way her older son will graduate in architecture, knowing his history, but whatever.

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