<p>I just read this article in the NYT about parents, who have been “good parents” but end up with kids who are very difficult or who go on to do some bad things. I decided to post the article here because over the years on CC, I have read either personal threads seeking advice with a child who is acting in a poor fashion in some capacity, or else there is some news story about some youth who did some awful things, etc. and many times, people question the parents and what they did “wrong” and the parents seem to be blamed a lot. While my own kids ain’t perfect, I must admit, they have been good kids and haven’t had any significant troubles, but when I read stories of parents who are at wit’s end with their child who is going down a bad path, I always feel compassion and feel that I got the luck of the draw. I feel badly when the parents are blamed. I can’t even figure it out when often these same parents with the troubled kid, also have other children who are leading productive positive lives, so the parents can’t be doing everything “wrong.” Now, of course there are situations where parents are not good at “parenting” and adversely affect their children or at least contribute to the wayward ways of their kids. But I truly believe that there are parents who have acted as good and “normal” parents who for some reason, have a very difficult and challenging child who does some negative things of significance. I wish the parents were not always to blame. This article addresses that…</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing that article, Soozie. It is truly a heartache when parents have children that are not nice and/or they don’t like. Though extreme environments may well have effects on children, kids who are at an extreme in a “normal” situation are probably wired that way. Though a parent can learn to deal with that sort of personality as best possible, changing these children is not possible most of the time. It’s just who they are.</p>
<p>Also I think parents need to remember that these teen/young adult years are the difficult years. I think kids go a bit insane at this time. Many want to be “bad” for the sake of being bad. They rebel. They’re nasty. They’re all bipolar. They all get depressed. Their moods hit extremes. They are dealing with a lot of tough things. They’re upbringing and original beliefs are being challenged. They want to have friends and belong. Yet they want their parents to accept and love them. Some kids are more difficult than others. Some just luckier than others. These years are not always indicative of what sort of person your child is going to be when this metamorphosis is completed. The caterpillar has it easy. Our kids don’t have that cocoon.</p>
<p>I have seen it. Usually it occurs because typical teenage experimentation turns into addiction with all of the problems that go with that.</p>
<p>Oops just read the article- I thought it was going to be about kids from good families that had a child that went wrong. Now I see it is about children that are just sullen and inconsiderate. Have to say I have seen that situation also. I grew up in a Irish/Italian Catholic neighborhood where the families had from 5-13 kids so there was always one family with a kid that was a pita.</p>
<p>The article is about a child who has always been difficult, but there are many kids who seem to “turn” at young adulthood to some beast. Not necessarily the parent’s fault; in fact, many times it is not. It’s just that stage in life, and we just pray that they out grow it without hurting themselves or others.</p>