<p>Especially</p>
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<p>Stats?! Who need stats when you have anecdotal stories? Pshh ;)</p>
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<p>Because abstinence is not realistic for the majority of the population. The research is there. If they have never been taught what to do if they find themselves in a situation they weren’t planning on getting into…well, pregnancy and STD’s are a real possibility.</p>
<p>Another reason…I want to be the person that gives them the information. I want to discuss the importance of the decision to become sexually active and make sure they are informed of its risks (as well as how wonderful it can be in a committed relationship). I want to make sure my son’s never take advantage ( or stand around while another young man takes advantage) of a girl who is not in a position to consent, I can only do this if we freely talk about the possibility of having sex.</p>
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<p>And, it has given birth to some of the great truths of Western Civilization.</p>
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<p>This sounds like a spectacularly bad idea to me. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in an employer/employee relationship with my DH and don’t know anyone else who would want that either. Does that mean he would give you tasks, deadlines, and regular reviews with “constructive” criticism? Not happening in my house, LOL!</p>
<p>Is it that unthinkable to some of you that any educated woman may make the choice to stay home with her kids without “pushing”?</p>
<p>I just wouldn’t consider an adult who hasn’t had sex yet, life experience-less.</p>
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It works for some couples. This reminds me of the ol’ seperate vs joint account debate.</p>
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I know that this is not addressed towards me, but I definitely understand why an educated woman would want to stay home with her kids. I hope I get the chance to stay home with them for a couple of years. It sound like a lot of fun!</p>
<p>It would be funny to have goal setting sessions, semi-annual performance reviews, budget meetings, cost cutting initiatives, weekly updates, progress reports, inspections, etc., lol. Welcome to my world honey. I suppose I could dock her pay, but I couldn’t fire her.</p>
<p>But, yes, it’s a really bad idea.</p>
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<p>Not really a comparable situation. If a married couple has separate bank accounts, they must have a mutually agreed upon allocation of funds and responsibilities without either of them having authority over the other. BTW, my husband and I have both joint and separate accounts and it’s worked just fine for over 30 years.</p>
<p>BTW, to tie this all back to the original topic, why do people insist that abstinence-favoring parents can’t also make sure their kids know about always, always using protection if they decide to have sex anyway? It’s like saying that telling your kids that you won’t allow them to engage in underage drinking precludes also telling them that if they do drink anyway to be sure to call for a ride home, no questions asked.</p>
<p>When I say abstinence parenting, I mean abstinence-only parenting/education. </p>
<p>I do not personally support promoting abstinence though- especially not in the abstinence-until-marriage sense.</p>
<p>Joblue–if you will read the entire thread you will see that there are plenty of parents who counsel the child to delay (timing) who also give the child ALL the safe sex info. At least for me, once the “child” is in college the choices are and should be up to him.</p>
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I laughe a little too long at this situation. :D</p>
<p>Job kid, good thing I said “It reminds me…”, eh?</p>
<p>Lol Ripton maybe we should all run our household budgets like a business. We’d all be retired. I know it’s a bad idea, but seriously, when you consider the divorce rate, ( not to mention the cost of college) would you be willing, if you and your wife ever split up, to pay her alimony for theorist of her life?</p>
<p>Back to the original article, it saddens, but not surprises me, that this is even a story. Haven’t we gotten to the point in our society where a young woman’s sexuality is her own business? I fail to see how this tiny example at an elite school in one fraction of the country is a trend.</p>
<p>Why do we care if adults are having sex? And I’m really, really tired of these “women should behave this way” articles. Have sex when you want, and with whom you want. Get married or stay single. Have children or don’t. Stay home, go to work, do both. </p>
<p>Live your life on your own terms.</p>
<p>Agreed!!!</p>
<p>College students are roughly 17 - 23. The part of the brain that restrains risky behavior is not fully developed until about 25.</p>
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<p>Wow, that’s great advice.</p>
<p>Bravo.</p>
<p>Not all of us define virtue as synonymous with not having premarital sex. I think that sex is an important part of adult relationships and learning to have healthy committed sexual relationships is something kids can begin to do in college. I would generally not encourage one-night stands or hookups as a way of life, but I certainly would not and did not promote abstinence among my college-age kids. I would suggest delay until one is emotionally ready and counseled my kids to treat their partners with respect (and to use condoms to reduce the chances of STDs).</p>
<p>Virtue in my mind has much more to do with treating others with respect, helping others, being generous, being a good friend, BF / GF, husband / wife, and father / mother, working to create opportunities for others and making the world a better place. One can abstain from pre-marital sex and be a hideous human being or be a virtuous one. Similarly, one can have pre-marital sex and be virtuous or hideous.</p>
<p>The evidence suggests that repressing sexual desire does not seem to work. The state with the highest degree of pornography viewership is not California or New York or another ultraliberal state but is instead … Utah. The US has a much higher rate of teen pregnancy than European countries that do not equate virtue with abstinence from premarital sex. Even within the US, the states that tend to have the highest rates of teenage pregnancy are the red states where parents are more likely to hold views like riprorin.</p>
<p>I’m not the one to introduce the term “virtue” into this thread, but here’s the definition. See 3.</p>
<p>vir·tue [vur-choo] Show IPA
noun
- moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.
