I will never forget the family in my community that had an adult son for whom they tried to get help … they tried incredibly hard, but they were not successful. His mom worked for our township, and the local politicians tried to help. One day, the son killed his parents. This wasn’t an outcome that they had foreseen, but his mental illness was not being properly treated due to lack of … I guess available, appropriate assistance.. It was so heartbreaking. Our system is broken. Our newspaper did a story on the difficulty of getting help for minors … it’s even more difficult with adult children.
Oh, my, this story literally made me cry. “These mothers keep their phones on silent because their nerves are fried. Every time they hear a ring, they know it could be awful news, and their minds and bodies tense up — over and over again for years.” That really describes my situation. Being on high alert at all times. And when I’m with my son, observing him closely to see if he’s showing any signs of mania or voices. Looking at his checking account and worrying that he’s eating out too much. Worrying that he’s not eating enough if he doesn’t go out. Trying not to say anything when he comes over and his clothes are smelly. Running his clothes through the washer twice to try to get rid of the smell. Cringing when I look at the linoleum in the kitchen of his subsidized house. Complaining about the linoleum to the staff and being ignored. Talking to Social Security yet again about some problem. It’s very hard. And I’m one of the fortunate ones, since my son realizes he’s ill and is compliant with meds.
Something has to give. There are a lot of exhausted mothers. And we won’t live forever.
Oh, I just looked at the graphics that accompany the article. That is what I’m always imagining in my head - holding my son as tightly as possible so he doesn’t go over the cliff.
@mainlonghorn, of course I thought about you and your son and your work as an advocate. When I posted this link to Facebook, I was sure to post a link to https://www.nami.org/
Oh, thanks for doing that!
Yes, one of my cousins was diagnosed with mental illness as a young adult in college and lived at home with my great aunt and great uncle. Their big fear was that he’d outlive them. He did outlive my great aunt but not his father, fortunately. He once put a signed blank check in the mailbox (which fortunately his parents retrieved).
It’s very challenging and not spoken about enough and really there are too few treatment options. So many missed opportunities. In the ERs, there are often people who appear to be having mental health issues as well. Not properly treating things is hard and bad for all of society.
H’s older brother has mental health issues that range from bipolar to delusional to schizophrenia. Their mother set up a trust before she passed away to keep him housed and medicated, but H and his siblings still have to ride the rollercoaster of his ups and downs.
BIL’s medical team say how lucky he is to have a supportive family. It’s still hard when he spirals down. Unfortunately, he’s now in a delusional phase.
One issue that the article briefly alluded to was finding a psychiatrist who will see patients with Serious and Persistent Mental Illness (SPMI, e.g. schizophrenia, severe bipolar etc.) Finding this can be very difficult, either because some psychiatrists just won’t take patients with this, or because they will only take private insurance, which people with SPMI often don’t have because their mental illness can make employment impossible.
This all results in a system where people with the most minor mental illness (or no mental illness at all) receive a lot of services, while those with worse mental illness receive none. As an example, I know of a psychiatrist who works for a large private practice. Their practice policy is that patients must fill out a long application to be accepted. If they have ever had a hospitalization due to their illness, the practice will not take them! (Can you imagine a cardiologist saying the same?!) The practice does a lot of counseling surrounding normal general life issues in high functioning people, prescribes low level meds, accepts private insurance or cash pay only. Meanwhile, the psychiatrist in the area who will see schizophrenia and will take Medicare is in his 80s and still practices because “There is nobody to care for my patients if I leave.”
Yes, I’m so thankful for my son’s doctor. He’s an angel. He said I can call him anytime, day or night, and even when he’s on vacation. I told him he can never retire! He’s actually a child/adolescent psychiatrist but he kept my son as a patient.
One of the most common questions I get is how to find a doctor and I don’t have an answer for it. 
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