OCD- Really need help and advice

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi parents,</p>

<p>I’m in desperate need of help here. My sister (14) is suffering through a serious case of OCD- to be more specific, “scrupulosity”…basically all of her compulsions and intrusive thoughts are about religion/god. We didn’t grow up in a religious household, so this seems strange to me. Anyway she is seeing a therapist and psychiatrist, and she is on anti-depressants. However, she is still having a really really rough time. It is getting in the way of her life. She has problems with showering and going to the bathroom, both of those things trigger her so she will avoid it as much as possible, which is obviously not healthy or clean. But every time my parents try to make her take a shower she has a melt down. I feel so horrible for her, and she feels horrible herself. She feels like she is putting the family throughout a ton of stress (which she is) but she just can’t help it. There’s no reasoning with her when she is having these thoughts. And I’m depressed because I know that her mind is being tortured and she never gets a break from it. She is a sweet, loving, and gentle kid and I can’t watch her suffer. She told me her mind is NEVER resting from these thoughts and it broke my heart.</p>

<p>Obviously my parents are dealing with the therapists and stuff, I have no say/contribution in that. But I’d love to hear from anybody who has OCD or a family member who does. What should I do to help? I try to talk to her but she rarely wants to. I’m at a loss here and I’m dealing with my own major health problems (on bedrest recovering from an orthopedic surgery) so between my problems and hers, my family is losing it and falling apart. I’m miserable during this 9 month recovery, in tons of pain, isolated, can’t do anything for myself anymore…but I would double all of my problems if it meant I could take away hers. Ugh. I need ANY help and advice you can offer, especially if you know anything about “scrupulosity”…not sure if I’m even spelling it right. Thank you so much if you read though this all and I appreciate any help.</p>

2

<p>I wish I had some great advice for you. I really sympathize with your family and your sister. Unfortunately, this is going to be something between your sister and her therapists. The most you can really do is support your family and sister. Keep your spirits up and be super positive–that helps more than you could ever imagine for everyone around you.</p>

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<p>I think the issue is to get treatment as much as possible, and then simply? learn to “accept” it…which is a great deal more easily said than done. You hit the nail on the head when you said “she just can’t help it”. And it is heartbreaking. God bless you. </p>

<p>PS: a lot of the medications use for these things seem to make things worse, either directly, or with side effects. There is a lot of trial and error here, and the physicians depend on family feedback regarding the recent behaviors to make decisions. </p>

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<p>OP, do you remember when on an airplane they tell you to put the oxygen mask on you first, then help people? It’s the same thing here. Of course you want to help your sister, but you are hurting too and have your own stresses to deal with. It seems that she and your parents have help from therapists- but my advice would be for you to seek help too. </p>

<p>When one family member has a serious emotional disorder, it affects the whole family. It would also be natural for your parents to focus more on her than you, since this is a crisis. As much as they love you both, they are probably stressed and drained.</p>

<p>If you are in college- go to student health counseling, and if not, also see a therapist at home. You don’t have to go to the one your family goes to. You can have your own. It may be a good idea to give consent for the therapists to consult each other.</p>

<p>By taking care of yourself, and getting support, you will be able to live your own life while also learning effective ways to be compassionate and supportive to your sister. </p>

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<p>Thank you all so much for your very kind answers. I appreciate that you all replied and I’m taking into consideration all that you’ve said. I am trying to be as positive around my family as possible, but I do think I should probably seek help too.</p>

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<p>OP, first let me say how much I sympathize with you. My daughter has OCD, and I know how difficult it is to see someone you love suffer so much.</p>

<p>My daughter was diagnosed with OCD when she was eleven. She is now 22, and the intervening years have been filled with both good days and bad days, long stretches when the OCD lay dormant and other times when it reared its ugly head. In spite of the OCD, my daughter has accomplished great things, but it wasn’t easy, by any means.</p>

<p>As you rightly understand, you have neither the responsibility nor the ability to fix your sister–but you also seem to instinctively understand that learning something about OCD will help you to be supportive of her and to deal with your own pain. You might start with the website of the International OCD Foundation (<a href=“http://www.ocfoundation.org”>www.ocfoundation.org</a>) or look for other sources of information online.</p>

<p>As other posters have said, your first responsibility right now is to yourself and managing your own health problems. Perhaps it would help for you to speak to a therapist, so you don’t feel so overwhelmed and isolated. In the meantime, I wish for relief for your sister and all the best for you and your family.</p>

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<p>You are a kind and caring sibling, and I wish the best to you, your sister and your parents.</p>

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<p>Thank you VH :slight_smile: , and LadyLorna, it’s nice to hear of a success story- I’m glad your daughter has accomplished great things and I hope my sister will as well. It also calmed me to know that sometimes it lay dormant- I hope my sister will get this relief every so often. Wishing the best for you and your family! </p>

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<p>Also, I just want to clarify why I haven’t been in therapy. I mentioned in the first post that I’m recovering from major orthopedic surgery. I’m in a wheelchair, and this recovery will take until at least December. It’s such a process for me to get out of the house, and I can’t drive right now so I’d have to rely on my parents. If I asked them for that, I just don’t know that they could handle it. So for now I am coping and waiting for things to calm down before I ask to see a therapist myself. </p>

