I just flew to see one of mine that I have been a little worried about. Wanted to see her face to face, and we are just winding up a good weekend together. She seems fine – whew.
We were thrilled to see both kids for Mother’s Day. Both seemed healthy and happy, which is really what I/we want. I feel so fortunate! We all flew to be together in SF and shared some nice meals and times.
I try not to worry much and they are 2500 and 5000 miles away. Both seem to be finding their way.
After reading the above posts, I feel I tend toward the masculine thoughts- probably always have in life which could explain a lot about my role as a woman in a man’s world.
A thought- Did worrying ever help the person you worry about? What stress on your body does worry induce? What message does that relay to our kids who we want to be self reliant?
I tend not to worry about my kids, as they are VERY self-reliant and resilient. I try to transfer any worrying into “helping” when it is constructive, including helping clarify D’s medical insurance, working with insurer, fed govt and US senator’s office to do it. D, H, and I were grateful it FINALLY paid off and I was able to get it clarified after 8 months. Now to get the appropriate paperwork finalized from the powers that be so we can all stop dealing with this and get providers properly paid.
Didn’t mention, #78, that D2 just came off a two week disability for severe depression. It seems she had a bad reaction to a drug or combination of drugs prescribed by her doctor… She stopped taking them, after consulting Doctor, and has been much better. She is also seeing a therapist.
It really concerns me because she did not let us know the depths of her despair. She said she did not want to scare us. She finally called us to let us know she would be out of her job and to let us know how she was feeling. She came home the weekend before but only briefly showed a very down mood. I attributed it to something we were talking about. A lot of the weekend was fun.
So it seems each of my kids have issues that aren’t predictable. Yes I worry!
On second thought- I guess the word worry may mean different things to people. Worry may indeed mean to think of how to help and not just anxiety worry. I guess I was interpreting that the OP meant the latter and not the former. My apologies. I can see how worry has helped the kids in the above posts.
Most of the time I worry about my kids, they don’t know I’m worrying. I’m not calling, texting, emailing them. DH is the one who hears my concerns.
I think that “explaining” to people that worry does not actually change anything is a little condescending–like whoa! I never thought that before–now I’ll stop worrying! Whew!
I mean, if someone is the type of person that worries, surely they’ve been 'splained numerous times before that “worry never changed anything.” (Just a thought.)
For some of us, worry is what motivates us to problem-solve. It brings our minds back to a situation, over and over, and we think about the situation from different viewpoints. And sometimes, this leads to constructive ideas.
Of course, there are people out there who can accomplish the same things without worrying. I admire them. I will never be one of them.
This, a billion times this. I think that many worriers (myself included) know all of this, and we worry anyway. We’re not stupid, we’re just worried.
Yes, I worry about my D, even though she’s resilient, happy, and doing well. Yes, I track her plane when she’s flying. And yes, I’m that mom who, when her text isn’t returned in a few hours, immediately imagines fiery auto crashes or freakish serious accidents (not boring client meetings or prior engagements.) I joke that (not answering a text) = (death). There are no other options.
I told D I’m sure she and her brother are constantly losing their phones as neither dad not I can conceive of any other reason for them nor to respond to calls or texts. She laughed and said yea, they are constantly losing their phones! She has since been MUCH better at answering phone calls and texts. 
21yo ds2 is home for a couple of weeks before moving to another city for an internship. Last night, he went to a friend’s house after 9 p.m. so I knew he’d be home late. Amazingly, I feel asleep like no big deal. Then he texted to say he’d be leaving soon. I fell back asleep. Then he texted 40ish minutes later to say he really was leaving. I fell back asleep, but asked him to come to my room and let me know when he got home. He woke me up when he got here.
There was a time when I would not have been able to fall asleep with him out, and a time when I definitely wouldn’t have been able to fall back asleep until I knew he was home. I think that’s progress!!!
Of course I worry, but not about the same stuff as when she was little. Yes, I have to talk myself down too, or my H will do it for me.
I have one son that communicates well, and the other, let’s just say not so much. BUT, when I send a message that says “alive” my son does answer right away (or as soon as he can). He may say “I’m riding around in the back of someone’s van eating candy” but he will answer.
I probably worry more than most people. Part of it is inherent but part is due to my job…I am exposed to lots of information re of very unusual injuries &/or criminal action so things like dump trucks losing their brakes, or a wire through the eye, or criminals who walk around testing doors is all “real” to me.
I’m worrying about a kid who’s not mine! D just broke off a 5 year relationship, she’s doing fine. I’m really proud of her, she’s really finding herself and foraging new friendships.
Her ex, on the other hand is not taking this well. There are many reasons why my D broke off her relationship and her ex had plenty of notice. But he does not have a supportive family and it’s really sad. I worry and hope he finds his way and has a happy life. I’m not so sure he will though.
And that makes me terribly sad. D did the right thing, I know that.
Hugs @deb922. It’s nice that you’re worried about the young man, in addition to your own child.
It sounds like they shouldn’t be together, but maybe after some amount of time you or she can check on him/be his friend. I hope it works out OK for both of them.
If I knew where the “off” switch is on my worry machine, I’d hit it.
Right there with all of you worriers! Oddly, I’m pretty good about not worrying about bodily harm to my young adult sons, but I worry endlessly about logistical issues. Like my son having an internship in another city has been a three month worrying stint (where will he live, how much will it cost, how will he get his stuff there, what if the futon in the apartment is hard as a rock, how will he get to his job from said apartment, rent on a credit card or do we need to get checks, etc. etc.). Clearly, these are issues he should be worried about, but since he really isn’t, of course that makes me twice as worried.
ARGH. @LasMa, please let me know if you ever find that off switch . . .
My worrying has just finally eased somewhat, (*note my screen name!), with both kids married or almost married, both graduated from university, both employed in stable careers, and both living in their own places. Distance does wonders for my worrying, as I am blissfully unaware of many of the small challenges they face.
I am trying for a “que sera, sera” kind of attitude now in my older years, and remember how much confidence my parents had in me that I would work or handle any issues that arise. I am working on channeling that…