<p>In our family, my older sis and I were the two opt outs, as was our mom. The other sisters and sisters in law stayed in the workforce. Honestly, I was ready to stop practicing law and spend time raising our kids when I did and feel grateful that it worked out as well as it did for us, logistically. I loved being active as a volunteer with activities the kids were involved in, being able to shuttle to whatever they needed. This was great when they were in sports, when one needed speech therapy several times a week, and when we were all seeing a lot of docs. </p>
<p>It was great having the opportunity to reinvent myself. I have no regrets and don’t believe H or our kids do either. My sis went back to tutoring after her youngest started K and did that until the youngest was in college. She’s had a bumpy time trying to transition back into full time work with benefits. She hated one assignment and quit before the end of the school year. She doesn’t know how to write grant applications, which some of the jobs she’s applied for have asked. She still likes the flexibility of tutoring and has returned to that. </p>
<p>While we would definitely have had more cash if I had not opted out, we were still able to buy a house we enjoy, travel about as much as we want with our kids, pay for our kids college w/o loans or FAid, and drive mechanically reliable cars. We are financially secure enough that I can travel for my nonprofit using our personal finances without qualms and H retired with health insurance and full pension when he chose–it will last our mutual lives. </p>
<p>When my mom had the youngest of us in K, she went back to college for a masters in special Ed and became a special ed substitute teacher. She continued to do that until the youngest graduated from law school, and was very relieved to quit. </p>
<p>I was fortunate–don’t feel I was valued any less by H or the kids for choosing to opt out and was able to re-enter the workforce on my own terms. I do not earn enough to support myself ( that costs $78K for a family of 4 in HI), and have not since originally opting out of the workforce, but my earnings contributed significantly to family finances, especially before H got raises late in his career.</p>
<p>I agree, youdon’tsay. I put myself on a part time/flexible track which was great for my kids, my H’s career (he could travel, stay late, etc. for his job), and our bank account, but has not been terribly satisfying professionally. Also, having the secondary career in the home meant I did all the work of a SAHparent and had the stress of an almost full time career. That being said, I have stayed current and have progressed up the ladder to a large degree. Many of my friends that opted out are struggling with what is now available to them professionally now that they are ready to get back into a career. Most are financially dependent on their Hs. I just wish this work/family balance question was gender neutral by now! Why don’t most men struggle with these issues? Outside of the actual baby gestation and breastfeeding, dads can do everything moms can.</p>
<p>I found the article very interesting, especially having two D’s who are looking forward to starting their careers. Mnmomof2, I have had the same thoughts as you. Why don’t men struggle with these issues? I have two SIL’s who are about 10 years younger than I am and neither has opted out. They have both basically said they worked hard to get where they are and why should they be the ones to give it up. However, the husbands feel the same way and they do not even consider the option of opting out. While they do help out, it looks like it is quite a struggle and a logistic nightmare but neither party gives in. Luckily, grandparents are helping them out. </p>
<p>I also did not opt out because I did a trial run for one year and realized I was not very good staying home and missed being in the working world. It was difficult and I did take the more flexible track where I could work at home at least one day a week. We somehow always managed to be home when needed, attend school events and be home for dinner every night. I know by taking the flexible track, I missed out on some lucrative opportunities but I knew that it would have been too much. At no point did DH even consider taking a more flexible job. During the last recession DH lost his job and the new job he found was at a much lower salary base. On the other hand, I was able to grow within my job and make up his lost income. In that sense, it worked out. I do hope that the workplace is better when my D’s finally decide to have families so that couples can both share in the parenting of their children without feeling guilty or giving up their careers, unless of course, they really want to. I already see more work at home programs, although it is still a struggle for virtual workers to get the same recognition as those who show up a tthe office daily.</p>
<p>I opted out when my D finished 4th grade. I had a pretty good job with a lot of respect at my company. I was able to work 30 hrs/wk plus some additional at home for the 7 years I had that job. But I only had 5 sick days per year and it got to be too much with D’s school/vacation schedule. Then I free-lanced for the company, some at home and some on site and that was the best because I had control over my hours.</p>
<p>Gradually over the next 3-4 years the management at the company changed, and the company was then sold, and I moved on to other free-lance work. Then that also dropped off for various reasons, so now I just have a small but regular amount of work I do at home. </p>
<p>I am glad I was at home for my D from 5th grade thru high school. I could drive her to all her many lessons after school and help with her main activity in high school. I am really lucky that my H’s work allowed me to be at home with her during those years. But I do feel a little sad sometimes that I didn’t have the career I could have had.</p>