<p>I’m overwhelmed with how nice you all have been and am very touched by your kind words. Thank you. =D> </p>

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<p>I wonder if there is a therapist who would agree to phone sessions with you. </p>

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<p>@VeryHappy, I think I am going to look into that. I feel like there should be some therapist somewhere who would be willing to do that. </p>

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<p>Hey guys, I have another question/problem that popped up. My sister gets very freaked out by touching anybody, especially hugs. We haven’t told many people about her OCD, only one aunt who is very close to us. How can she avoid a hug when extended family comes over? We might tell the grandparents at some point, but we would never tell like the great aunts or second cousins, etc. All of those very extended family members are planning visits to come see me, and I don’t want her to be upset after they give her a big hug and kiss when they see her too. She sometimes tells people “Oh, I have a cold.” but lying “bothers” her too. Ahhhh this is a sticky situation, I wish hugging wasn’t such a prevalent custom! Any suggestions? </p>

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<p>Although it may be hard to talk about her OCD, sometimes honesty is the best policy. If it were me (and sometimes it has been), I’d just avoid the contact, smile, and provide a short apologetic explanation, “I’m sorry. Hugging is too much for me right now. I’m working on it. Don’t worry. It’s not you. It’s me.” And then move on. There’s no need to get into it. But it may also help your sister to come out of the closet a little bit about her OCD. She will probably be surprised at how understanding people are. </p>

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<p>She could always say “Sorry, I might be coming down with something, so I don’t want to get too close” People will probably back off very quickly.</p>

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<p>An article in today’s news</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/31/health/ocd-scrupulosity-religion/index.html?hpt=hp_bn13”>http://www.cnn.com/2014/05/31/health/ocd-scrupulosity-religion/index.html?hpt=hp_bn13&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I don’t know if this would help your sister or offend her, but this cartoon was in the New York Times yesterday. (The artist just passed away.) It’s almost as if it’s addressing someone with the type of OCD your sister has – in a humorous way.</p>

<p><a href=“Charles Barsotti, Cartoonist With Humor Both Simple and Absurd, Dies at 80 - The New York Times”>Charles Barsotti, Cartoonist With Humor Both Simple and Absurd, Dies at 80 - The New York Times;

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<p>OP - I’m OCD as well. I don’t think it’s to the same… level as your sister … but everyone is OC about different things. Funny thing is, I have no problem leaving my dirty clothes on the floor till it’s time to do laundry. That doesn’t bug me. I’ll leave my dirty dishes in the sink till it’s full - that doesn’t bug me either. I might actually come across as somewhat of a slob. </p>

<p>It drives me up a wall when things aren’t lined up exactly right, when things are uneven, when things aren’t in (what I would consider) to be the proper order. My sister loves to put her sleeves at different lengths just to get me going. Everything in my house has to have a place. I don’t want you to hug me. (There are certain exceptions to this rule). Just give me a high five or something. Everything has to match. (I actually have a coat that specifically matches every outfit… I have green jackets, purple jackets, red jackets, plaid jackets, black jackets, etc. An entire closet just of coats.) It annoys the heck out of me that telephone poles aren’t evenly spaced along roads. I stay up all night thinking about the most trivial of things.</p>

<p>If I’m at work, all of our spreadsheets and documents need to be formatted the same. Somebody did a presentation the other week with say 1999 on the left part of a slide and 1998 on the right part of a slide and I actually went up to the presenter after the meeting and asked him if it could be corrected to read 1998 on the left and 1999 on the right just like a normal timeline would read. He said he did it on purpose. I looked at him like he had two heads. :)</p>

<p>When I get in super crazy OCD mode, I come up with a better way to organize things at my house and I’ll tear apart my house and re-organize the entire thing. Furniture winds up in different rooms, drawers are swapped, etc.</p>

<p>If you can’t tell from the above, it doesn’t take long for my friends or co-workers to pick up on my OCDisms. </p>

<p>Advice to your sister? take those “quirks” … own them… and use them for the good. I know she’s young but…</p>

<p>If I’m at your house and your stuff is out of order, I’ll fix it… and no, i’m not sorry for this. It should have been lined up in the first place! Plus, you knew I was coming and you knew I’d notice and you knew I’d fix it! I’m probably the most detail oriented person that I know at work. When it comes to projects, I’ll get things organized and put together very quickly because it comes naturally to me. I’m a great interior decorator. I get tons of great praise on my house. Everything is streamlined, simple, and organized to a T. Have her make a list of things that she’s OCD about that can be considered great qualities instead of debilitating qualities… then she can work to to contain these ‘urges’ and focus them on something that looks for that type of quality.</p>

<p>here’s a nice article that i just found - <a href=“http://www.esmewang.com/ocd-quite-possibly-the-best-thing-about-me/”>http://www.esmewang.com/ocd-quite-possibly-the-best-thing-about-me/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;