<p>No one has said that, lindz?
</p>
<p>Sometimes a joke is just a joke.</p>
<p>
How could I have missed such a wonderful correction?</p>
<p>so there are folks who believe in waiting til marriage. that’s their privilege. why criticize those who hold a different opinion and act as if they are not virtuous by doing so.</p>
<p>
Amen. </p>
<p>10char</p>
<p>I’m going to have to agree with the “What if they’re into something kinky?” camp here lol.</p>
<p>
Whip them into shape then. </p>
<p>Oh, wait. They might like that.</p>
<p>You might like whipping them into shape too ;)</p>
<p>Lindz, why are you bothered so much about what I believe?</p>
<p>Yes. Yes. The more you know…</p>
<p>
Oh, the curveballs life throws. ;)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Am I overly sensitive or is this post passive-aggressive?</p>
<p>"I don’t agree with discouraging people who want to wait until marriage on the notion that you can’t get a “test drive”.</p>
<p>I’m sure there’s a counseling session that a couple could go to."</p>
<p>You’re “sure,” but you’re wrong. There is no “counseling session.” This is something you have to find out by experiencing it in the moment.</p>
<p>
I’m sure of it. </p>
<p>There must be someone a couple can speak to about open sex communication. A person that can help them communicate what they’re willing to do and they’re interested in. A sex therapist. That’s it. That’s the person they can see. </p>
<p>If their partner does XYZ that happens to gross them out, then they’ll have to speak up and communicate with their partner why they don’t like. Who knows? They might discuss XYZ in their counseling session, leaving both partners with a better understanding of why one doesn’t like XYZ and why one does like XYZ.</p>
<p>Sexual disconnects should not be treated as an “end all, be all”. If the partners communicate and actively listen then a compromise or a better understanding can be developed. Plus, they have the rest of their marriage to win the other over on things!</p>
<p>
Why do they? Because their kid won’t be “the one”. Their kid won’t be the one that has sex and gets pregnant or ends up with an STD.</p>
<p>Riprorin, follow the argument being made. It’s not that hard.</p>
<p>I’m going to try to communicate what I mean once more on this thread, though it seems as if communication isn’t really the point of a thread like this one. I am not “eager” for my children to have sex, and I can only hope, riprorin, that you were speaking ironically in asking the question that way; if you weren’t speaking ironically, the question sounds demeaning and dismissive of the adult posters here who happen to disagree with your viewpoint. Apologies if that was not your intention.</p>
<p>I am eager for my children to become happy, independent adults. I am eager for them to make adult decisions - for themselves - about their lives: their colleges, their majors, their professions, whom they date, whom they marry, how they raise their children. I recognize my children as having the right to choose their own values, whether or not they are founded in religion or a pre- or post-1950s ideology.</p>
<p>This topic deserves a better discussion.</p>
<p>^Amen Frazzled, PG and Shawbridge
;)</p>
<p>Riprorin: I thought the post by Lindz was eloquent.</p>
<p>I’m not eager for my teens to find a sexual partner. In fact, I’ve counseled them both that waiting for the right person is key. And I hope when the time comes that their relationship is based on love, trust and respect.</p>
<p>However, I can only counsel. As far as the women in the report goes, I do find it sad that they must drink before they can stand to be with someone. But it’s not my place to judge, they’re not my children and they’re adults.</p>
<p>Also missing from this discussion is the issue of libido. Some people don’t have a strong drive and others have an extraordinary one. This plays into behavior as well.</p>
<p>No sorry, you can’t just “talk” about sex and expect it to be the same. </p>
<p>You can remain a virgin until you’re married, I don’t care. But it’s naive to think that talking about it or going to a therapist can ever even hold a candle to the real thing. It just doesn’t. </p>
<p>And I’m glad my parents encouraged me to make my own decisions. Sex has been a mostly wonderful component to my long-term relationships. I was NOT sexually compatible with my first fiance and we fought quite a bit over it. We ended up breaking up with that being a rather large component. It would’ve been terrible to have actually gone through with that marriage (there were other issues, that was just a major one). I’m so glad I learned before.</p>
<p>
No, the purpose of speaking with a sex counsellor is not to say I’ll do technique yada yada and I won’t do rada rada. It’s about communicating what you’re interested in. What you want from your partner. What you’re afraid of. What you’re uncertain of. Things of that nature. It’s not a simple as “I’ll do techniques A, B, and C but no way will I do X, Y or Z.” Sexually compatibility is important in a marriage, but a sexual disconnect should not be treated as an “end all, be all”. The couple should address this disconnect and see if thy can move forward from it. </p>
<p>Have you be to a sex therapist, Pizzagirl. I feel your views toward them may be skewed because you don’t know much about them.
You’re just closed off to these ideas because I’m the one who is saying it.</p>
<p>
romani, I have never said that talking about sex an having sex is the same thing. Quote on when I did. </p>
<p>Seriously. Tell me when I said that. I’m just done with all the jumping to conclusions.</p>
<p>Studies of Abstinence Education</p>
<p>“This paper discusses 22 studies of abstinence education. Sixteen studies examined abstinence programs that were primarily intended to teach abstinence. Of these 16 studies, 12 reported positive findings. The other six studies analyzed virginity pledges, and of these six studies, five reported positive findings. Overall, 17 of the 22 studies reported statistically significant positive results, such as delayed sexual initiation and reduced levels of early sexual activity, among youths who have received abstinence education. Five studies did not report any significant results.”</p>
<p>[Evidence</a> on the Effectiveness of Abstinence Education: An Update](<a href=“http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2010/02/evidence-on-the-effectiveness-of-abstinence-education-an-update]Evidence”>http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2010/02/evidence-on-the-effectiveness-of-abstinence-education-an-update)</p>
<p>Conclusion</p>
<p>“Today’s young people face strong peer pressure to engage in risky behavior and must navigate media and popular culture that endorse and even glamorize permissiveness and casual sex. Alarmingly, the government implicitly supports these messages by funding programs that promote contraception and “safe-sex.”
In FY2008, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services spent $610.1 million on such programs targeting teens–at least four times what it spent on abstinence education.[64] Regrettably, last year, the Obama Administration and Congress disregarded the social scientific evidence on abstinence education and eliminated all federal funding for it. Instead, they created additional funding for comprehensive sex education. In his FY2011 budget, the President proposed to increase spending on these programs.
Although 80 percent of parents want schools to teach youths to abstain from sexual activity until they are in a committed adult romantic relationship nearing marriage–the core message of abstinence education–these parental values are rarely communicated in the classroom.[65]
In the classroom, the prevailing mentality often condones teen sexual activity as long as youths use contraceptives. Abstinence is usually mentioned only in passing, if at all.[66] Sadly, many teens who need to learn about the benefits of abstaining from sexual activity during the teenage years never hear them, and many students who choose to abstain fail to receive adequate support for their decisions.
Teen sexual activity is costly, not just for teens, but also for society. Teens who engage in sexual activity risk a host of negative outcomes including STD infection, emotional and psychological harm, lower educational attainment, and out-of-wedlock childbearing.
Genuine abstinence education is therefore crucial to the physical and psycho-emotional well-being of the nation’s youth. In addition to teaching the benefits of abstaining from sexual activity until marriage, abstinence programs focus on developing character traits that prepare youths for future-oriented goals.
When considering effective prevention programs aimed at changing teen sexual behavior, lawmakers should consider all of the available empirical evidence and restore funding for abstinence education.”</p>