<p>Yes, but if the young person has made already made a decision in the abstract (say to ALWAYS use a latex condom when engaging in sexual activity), this pre-decision makes it unnecessary to make it at the point that the opportunity for sexual activity occurs. </p>
<p>The articles I read suggested that a parent, by discussing these type decisions with the youth in a candid manner prior to the youth/young adult being presented with the need for an immediate decision, could help the youth to have already made a decision.</p>
<p>The key was that the youth had to have actually made a firm decision for herself prior to the opportunity presenting itself. The articles suggested that the youth who is presented with the parents’ declaration that “you must not ______” was less likely to be accepted by that youth as her or his actual personal decision than where the parent laid out and discussed the whys, including answering honestly the youth’s questions.</p>
<p>So, the stats that indicate that abstinence pledges ultimately do not result in change in conduct over time can be explained by the decision not actually being one that the youth made and personally accepted. This also explains why when the opportunity negates the “pledge,” the youth may be left without already having made the decision to always use a condom.</p>
<p>I think telling a teenager sex is forbidden is comparable to telling a toddler playing in the street is forbidden. Without additional information you put children in an extremely risky position. We need to teach them how to take care of themselves. </p>
<p>Sure - tell them abstinence is the only safe way to go. Essentially that is the message my own kids got though it sure wasn’t the message I intended to give them.</p>
<p>Never drive a car= zero risk of getting a speeding ticket.
Never fly in a plane = zero risk of being skyjack by terrorists
Never vote= zero risk of voter’s remorse.
Never get married =zero risk of divorce.
Never have sex=zero risk of any pregnancy.
Never get a job=zero risk of being fired or laid off.
Never make a decision for yourself=zero risk of any responsibility for what happens to you</p>
<p>Riprorin: I fail to see what is so terribly wrong with my comment. I have talked quite openly with my own children about sex, std’s, self-esteem, self worth and about choosing partners wisely. </p>
<p>I would never counsel either child to wait until marriage to have sex. IMHO sex constitutes about 10% of a relationship when partners are compatible and about 90% if the sex just isn’t clicking. It’s such a vital part of what holds couples together that going in blind is just not something either DH or I would recommend. </p>
<p>Unconstrained with religious dogma, I’m only concerned that they are healthy & responsible. And there’s not much we can do as parents if they choose to ignore our advice.</p>
<p>I personally don’t find much virtue in righteousness if it isn’t freely chosen by the individual. If someone behaves righteously because of fear of divine retribution, fear of parents or police - I can’t see the virtue.</p>
<p>Look, it’s not exactly rocket science here. I would approach it like any other decision, by sitting down with my kids and listing the pro and cons.</p>
<p>Given the risk of STDs and unwanted pregnancy and the other potential psychological issues, I think the cons of pre-martial sex outweigh the pros.</p>
<p>After going through this analysis and laying out why it’s a bad idea and what the potential consequences are, I would then tell them if they choose to do it anyway, here’s what you need to do.</p>
<p>Maybe you’ve just never had really good sex ( sorry to be so blunt but something is missing in your argument). It seems others understand the same risks and feel the cons don’t outweigh the pros.</p>
<p>The pro of premarital sex is that you ensure before you marry someone that you are physically / sexually compatible. That is an important consideration, IMO. What if you find out on the wedding night he’s into XYZ which grosses you out?</p>
<p>There is something called a conversation which a couple can have before they get married. Just because you guys don’t have sex doesn’t mean you can’t talk about sex.</p>
<p>Sorry. No substitute. This is yet another example where you go on and on about things that you simply don’t have experience with. Why don’t you tell us about childbirth while we’re at it?</p>
<p>I’m not saying it is a substitute, but a conversation with your future spouse on your preferences and what you’re not open to can shed light into whether you guys are sexually compatible.</p>
<p>I’m mainly responding to this:
</p>
<p>I don’t agree with discouraging people who want to wait until marriage on the notion that you can’t get a “test drive”.</p>
<p>I’m sure there’s a counseling session that a couple could go to.</p>
<p>and Niquii–how exactly would you even know your preferences??</p>
<p>Sexual intimacy is a wonderful part of a relationship, and a healthy, vital part of being human, you’d never know it by the way you talk about it Riprorin. This is how I want my kids to view human sexuality, to embrace it, safely and with trust and love in their hearts, not fear or shame.</p>