My daughter is in middle school, and she’s been playing flute for about four years without private lessons, and she just started oboe this year with private lessons. As much as she loves both instruments, and understand she has to fully commit to just one. I don’t approve of the idea of paying for private lessons for both instruments, and her being involved in advanced orchestras with both instruments. She wants to commit to one in an advanced way, and another in a fun way(school bands…), and I agree too. Which instrument would benefit her the best?
Which instrument does she like best?
Flute is played by a lot of people… for an auditions standpoint-- oboe. It’s ultimately which one she likes better.
Oboe is a bit harder than the flute, because instead of having to blow through the embouchure hole, you have to squeeze the air into a tiny reed at the top. The fingering is similar, but the embouchure is much different; since with flutes, it’s the sound vibration, and with oboes, it’s the vibration from blowing directly into the reed that creates the sound. A lot of musicians I know play the flute first and then transition to the oboe.
I would suggest that the advanced way be oboe plus the private lessons like she is currently doing, while the “fun way” (school bands) be flute.
About the private lessons for flute, I’m quoting a very good article regarding why private lessons are needed for those who are self-taught flautists. Even going to a private teacher ** once monthly ** would help ** immensely, **since you mention that you don’t approve of the idea of paying for two sets of private lessons. You can also look into group classes. There’s a flute class in my area with an experienced teacher where the price is quite cheap (less than $10 per hour), and there are about 5 other students in the class, so less pricey options do exist. I’m sure your daughter is very good at the flute, but I’m linking this article just for your reference.
Link is here: http://www.jennifercluff.com/wanting.htm#without.
People are missing the point.
The one she likes best. 
Nothing else should enter the equation. If you select an instrument based upon how a hypothetical AO/orchestra leader/conservatory will view it, you are setting yourself up for failure.
I agree that she should concentrate on the one she likes best. If she likes them both the same, it’s probably true that the oboe offers some additional opportunities, because there just aren’t as many of them. But that has a flip side, especially if she isn’t a super-talented player–if you’re auditioning for a band or orchestra, there may only be one slot for an oboe, while there are multiple flute seats (especially in a band).
The flute may make a better fun instrument for a couple of other reasons–you can play flute in a marching band, but (usually) not an oboe.
I played oboe for 4 years since starting in middle school as well. I can tell you that oboe is a very expensive instrument to play, maintain and learn. Reeds can cost $20-$30 a piece, don’t always work to your liking and degrade easily if you don’t break them. The oboe itself is expensive as well, a good beginner oboe costs a minimum of $2500 and a preferable one to use during college years would cost a minimum of $5000.
I can probably say I spent at least $2000 on reeds and equipment since starting oboe. But overall, it’s been a great frustrating experience and a lot of fun to play. I got to play in pit orchestra as a freshmen in high school this year and it was one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had.
For my school’s band program, if I wanted to stay in the band program next year, marching band would be a requirement. So I took up flute. I got a $90 Gemeinhardt 2SP off eBay that retails for about $300. I took it to a repair shop and got everything overhauled for just under $100. Great, now I have a working good flute for less than $200 vs $3000 finicky oboe w/ $30 reeds.
I self taught flute for the past month. It’s 1000x easier than oboe and I actually sound decent. The fingerings are similar to oboe, except for a few differences. I’ve got a pretty good grasp of it and the only trouble right now are high notes that are common in marching band music. And I’ll be the only male flute player in the marching band out of 22 flutes, so that’ll be fun.
She should choose to focus on the instrument that she prefers if you only want to pay for private lessons for one instrument. My daughter plays several instruments (practices five different instruments daily including piano). Over the years she has taken private lessons for all of them, though not weekly for all over all of the years she has been playing. She would love to take on more instruments. But now that she is heading off to college she is planning to refocus on her first loves–flute for concert bands and tenor sax for jazz bands. And she is not planning to major in music–just loves it.