<p>“I think what most bothers me is the fact that she’s too confident.”</p>
<p>Well, that’s at the center of the matter. When my sister had ONE infant in the hospital, she was a nervous wreck, sleeping in a chair by the bed, and almost lost her job because she wouldn’t leave the baby to go to work. And my niece had a curable illness, she was not premature and fighting for her life. Anyone with healthy parenting instincts would be in emotional pieces watching her babies struggle in the NICU with all the tubes attached. If you are happy as a clam with a baby in the NICU, you don’t really care about that baby.</p>
<p>Papengena, I just want to tell you that I think your posts have been very valuable on this thread. You have provided wisdom and insight that has really helped me to understand the octuplets’ situation better and I thank you for taking the time to do so. I hope to get to “know” you better on other threads, as well.</p>
<p>Papengena, you have brought the experience of having three infants at once, and one with special needs, to us here and it is so obvious that that alone was very very difficult and so there is no way anyone could handle that alone with 8 at once, let alone with six others. No way. Even if she was the most fab mom in the world. It is not physically possible. She will be up most of the nights too. The fact that she doesn’t seem worried as to how she will handle it or the fact that she thinks she’ll be able to go to school so bluntly reinforces her mental illness in this situation. Even if she was mentally healthy, i believe social services would get involved but they will surely get involved now. </p>
<p>Hanna…I agree with you and others about how this woman comes off “too confident”. One would think she’d be very worried how she’d handle it all…I know I would be if it were me. And your example of just the time with the babies in the NICU…that would make most moms worried sick. I have not nearly experienced that. But four years ago, I experienced my 16 year old in Intensive Care hooked up to many machines where many things could go wrong and also through a surgery she had. Never in my life have I felt as I did then sleeping and staying 10 days in the hospital with her. I could not sleep…I watched the machines constantly and my nerves were a wreck. That was just one child.</p>
<p>IIRC, Dateline said that this is disability money that she gets for the special needs children. I’ve not heard of this before. Is it common to get disability for special needs children? Is she getting this because she’s disabled? I might have heard this incorrectly. Anyone else hear it?
In the interview on Dateline last night, she talked about having one autistic child and then mentioned that another child seems to be showing signs (she said slight signs) of having autism. I feel sorry for these kids. I really think this woman is in over her head.</p>
suggests that either she was working at that facility until 2006, or was on LTD (long term disability) until 2006. That was only 2-3 yrs ago (depending on when in 2006 it stopped) and she already had several kids by that time.</p>
<p>Thank you zoozersmom:) I am by no means the expert on all multiple famililes, lol. But, I do know what my own situation has been. So, if this helps shed any type of window into a family with multiples then I’m glad its helpful. I am actually sick to my stomach when I watch her speak, lol. I watched Jon & Kate +8 once and had the same feeling. I was sick to my stomach just watching that family. I think at least they have 2 functioning brains, she’s a nurse…there are alot of factors in their favor to raise those kids well. But, that early bonding time, is just limited with each additional baby. There just isn’t time to lay in bed ooooh and ahhhhing for endless hours with each baby…time is filled up with bottles, laundry, feeding and bathing. What also ends up happening…when freinds and family come over to help…lol, they don’t necessarily want to be cleaning the house, or doing the laundry…they want to sit and feed the babies…which is still helpful, but I always wanted to have the time to just sit and feed them one at a time, lol. The first thing people would do is run to claim a baby, lol. Even if I did try to go up to take a nap, I’d hear crying and couldn’t sleep…I’d have to come down to see if everyone was able to keep up with everything. Its just a fact that babies are like that. I don’t think I was a particularly overwhelmed mom…I was just tired. My youngest had to stay in the hospital for 1 extra week, because of his size…they wouldn’t release him until he got to 5lbs. I was devastated leaving with the other 2, and he was left behind. The insurance company wouldn’t let us stay in any longer:(…bad insurance company!! So, I spent that week, feeling nothing but horrendous guilt. If I were at the hospital feeding baby c, I was heartsick about not being there to feed baby A & B…and vice versa. The best day ever was when I brought him home:) A & B were in one crib together…the second I put C in with them, they all squiggled their way into each other…lol, into a little ball of babies! They missed him!! The first few weeks, we could go into look at them in the crib, and it wasn’t unusual to see someone elses finger in another mouth:). There are some very amazing things about multiples…but, again…even only having triplets…there just wasnt enough time!!! And thats with plenty of money, loads of family and friends…etc. Honestly when I think of what she’s done, I get chills. My husband said he’s getting close to “banning” me from watching her anymore, haha. He said, she’s insane and you are trying to figure out a rational reason for what she’s done…thats pointless…lol He has a good point.</p>
<p>I just saw a promo that Dr. Phil is going to do a piece on this woman and what her number one problem is, inside the office of her doctor, as well as views of the home. </p>
<p>This is on today’s episode if anyone is interested!</p>
<p>papengena, what a sweet memory of your three children snuggling together! I agree with others that you offer a real perspective into the world of raising multiples and disabled children. </p>
