NYU Supplement Essay- Proofreading/Editing request

Applying to College
1

<p>What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.</p>

<p>She isn’t Emily Dickson, but she’s an influencing author. She doesn’t write old literature, but she does write modern novels that intrigue me. Jodi Piccoult writes books that address issues unique to today. Piccoult novels compel me to immerse myself into a story. She makes me question our society and ask, “What if?” Piccoult novels intrigue me mostly because their insightful and suspenseful. Her books are very impactful and they need time to sink in, I can’t just jump into a new novel after reading one of her books. The syncing together of atypical characters and provocative topics while enveloping them in intense situations is Piccoult’s specialty, making her books that much more intriguing to me. </p>

<p>My Sister’s Keeper is my favorite thought-provoking book from Piccoult’s collection. Would I ever say no to helping my sisters in a life or death situation? Never. Have I ever been in that situation? No. That’s what Jodi Piccoult novels do, they simulate those scenarios. Somehow I was still thinking about the characters long after I read My Sister’s Keeper. I learned something that I didn’t expect to and it was that my sisters and I aren’t perfect, but “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not,” (From My Sister’ Keeper) because you don’t know when they’ll be taken from you. Seemingly, this was a small lesson to learn, but there were more themes throughout the novel, but this was the most significant to me.</p>

2

<p>*take everything with a grain of salt. Just doing a quick commentary. If I don’t phrase things nicely, don’t take offense please(x</p>

<p>First two sentences are unnecessary. You need a stronger hook. Don’t talk about what Jodi Piccolo isn’t. It seems like you’re bashing her.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t use the word “intrigue” if it’s already used in the prompt. It sounds too straightforward. Find different words.</p>

<p>Change: Her books are very impactful and they need time to sink in; I can’t just jump into a new novel after reading one of her books. (semicolon is needed if you are combining two complete sentences)
Also, impactful is not a word. Actually, I think this sentence is unnecessary. Maybe take it out completely.</p>

<p>“syncing together” is repetitive. Just say “syncing”. Well actually, I think that sounds strange. Like sinking. Maybe find a different word. </p>

<p>You say things like "She makes me question our society and ask, “What if?” " but there is like no concrete examples to back that up. Instead of saying that, just give an actual example. The reader has no idea what you’re talking about or why she makes you ask “what if?”</p>

<p>In general, the whole first paragraph is kind of just vague descriptions. You can make it a lot stronger by talking about specifics that will help the reader understand what you go through when you read Piccoult.</p>

<p>I would keep from using rhetorical sentences unless they serve a real purpose.
And don’t just say “life or death situation”. Say what it actually is. Like “dying from cancer” or whatever. And not just “no to helping” but like “no to donating a piece of my liver if it means protecting my sister” or something.</p>

<p>Also, what you learned from the book seems a bit cheesy. Maybe pick something else you learned? But if you keep it, maybe give an example of how you now appreciate your sister more.</p>

<p>Overall, you have the right idea and you are addressing the prompt. But it’s so vague. If you provide more vivid descriptions it would make it a lot better.</p>

<p>Good luck! I can check again later if you make any corrections.</p>