I can see that it’s a big step. You are going exclusive. I think it’s wise to parallel date for a while. Some people don’t know what they would like in a partner until after trying out a few.
As a parent, it’s difficult not to play matchmaker while looking at profiles. I found myself saying “what’s the matter with this guy?” a bit too much, so had to bow out. Most people post multiple photos of themselves. Sometimes the first 2 photos are charming, then the third one will be the guy holding his 2 assault rifles amidst beer cans, with a muscle shirt that shows his outspoken tattoos. And why do so many guys post photos of themselves with other women, clearly on a date? Or flipping the bird as the primary profile pic. I haven’t switched the settings to see what the women are posting, perhaps there is someone for everyone.
@momsquad I saw several where the first couple of posts made the guy look fairly young or at least the age range I had entered and then the next ones the guy aged at least 10 years. So, they apparently were using old photos and hoping to suck you in. Who do they think they are fooling? I did see one giving the finger as well as guns and photos with other girls. Definitely a theme there.
Kind of makes me curious as to what the females profiles are like. I’m sure they do silly things, too.
My daughter said many of the women post photos of themselves using SnapChat filters, which has some sort of skin smoothing effect that makes people look better. Reminds me of the Cat Stevens line, “if I can meet em I can get em”. Imagine the awkwardness of meeting someone in person after posting an overly flattering photo.
One thing that has been interesting is the number of college graduates who are employed far below their expected potential. Very many with 4 year degrees are working jobs that don’t require a college degree. Perhaps it’s just our area, but the low unemployment rate does not seem to translate to good jobs for every college graduate.
I have a friend older than me who did a lot of online dating in her 60s after a divorce (years before). She lied about her age because she said all the older guys lie about theirs! She saw herself as a real fox and liked younger men. The reality- not so much. She had a lot of health issues, and as much as I love her, I didn’t see her as a real catch for someone 10 years younger. I think in the older age groups there is a lot of lying about age- especially since the men want younger, more attractive women. Relationships are all a …shoot in many respects anyway. I mean, my ex son in law would look fantastic as a dating profile (doctor, musician, nice looking, likes cats) but in reality he’s an evil person!
Has anybody heard about experiences with this dating app? The League. Just heard about it. I would guess my offspring would find too type A, ambition driven.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/theodorecasey/2017/09/25/the-league-is-a-dating-app-that-doesnt-play-games/#5b5ea81e6a8a
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/10/26/5-secrets-behind-the-league-the-harvard-of-dating-apps/?utm_term=.e28d21ab4cc5
My D was referred to The League by a college friend and is currently on its “waitlist.” Weird to me, but I guess she’s giving all options a chance. Full disclosure, my D is Type A in her ambition, not so in her approach to life.
To me, it seems to play into people’s subconscious classism. I hope it doesn’t succeed. If it’s successful, it means classism is more entrenched in our society than I would like. I don’t see anything that The League filters out that you couldn’t through exchanging a few emails.
“I don’t see anything that The League filters out that you couldn’t through exchanging a few emails.”
I make no statement about any particular site, but if you’re an under-35 straight woman, exchanging a few emails with everyone who reaches out would leave no time in your day. You need some means to filter prior to the email stage, whether you’re doing it based on the profiles or the site is doing it somehow.
How about filtering out with looks and distance first to narrow it down to 5 or so to exchange emails? That can’t be too hard.
Any thoughts on sites/apps for people over 50?
“How about filtering out with looks and distance first to narrow it down to 5 or so to exchange emails?”
You’re framing this as a one-time project. If you’re looking for a partner, it’s an ongoing, months or years-long process. It’s a part-time job. Filtering by distance doesn’t help much if you live in a big metro area with millions of people within 10 miles.
@Hanna, amen. That is what my D tells me. And @Iglooo, those are two factors that would not likely eliminate enough parties in a large metropolitan area…think NYC. I don’t really know how all this works, all my info is second hand and she grows quickly weary of my questions. I know that it takes time, patience, and confidence to put yourself out there and you may have to go on many coffee/drink “dates” to meet anyone truly compatible enough to continue dating. Not to mention doing this when you have very little free personal time to begin with. It’s a different world.
DD tried it. Ended up canceling it along with her other dating apps. I don’t think she found the people there so different from who she was meeting on Tinder.
I doubt the way The League does things (limiting membership based on certain educational and career attainments, using Linkedin, etc.) rules out having to deal with pompous or arrogant jerks. In fact, I could envision how it could make that more of an issue.
DD tried OK Cupid while in grad school 5 years ago in Manhattan. Met her now fiancé within 2 weeks of signing up. You never know…
No insights about OK Cupid vs anywhere else, just anecdotal evidence here.
Update - met my D for a drink tonight and she had been “accepted” for The League. Showed me a couple of matches and, to be honest, they looked like the same guys she’d been matching with on other sites…as a matter of fact, i think one was a guy she’d already “matched” with on another one of them. I think she’s just using all the tools at her disposal to meet a nice, interesting, active guy.
Both of mine met their partners online. D1 was on Tinder for a few weeks, met some great guys.It wasn’t so much that Tinder was about first-meet hookups, but the expectation that, with the third date, you were agreeing. She got tired of the number of guys, at the time, who made it clear they wanted sex more than a relationship. Within a few days of switching to OKCupid, she met the keeper. YMMV.
Ironically, they have more in common than any questionnaire could identify. Uncanny.
I have older friends on “Our Time.” They say you have to go through a number of duds to find the great ones. But they all found some really nice guys.
One thing everyone seems to say is, don’t describe yourself as looking for “fun.” That’s code.
I have heard that people will use 3 or 4 different sites and bump into the same people again and again.