<p>I would call Suleman arrogant, rather than confident. Not only is she dangerously sure that she will be able to care for her family, she is willing to chastise other parents who, like her, do not “stop their lives” for their children, and she opines that her critics are responding only to her status as a single mom! I have not seen the latest clips, not sure I can take any more of her.</p>
<p>Now that the latest story is that she paid for multiple IVF attempts, how is it that the same father provided sperm each time? This made sense only if all the babies resulted from a single, high-yield cycle with many later frozen embryo transfers. I wonder whether this clinic even had the ability to freeze excess embryos? If not, that could explain (but not justify) the transfer of large numbers.</p>
<p>The 6-year-old has a better handle on reality than her mother does!</p>
<p>Zoos,
It’ll be interesting to see what good ol’ Dr. Phil has to say, since I suspect he’s had an opportunity to review far more videos (unedited), interviews, and data that the station’s research crew has been able to access than any of the rest of us are privvy to. I’ve only seen bits and pieces of snipits of aired clips. I think her facial expressions are affected by her collagen lips and who knows what else, so I wouldnt want to overinterpret the somewat flat affect. Behaviorally, as I said many pages ago, her focus is on herself, not her kids (as she claims)-- having all these kids to fill a supposed void in her life, talking about what “she” wanted as opposed to what’s best for the kids or her family, having plastic surgery, etc is all very self-focused (apologies to anyone who has had plastic surgery). </p>
<p>I dont know anything about her childhood, so dont know if she was indulged. Many “onlies” (not all-- so those of you who are only children or who have only children, please dont jump on me) don’t have as much experience in learning to share, to have empathy, to wait their turn, to delay gratification, to think about the needs of others before themselves, etc. She “says” she is thinking about her kids, but her perception and judgement seems very flawed. She seems very self-focused.</p>
<p>Something I read said she’d been treated for depression and PTSD after the incident in the MH facility where she injured her back. She was also going through a divorce at that time. Have to wonder if her obsession with having children after her ectopic pregnancy, fibroids, divorce, injury, etc was her way of trying to take back control of her life since so many things were out of her control. She went WAY overboard in controlling the opportunity to have children, and did not think about the long term consequences. Sometimes people have a need to be needed, and bearing lots of kids meets that need.</p>
<p>By the way, I am guessing that if there was a denial for her initial application for disability benefits and she had to file an appeal, or had to have a hearing (if it works in CA the way it works here), the records associated with her application for disablity benefits are probably public record and accessible to Dr. Phil’s research crew. Also, sometimes when a person is on disability for a long time, the company will hire PI’s to follow them and take photos or videos of their routines and activities, as, sadly, many people do abuse the system. I have to wonder if that wasn’t done here, with photos being taken of her pregnant and carrying kids. Her disability was probably reviewed and discontinued when she no longer met criteria for the benefit.</p>
<p>For a while. Then the kids become – or try to become – independent and, as we have all seen and experienced, all hell can break loose. Can you imagine dealing with eight teenagers at once? Actually, no – I think she’ll have 14 teenagers all at once!</p>
<p>VH-
While she will have many teens around there (if she is permitted to keep all these kids) she will have several special needs kids who will continue to be dependent on her, which will meet that “need to be needed”.</p>
<p>One last musing before I try to get some work done(!). Some people have had, or believe they have had, a traumatic, dysfunctional upbringing, and think they can fix that by being the “ideal” parent to their own kids (“I wont do to my kids what my parents did to me”). They in essence are using their kids to “fix” their own personal flaws, and living through the lives of their children. So again, the children exist as an extension of themselves and for the purpose of “fixing” some historical, familial or character flaw within themselves. Sadly, you ended up with more unhealthy kids in this next generation…</p>
<p>In the world of animal rescue, such people are called “collectors.” </p>
<p>You know, those people who are found to be living in a house with 50 animals whose needs they simply cannot keep up with?</p>
<p>I hate to think what the future of those kids will be. Either they have to be split up among foster/adoptive families, probably in pairs, or some benevolent entity has to provide them with a large enough house and enough childcare assistance to see that they are adequately taken care of. And “adequately” will probably mean cleaned and fed, period.</p>
<p>Sorry but I just need to respond when I see psychobabble. I’m not defending this woman but your opinions about onlies is completely offbase. Neither my kids nor I are onlies but I completely disagree.</p>
<p>Just because you acknowledge there might be an exception to your rule doesn’t make it less offensive. Any claim, that is not substantiated by evidence and goes like “I’m not saying all X are like this, but most of those people are…” is usually offensive. </p>
<p>The research does not support your claim at all.</p>
<p>^^ Starbright. While I have not stayed current on the research on “onlies”, this was well documented during my graduate training. As I said, this is a general statement, and not necessarily applicable to a particular individual. Group data reasearch and individual data differ.</p>
<p>Sorry if you found that offensive, and I never said this was “rule” by any means, but the research <em>did</em> support this statement. It isn’t “off base” at all. Are you perchance a developmental specialist? Where are you getting your data? </p>
<p>I believe there has been some resurgence of research in this area with the increase in homeschooling, to evaluate socialization in these kids. If you have peer reviewed literature to the opposite, please feel free to post a link. It would be interesting reading.</p>