I am the only person my husband ever corresponded with on OKCupid. He was frustrated paying for Match and not getting anywhere. So he went to OKCupid because it was free, put some pictures up, and planned to write the rest of his profile later. I liked one of the pictures, and that was that. He took his profile down within a few weeks without ever filling it in.
What distance radius is reasonable to search for these apps? They have the option to search 50 miles or more. What is the cutoff to where a relationship becomes “long distance”?
@momsquad You can go in much tighter on some apps I believe. Like 10 miles or maybe even less. I would think it would depend on the population density in your area. In an urban area, 50 miles would be way too much. Even in a less populated area like I live in, do you really want to drive an hour every time you want to meet someone?
When D switched to OKCupid, she upped it to 50…and there he was, 45 miles away. They talked several times before the first date (which was a nice dinner out.) She came back and told me that was it, he was coming here for the next date, would meet the family.
My older friends meet for coffee first, to intentionally keep it short.
The whole thing, putting yourself out there, risking rejection based on a photo or just the right descriptions, sounds scary. I don’t know that this is for the timid.
My S met his GF of one year on Bumble and they describe their relationship as “long distance” – he lives in Brooklyn and she lives in Queens. Distance is relative!
Unfortunately we live in a sprawling suburban area with relatively few singles under 30. Expanding the range to 50 miles would encompass several university and professional urban zones. I guess the greater distance might encourage more thorough vetting before an actual meet-up, which could be a good thing.
People in Montana don’t consider 50 miles long distance.
“I guess the greater distance might encourage more thorough vetting before an actual meet-up, which could be a good thing”
One could always skype after “chatting” online and before meeting in person. At least you would know that there voice doesn’t drive you bonkers and that there isn’t a huge disconnect between the photos and reality before driving so far. 
That’s a good idea. They could also meet half way. It will be 30 minute drive. That is not bad.
First the League, I am guessing Ivy, then waitlist, and accepted. Do people really buy that cr*p?
So does anyone have a sense of what the differences among the various services are? Why would someone pick one over another? Or if someone is using a bunch of them, why would one be more successful than another?
As I said, I have the highest regard for what OK Cupid did for my kid. That’s just one data point; maybe it was dumb luck. But at least a few others here seem to have had the same dumb luck on that site . . .
@Iglooo, I have no idea what you mean by that comment. And, for the record, she is not a graduate of Ivy anything…actually never even applied. It’s just another platform to try and meet people. And @JHS, the only difference I have noticed is for platforms like Bumble, where the women have control over the initial conversation, or so I’m told, and sites like Coffee Meets Bagel which seems to curate the number of matches made visible per day. My D used OK Cupid in law school because it was one of the only free apps at the time. Met some nice people but she knew she was leaving the area and chose not to get involved with people who were committed to staying in that location.
Let’s say someone is nice looking, smart, good job, in the heart of a major metropolitan area…but never really dated, narrow interests, and socially awkward and uncomfortable - which of these sites would be least scary to work with? Or is it a lost cause?
The cynic in me thinks The League creates false scarcity (the waitlist) as a marketing ploy.
That, @doschicos, may very well be true.
“So does anyone have a sense of what the differences among the various services are? Why would someone pick one over another?”
It depends where you live and what you’re looking for.
There aren’t really nationwide patterns. The key is to figure out where the people you’re looking for gather in your area. This requires you to know what you’re looking for, which can be a process.
I really think with all these online dating apps, you really need to put yourself out there still from why I’ve gathered, especially if you are a guy. My understanding is that females can be more passive and will have guys reaching out to them but then you have to wade through those who aren’t your type or who are just looking to hook up when you’re looking for a relationship. It’s a lot of work still.
My understanding is Bumble isn’t really different than Tinder in how it functions with the gimmick being that it is the women in the driver’s seat. It’s still a “hot or not” swiping app driven mainly by superficial decisions made on looks.
Coffee Meets Bagel and The League limit the number of matches you get per day or week.
OKCupid allows you to create a full profile and answer a lot of questions then gives you match percentages. Therefore, it gives you something to go on besides just looks. You can show your personality, your humor, your interests in your profile that might result in looking below the “based purely on looks” thing.
D met her current and seems to be long term BF on Coffee Meets Bagel. Just like without online dating, she went out with a few guys from her matches. Started dating #1 regularly. #1 was pretty darn attractive. Liked him “fine.” He seemed to like her “fine”. She dated #1 regularly for a couple months. Decided to try #2 guy. Was dating them both for several weeks. At first thought #2 was a very nice guy, very sweet, easy to talk to, very smart - but he wasn’t as physically attractive so she didn’t count him in right away as “someone I want to date long term”. After several weeks of dating both she realized #1 while darn cute, was sort of darn boring - and while he still wanted to go out he wasn’t very committal or fully engaged in getting to know her, her interests, etc. One day she realized that it was #2 who was keeping her awake at night, who she smiled when she thought about him, who she couldn’t wait to spend time with again! Physical attraction can be an initial thing, but clicking and meshing with interests and lifestyles takes a little time!
She has been dating #2 now for several months and they are definitely a couple. He spend 2 days at our house over the holidays and she is flying to France in March where he is on an academic fellowship through May. They are not dating over morning phone dates and evening video chats over a glass of wine - one in Ohio, one in France!
She is not a risk taker. She would 100% promote online dating. She’s 29. Coffee Meets Bagel (and maybe others) also use your social media apps like Facebook to somehow assist match by matching you with people who may be “friends” with other friends of yours. So maybe not in your close circle, but perhaps a slight connection with someone you know. Not everyone but some matches.
@Marilyn, My friend’s son fits the profile you described. He had the best luck with Bumble, in which men post profiles and the women select who they would like to contact. It takes the pressure off of the men to distinguish themselves among the many men who contact each woman. Bumble probably works best in major metropolitan areas where more people are familiar with the different sites.
I read that Tinder may adopt more screening features, which would make it more appealing for people interested in long term partners. Tinder does allow people to post their educational and work history, plus space for more detailed biographic information. So a profile with just a photo sends a subtle message that the person is not necessarily looking for something other than physical attraction.
OkCupid has an extensive questionnaire but they do allow people to ‘skip’ questions to keep the filtering to a minimum. They also have a long list of questions for the biographic information, but it seems to backfire for some of the poor guys who provide too much information or ramble on about their insecurities. Sometimes less is more!
@abasket Thank you for sharing that, I’ve been wondering how to “advise” my daughter on the process of meeting multiple people (in person) simultaneously. We are both clueless about the etiquette of dating multiple people at once, and I am terribly old-fashioned. Is it assumed that this is happening, or should it be discussed openly after the first few dates?
“One day she realized that it was #2 who was keeping her awake at night, who she smiled when she thought about him, who she couldn’t wait to spend time with again! Physical attraction can be an initial thing, but clicking and meshing with interests and lifestyles takes a little time!”
Exactly why I think the more “hot or not” swipe right/left platforms might be limiting to finding a good match!