2.conformity of one’s life and conduct to moral and ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude. - chastity; virginity: to lose one’s virtue.
4.a particular moral excellence. Compare cardinal virtues, natural virtue, theological virtue.
5.a good or admirable quality or property: the virtue of knowing one’s weaknesses.</p>
<p>I believe that I was the poster who introduced “virtue” into this thread, and I wish I’d used the scare quotes when I did, in posts 270 and 272. I meant it ironically, and as we should all know by now, irony often isn’t readily apparent on College Confidential. Some parents feel it’s their obligation to go to great lengths to protect the “virtue” of their adult children. Makes me think of the proud mamas on “Say Yes to the Dress” who want to make sure everyone knows their daughters “deserve” to wear white, when a large segment of the viewing population truly could not care less.</p>
<p>I agree with shawbridge that virtue is not synonymous with not having premarital sex. I think it’s possible for premarital sex to be non-virtuous, if you will, when one partner’s intention is to mislead or use the other. I think it’s actually possible for marital sex to be non-virtuous, too, when the intention is to abuse or manipulate another person.</p>
<p>I agree with the posts by 07DAD, Shawbridge, and especially frazzled. My ultimate parenting goal was to give my children the skills to educate themselves. I did my best to provide them information to make informed decisions and protect themselves from risky behavior.</p>
<p>If the goal is keeping a child from being sexually active, I am not at all sure abstinence only education is effective. My goal was definitely not to delay sexual activity in my children, but teaching them about safe sex had that result. Way back in posts 140 & 143, poetgrl and I got into a side trek on HIV/AIDS. Because of the environment in which we lived, (at one point more than 25% of newborns at the local hospital tested positive and friends were dying) I started talking to my sons about safe sex when they were around five and by the time they were seven or eight had definitely communicated the idea that the only way to be totally safe was to be monogamous, tested beforehand, and use condoms always except when trying to conceive. When they were early middle school age, I got very explicit safe sex pamphlets from the university health clinic aimed at college students, which we read together and discussed. I talked to them about the risks of all sorts of sexual practices. When they were older, we made sure they had access to condoms. When an 18 year old took a trip overseas, we bought condoms and insisted he pack them. He didn’t need them. He waited several more years before having sex and was extremely thoughtful about all the issues involved.</p>
<p>I think I really went overboard and probably did my kids a disservice in many ways. However, I am sure “just say no” would never have been as effective a parenting tool with my own kids as giving them the facts and allowing them to draw their own conclusions.</p>
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<p>[It?s</a> time for an end to ?women?s stories? - Salon.com](<a href=“http://www.salon.com/2013/07/15/its_time_for_an_end_to_womens_stories/?source=newsletter]It?s”>http://www.salon.com/2013/07/15/its_time_for_an_end_to_womens_stories/?source=newsletter)</p>
<p>Way back in post 72, Woody gave this link to a Salon article which I think pretty much sums up what is happening on this thread.</p>