When Luka turned 6 months, I decided we should celebrate half birthdays. I baked him half a cake and sang half of the “Happy Birthday” song (every other syllable, because complicating things is one of my gifts).
No judgement overall. This article is an “all about me” and very little about the subject.
I’m glad she was able to get help for her kid. There are many people in America - notably those not of the author’s race and economic class - for whom stories beginning with “our family situation reached the point where I called the police on my 15-year-old son” are a lot less likely to end well. Even if the teenager in question survives the encounter with law enforcement, access to mental health services of any quality would be an extremely fortunate outcome for most. Of course, none of that negates the difficulty of the author’s struggle with her son. But it shouldn’t be only the white and affluent who are able to have safe access to the kind of help he received, and the kind of happy outcome that resulted for him and his family.
I typed out a long response but decided I probably shouldn’t post it. I will just say I hope neither of you is ever in her (or my) shoes.
Thanks. I forwarded that to my 90 year old mother. We took my brother to the hospital this week, after dragging him 300 miles to family funeral last week. It wasn’t a celebration, but a rare occasion for a family gathering.
I hope you do say more. I’m sorry if my response seemed insensitive. I intended to convey that I appreciate what a nightmare it is to contend with a child’s mental health crisis, and that there is no amount of privilege/advantage that makes it any less of a nightmare. I was merely struck by the extent to which the good outcome described here seemed to be contingent on this family’s evident societal and economic advantages. People with less privilege deserve a path forward out of the nightmare as well. That doesn’t take away from what this mother and her child went through, though, nor from her courage in portraying in publicly.
There are plenty of situations where race and money can’t bring about a happy ending.
True but there’s absolutely no doubt that more money = better chance of (reasonably) positive (or at least stable) outcome.
They are sucky shoes. When I was going through something similar, I confided in friends. One suggested I talk to a mutual parent friend, who happened to be going through something similar with her daughter. Turns out her situation was even worse (we’ve know each other’s kids since birth, same age). Her daughter just graduated from college after a break, lots of ups and downs. I made me wonder just how many people I know are dealing with the same terrifying issues.
Obviously? If I’d meant, “Racial and economic privilege can make every problem go away,” I would have said that. But then I would be an idiot. 
A really good friend of ours kid committed himself to a hospital for depression while at Michigan. He called his dad who flew out that same day. It changed his life. He got medicated and got therapy. He is now a wonderful adult that can face his issues. He’s really a remarkable young man.
‘But what if my child was never completely healthy?’ What is healthy is very relative. Excellent article. I always worried about the people who did not receive help.
Read the article. Thank you OP. Was disturbed by the below:
"My 15 year old Luka…had been struggling with clinical depression and suicidal ideation, and had been self-medicating with substances for the last few years."
Hopefully that isn’t the child’s real name.
Per the end of the article, the “child” is an adult and can give consent.
So much has happened to our family in the five years since that milestone birthday. Luka has charted his own path toward healing: He graduated from high school, got his license and a car he bought with money from the job he pursued, interviewed for and landed. He has an amazing girlfriend, and even on his hard days he savors every minute of joy.
Sorry, I forgot to do the math at the end. I thought the article was interesting and I hope the young adult continues to do well.
Danielle Steel’s son committed suicide at 19. Her wealth, notoriety and whiteness could not save him.
Again, did I say that societal advantages guaranteed a good outcome???
I sincerely don’t understand the point of all of these “bad things happen to wealthy white people too!” sound bites. It’s like ya’ll are willfully misunderstanding my point.
My intent was not to start a “do racial disparities exist” debate. It’s deeply discouraging that one seems to be needed.
I read an article in which a white author led with the fact that she called the police on her 15y/o son. And immediately, I imagined all of the young men of color who, if acting out in the presence of law enforcement during a mental health crisis, would be at intolerably high risk. What are their mothers supposed to do? And is there even real help waiting for them on the other side of that encounter, if they don’t have top-tier health insurance?
None of this is an attack on the author, or on the many white and/or affluent people who struggle with mental illness. As a lifelong white person myself (and one who is no stranger to depression), I am indeed aware of all the terrible things that can befall any human being, irrespective of race and class. I just don’t happen to think that showing awareness and concern about disparities and injustices takes anything away from people in advantaged groups who also suffer. Behaving as if it does falls under the umbrella of “fragility.” I would have hoped that an article about a good outcome could be a good jumping-off point for a conversation about “Why isn’t this ability to access meaningful and effective help the norm for everyone in this country?” The fact the instinctive response to the mention of disparities is offense, rebuttal, and counterexample is, again, discouraging.
ETA: If this had been a thread in which a CC member were asking for support wrt their struggles with their own child, then making the point that I did would have been an instance of derailing the conversation and detracting from concern about that family. I would not have done that. This thread is one about an article, posted without comment, for open discussion. I therefore assumed that open discussion about any thoughts raised by said article would be welcome. But apparently some perspectives are off-limits here. It would behoove us, I think, to reflect upon why that is.
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